Dreams about first loves

Dreams about first loves and healing the pain of past relationships

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

I've had two dreams recently about my first love.

I have had trouble bringing the dreams back from dreamtime so I'm not sure what the messages are for me but it's definitely significant that this person, whom I have not seen for many years, appears twice in short succession.

What I liked about him.....he was sensitive, he saw beauty in simple things like the color of a blue bird or a red berry against green leaves. I also liked that he was damaged and unaccessible. Like Dad.

So, what does it mean that this person is appearing in my dreams now.....something to ponder in particular, since I don't even have or want an intimate relationship right now. Maybe it's just another piece of the work I've been doing to heal the masculine in my life.

Is Love Real?

dreams about ceremonies

This was a spiritually significant medicine dream for me.

It came at a time when I was coming out the other side of some very traumatic experiences and the main message was that I had successfully came through them with my spirit and soul alive.

I am restructuring the site and editing this dreamtime message. It has been moved to my main website, the Ask a Healer Wellness Library.

You can access the dream about spiritual ceremony here

Learn how to work with your own dreams in a meaningful way

Family line dream

This was a signficant spiritual dream I had while at Sundance in South Dakota. Points to family line beyond this life. Being edited.

To see full version, please bookmark

Medicine Dreams Diary

Here's a post about a different Sundance Experience

Dreams about husband having an affair

Meaning of dreams involving betrayal by significant other / dreams about dangerous situations in cars

All content on this blog is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

The Dream:
I am with my husband. He is very tired. Then, suddenly, he becomes very animated. I realize that he has taken something, a drug of some kind. I am disturbed because he has not been doing this.

Then, I am with a woman in a car, talking about him. My husband had an affair with this woman before and I feel he is again having an affair with her. She is driving the car when she attempts to go up an embankment and gets stuck. The car is hanging almost vertical up the embankment when I turn to her and ask if she thinks my husband loves me.

Her reply is "It will be very hard for him not to spend my money".

Next, I'm back with my husband confronting him. I ask if he has slept with this woman again.

When he says yes, I throw a clock at him.

When I ask how long it's been going on, he answers "all along" and I slap him.

Then, his brother appears, laughing about it all, and says "why don't you leave this hell hole?"

Next, while my husband plays the piano and his brother the quitar, I begin packing but I'm not packing clothes or books, or stuff. I'm packing knick-knacks, art and other things that are valuable to collectors only.

Next, I'm at a booth selling these things I've packed.

There was a girl there with bracelets but I cannot remember the rest of the dream except that there was the amount $10 and the amount $300....not enough to know what that meant.

My take on the dream so far:

If you have read about my particular dream interpretation technique, you will know that I don't always have dreams about myself. Sometimes, people I know appear in my dream for healing work. So, my first assignment was to determine if this was about me or about my ex and his brother. When I sensed the tone of it, I knew it was all about me. They just showed up to accent some struggles for me but I wasn't working as a healer in this dream. It was all mine to deal with.

Several aspects became apparent very early. One was that I had unconsciously shifted to the addiction of spending money, after leaving the addiction of a dysfunctional marriage. I saw that I had become rather obsessed with spending and collecting and that it had simply replaced the energy that I used to use, trying to fix the unfixable.

I loved the brother's line about leaving the hell hole. Why don't we leave? It's amazing when I look back on it. I wonder how I could have missed the futility of staying as long as I did.

I also love that I threw a clock at my husband. How much more clear can it get? Wasted time.

And the husband's comment about how long the affair had been going on....all along. Wow. I never really completely dealt with this, I just switched my attention to another form of addiction.

The woman in the dream who says to me "it will be very hard for him not to spend my money" was, of course, talking about me. Because of him, and my inability to totally be still without that, I distract myself with spending. I cheat on myself with my own money.

My challenge is clear. I cannot allow myself to cheat on myself with money. I owe myself full presence in my life.

Overwhelming Situations in dreams

The meaning of being overwhelmed by situations in dreams / dreams about being unable to complete tasks / dreams involving people from a specific time in your life

All content on this blog is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

The Dreams:
The past two nights, I've had dreams with a common theme in that I felt overwhelmed in them. In the first one, I am a kitchen worker of some type. I seem to be responsible for feeding a crew of men. In the dream, I am either working with or actually am a girl with whom I attended school with, from elementary up through high school.

