Thursday, June 02, 2005

Dreams about Mosquitos

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As I've stated before, elsewhere in the blog, I don't rely on dream interpretation guides to tell me what a symbol represents in my dreams. I do refer to them for suggestions and ideas and most good ones have "general" information that can often apply to a subject or symbol or situation in your dreams but I don't just pick up a definition in a guide, however good, and assume it fits my dream. I believe dream interpretation is extremely individual in nature and no one source can definitively decide what a symbol means for every person or every dream.

Having said that, I will say that dreaming of insects, in general, usually points to irritation of some kind. Something or someone rubbing you the wrong way, or a mild alarm meant to wake you up so that a stronger alarm is not needed in the future.

DETERMINING SIGNIFICANCE IN DREAMS: There are certain indications in dreams that let me know when something is significant. Size is one, as you will read in the dream below. If something is of an abnormal size in a dream, either much larger than it would be in real life or much smaller, this is a signal to me that the size means something in particular. Another indicator is color. If something is a strange color, like an orange being black, then that means something specific in the context of what the orange means in the dream. I mention these two indicators, in particular, because they apply to the dream I'll be sharing. There are many other indicators - a word or phrase that is particularly remembered, anything from your past or predominant in your life (for example, as an actor, I pay particular attention to dreams set on a stage or film set -- different attention than I would if I were not a performer in real life) etc.

EGO DREAMS VS. MEDICINE DREAMING: I also need to reiterate what I've said before on the difference between ego-level dreams and Medicine Dreaming. An ego-level dream will concern itself with ego, or personaltiy, level issues. Often, these types of dreams occur when the personality self is immersed in some struggle or issue or change. Ego dreams help us work out the events of the day, or week, or month and are often a first step of clearing so that a Medicine Dream can break thru. In the level of Medicine Dreaming, we don't just hash out ego struggles and difficulties, we shift our vibration around those issues in a way that creates spiritual awareness, healing and advancement on a spiritual level.

A person could have ego dreams the rest of their lives and never heal anything on a spiritual level. I consider them necessary bandaids before spiritual surgery.

Now, the dream.....

This dream is incredibly short but full of levels, timelines and information. In the dream, I drawn to look toward the window, where I see a HUGE mosquito. I mean, it is the size of a full-grown cat, which becomes significant later. I go closer and notice that this huge flying thing is cream-colored. Not at all the color of a real mosquito and even though it has wings and huge legs resembling mosquito legs, the face is strange. For one thing, it has a huge mouth and that mouth is opening wide and closing as if hungry for something to eat.

The mosquito starts trying to get in thru the slated glass window panes. I had panes like that in a tiny trailer where I once lived, during one of the most painful times in my life. This was a hint at a Medicine Dream that was trying to happen because, unlike the rest of the dream, that image was very "charged" in my consiousness, even in the dream but more on waking when I realized what the panes (pains) represented.

I cross over to the window in shock, to get a closer look at this monstrosity and realize that it is trying to get in. Simutaneously, I realize the inside glass, which is solid, is not glass at all but plexiglass. The mosquito is succeeding in getting the hard plastic window to move and I put my hand on it to keep him out (interesting, I sensed him as male). Just then, one of the huge legs slips thru and becomes a cat's paw, and grabs my hand.

That is the full extent of the dream.

It was followed by another dream involving my mother, sister and myself. The details of that dream are hazy but I remember it involved cleaning at my mom's house. (Something involving my past and present, since it's the same house Mom lives in now).

MY TAKE ON THIS DREAM SO FAR: I always like to think "so far" because I've found that dreamtime teachings can sometimes take weeks or months or even years to unfold in my life. So far, I realize this.......The mosquito in my dream, as improbable as it seems, was a representation of the new kitten I got about a week ago. There were two things about the dream that brought the kitten to mind. No, three things.

1. The first was the odd color of the mosquito. I noticed it in the dream but didn't connect it to the kitten til I woke.