I remember repeatedly trying to complete tasks, only to have another crop up and take my attention. For example, I was trying to make plates for some of the men and then realized I needed to make coffee but when I tried to make coffee, I looked over and saw all these trays of fruit (I remember cantaloupe in particular but there were other fresh fruits there too) and realized I needed to do something about them.

I woke from the dream in the early morning hours, and was unable to sleep afterwards for some time. I felt tired and drained.

The second dream, last night, has already retreated from my memory but I do recall feeling completely overwhelmed in it as well.

My take on the dream so far:

Anytime I have a dream with someone I know in it, I consider what I feel about that person in real life, to find clues of why I may have chosen them to represent something in the dream.

If I think of this person, I remember her as being extremely serious, extremely intelligent, very quiet, and somewhat dull. I believe she was also abused as a child so this is part of my memory of her. She also had psoriasis, which is a skin condition that I associate with emotional repression of some kind.

Also, I look at the feeling aspect of the dream. In both dreams, the main component was a feeling of being overwhelmed.

On the surface, it's easy to see that this dream is about my being overwhelmed in some aspect. What is harder to trace is the specific area of overwhelm. In my case, at this point in time, it could be a lot of things.

If I take into account the factors....who was in the dream, what was in the dream (serving the male and fresh fruit stand out) and the feeling aspect, which was overwhelm, my initial reaction to the dream, it becomes very symbolically rich.

My take on it all is fuzzy, at best, so far. I sense that I'm being shown ways that I distract myself, divide my energies and force the feminine aspect of being into service to the male aspect of doing. It points to male/female imbalance at an energetic level, probably from belief systems that started during the abusive part of my childhood. It also points to a lack of ability to access the sweetness in my life (evidenced by the abundance of fresh fruit and my inability in the dream, to focus on it long enough to serve any).

Lots to think on.

Update: 10/07/07

I've been pondering the significance of the old school mate who showed up in this dream. I can now see how perfect the choice was, and applaud my dreamtime intelligence in choosing her.

When I recount what I remember about her that stands out in terms of forming impressions, I could be talking about myself. I don't have psoriasis but, aside from that, all the other attributes apply - like my schoolmate, I remember myself as at that age and see that I also considered myself extremely intelligent (I remember crying on the bus because I got a B+ on some test - it was unthinkable that I'd get anything other than an A), I was even more serious than I remember my friend ever being, I had been abused as a child and I certainly had emotional repression.

So, looking back on the dream with this new focus, I can see that it was dealing with belief systems about myself that were set up in junior high school. It helps to know that because then I can work with that aspect of myself, specifically, and ask for more clarification and instruction.

I consider cellular release of inner child trauma to be vital where there are issues of abuse. I have met a few healers who know how to do this work, either on a conscious level or just instinctively, and hope that more in the healing field will recognize the importance of addressing core issues at a cellular level.

This is what I intend to do for that part of myself, that junior high self who was too serious, too smart and too repressed.

a good ritual for releasing past trauma

More on the fire the grid phenomenon

Suggested Resource: Deep Meditation

Did you fire the grid? It was the spiritual vision of a woman named Yates, to unite the world at a specific time, with prayers for the good of all.

I did and going through the experience changed me. I'm glad to see that some prominent spiritual groups, including James and Salle Redfield's gridline, are scheduling follow-up gridline firings.

If you want to participate in those, they will be having one every couple of weeks or so, two per month I think.

Get more info at the Celestine Prophecy Website.

more on Global Prayer

One take on global prayer efforts like Fire the Grid

Maureen Moss of World Puja, on Global Prayer
Copyright, Maureen Moss

Suggested dreamtime tool: Learn to Lucid Dream


Got this email from the World Puja folks and thought I'd post it since my dreamtime has been too complex and my life too busy to write out any of my dreams lately, though I certainly keep having some great ones and keep learning from the rich underbelly of my sleeping hours.

This is about a global prayer that is called fire the grid. You may have gotten an email about it.
Here's what one web presence has to say about it.

From Maureen Moss at World Puja:
I pray you are well. Upon my recent return from participating in "The Planetary Creatrix" hosted by Tom Kenyon and the Hathors in Seattle, Washington, I was deluged with letters questioning the authenticity of "The Fire The Grid Global Meditation" taking place on July 17. Most of the letters asked me for my opinion, as I know that the same was asked of a few others.

Because I answer all E-mails sent to me, I was guided to put my response into our mid-month newsletter.

So, here is my response to the numerous E-mails I have received. I urge you to please read this, not to be swayed by my opinion, but perhaps to gain a wider perspective on this incredible opportunity to use your own power of discernment along with your own internal guidance to empower yourself.