2, The second thing I noticed, and in the dream itself, was the huge mouth opening and closing. It wasn't fear of being bitten but that the mosquito had an unquenchable hunger I couldn't meet. (It's kind of the same with the kitten - I couldn't be there enough to satisfy her the first few days. Of course I understand why. She missed her mother).

3. The third thing that reminded me of the cat, even in the dream itself, was the way the huge mosquito leg turned into a cat's paw.

In a way, this dream played out the actual progression of events that happened since I got the kitten. It was an ego dream to run that process thru the akashic records and clean it up,
get me ready for the next step (It was a large step. The next night, I had a tremendous Medicine Dream - a nightmare. I'll be posting that when I return from vacation in about a week).

Having a just-weaned kitten in the house is a lot like I would imagine having a new baby would be. I'm 50 years old and have never had children. For the past 4 years, I've lived alone with my grown cat. It is QUITE an adjustment. Since one of the spiritual medicines of cat is actually domesticity and homelife balance, I know this kitten came to teach me a great deal. I have always been content with my own company but since I left my spiritual marriage of seven years, I've been alone more than is healthy. Before, I had a very active healing practice in addition to our frequent get-togethers and retreats at our home so I went from a life with lots of people around to almost no one but my cat.

It may sound strange but even during the ten months I spent in Los Angeles, where there is certainly no shortage of people, I was alone more than was healthy. By choice. I was fragile in every way and raw, too emotionally vulnerable to bear the energy of others for long.

So, I said all that to say that the kitten is tremendously challenging for me because she demands almost constant attention. As I am typing she is in the little cube on my desk where the paper goes, playing. Every little bit, she sticks her head out and tries to engage me. She has been determinedly trying to engage me in playing, ever since she got here. I have just as determinedly resisted.

WHAT THINGS REPRESENT IN DREAMS: Whenever something is represented in an entirely different form, like the kitten being represented by the giant mosquito, I always ask myself what do I feel about the thing chosen to represent the other thing? In other words, to glean more meaning about the kitten's message, I ask myself what I feel about mosquitos. If I had to use one word, it would "irritation". And, if I had to use one word to define how the kitten has made me feel, it would be "irritation". So coming into my dreamtime as a huge mosquito is perfect because like the mosquito, the kitten may be small but the irritation I've felt has been huge at times.

I have at least a good basic understanding of this dream except for the plexiglass. So, as I sit here, I ask myself what does that mean to me. "Easily scratched, easily broken" comes, just now, to my consciousness and oh yes, I see. On a purely physical level, the kitten has claws like little razor blades. Not meaning to do so, she has hurt me more than once. I get so angry at her sometimes but I know she doesn't realize she's hurting me. I have to teach her to be more gentle.

Hum, maybe some medicine got thru on this ego dream at the end because I'm seeing that "easily scratched, easily broken" could also apply to me. I'm near tears as I type this, realizing how strong the medicine of this brave little kitten is for me. She is so tiny and I could really hurt her. My anger must be huge to her. I have an immediate, knee jerk reaction to pain and it's
anger. She is teaching me to stay that impulse. My hat is off to "Little Girl". She's quite a wonder.

WORKING WITH TOTEMS: I greatly respect non-human teachers. Even though it is generally believed that a person only has one or two Totems that work with them all their life, I have found that different totems come in as I need the wisdom they teach. Cat has never been stronger in my life than now. Not only is the kitten teaching me a great deal but my older cat is perfectly mirroring my own resistance to the constant call for playing. Yesterday, for the first time since the kitten arrived, Pooter (older cat) did not hiss and slap the kitten away but actually played with her. I think these two are brilliantly mirroring for me that a balance of work and play is desperately needed in my life. Aho.

I'm going on vacation June 3 (perfect timing to integrate the play/work balance thing, eh?) and I'm not going alone. I'll be with my mom, my brother, his wife and two little boys who have never seen the ocean. If those two boys can't get me to play, nobody can. I'll write about the other dream when I get back. Let's just say a huge snake was involved....

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