MY RESPONSE: I have never felt anything but the vital importance of a unified field of positive loving intention being sent into the Earth Grid (and our own personal grids) as being a wonderful, necessary and powerful thing to do. I have also said publicly and written that whenever the energy of Light is amped up, so is the energy of Dark. Undoubtedly we will stir the pot of all things whenever we take bold actions...however that pot is stirring right now as both the Dark and Light continue to jockey for position on this Planet. The world external is a grand mirror supporting that assessment.

Right now we stand at the most PIVOTAL juncture in our personal and planetary evolution. Human history documents this fact: humanity has never faced the world as one joyful unified race, ever. There has never been a collective triumph, where the majesty of the pure Love and Light filled human, has been realized and shared -- as One United State of Being. It is time, and it is time to cease being hypnotized and paralyzed by fear.

We are either going to rise as a species and a Planet or fall. The Divine Plan calls for us to rise, though we live on a Planet of free will, meaning anything can happen. I feel strongly that this incarnation is our final opportunity to change what has been previously documented.



What I know for sure is in either case I will give outward and inward all of the Love I can anytime, anywhere. If the Dark finds a way to use that Love to their advantage, so be it. There would obviously be no way in which I (or any of us) can control that

My two final thoughts: Millions of people focused on love with the intention of invoking LOVE AND LIGHT into our Beloved Mother Earth can't hurt anything unless you think it can...and then it just might unless enough of us override that disempowering thought. That is just my perspective and my personal discernment and it is the one I will hold when I do join with millions of my brothers and sisters and meditate on July 17. I will do so without fear of anything, as I know the mixture of the two is a chaotic cocktail that we have all had too many drinks of and suffered greatly as a result of that toxic mix.

At this point there are millions participating in this...so I say let's go for the LOVE, period. Let's just sit and love our Planet and ourselves for one hour. That can't hurt anything can it?

My second and final thought is:

I know that I and each of us must discern for ourselves.

Perhaps with this controversy we being given an incredible opportunity to learn how to listen to our own guidance, which then greatly, greatly, empowers us, whichever we choose. I support making our individual decisions as wisely as possible and then surrender further thoughts because the moment of ABSOLUTE certainty will never arrive as long as we have both a mortal mind and a Divine mind that both seek dominion.

I send much love and gratitude to each and every one of you for caring so much about our Planet one way or the other. I pray that the pleas of those that came before us and sacrificed their lives to deliver the messages to love ourselves and each other back into wholeness and Oneness are answered sooner rather than later.


As for what's happening for the rest of the month on World Puja, at this point I will simply suggest that you take a visit to our home page at World Puja and discern for yourselves if you'd like to join us and our Divine, diverse and wonderful guests and be uplifted, inspired, motivated or simply soothed at your leisure.



global prayer

Disappearing Honeybees

Honeybees are just
disappearing from hives. If they go, we have big problems.
Big problems. ...we have to take care of
our home and the beings that inhabit earth with us , or earth may not keep taking care of us.




If you want to learn more about why the honeybee's survival is so intwined with our own, please read this article on the subject.

Why are the honeybees just disappearing from their hives? It isn't like they die and are lying around the hive. They are just gone and nobody knows why.

Another article on what may be causing this





organic is better!

Dreams about Vampires

Dreams about evil vampires / dreams involving celebrities / Doctor Bailey on Gray's Anatomy in dreams

All content on this blog is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

The Dream: I remember very little.

I remember standing at a doorway, listening to a conversation between two people who worked at the same place I worked. I suddenly realize that they are evil vampires, and I do mean EVIL.

They are hissing and saying something about "a despicable person".

I decide I can't work in such an environment and tell the woman I work for, who reminded me of Doctor Bailey on Grey's Anatomy.

My take on the dream so far: I very rarely take sleep aids, and even more rarely take prescription sleep aids but it so happens I did take one that night. How much did that impact my dreamtime? Not sure.

I can see these two vampires as aspects of myself but, in my current situation and all that I'm dealing with in my life so far, I can't see what part of me they are representing.......

I do know I feel drained a lot and am aware that it is my own reaction to family situations that causes it. I feel responsible for things I should not feel responsible for.

I feel this is definitely some sort of shadow self dream but am not sure what the message is for me. I did not get the sense, as I do sometimes and sometimes it is valid, that others were in my dreamtime representing themselves as energy vampires. I think both aspects were me and I really think it represents how I drain myself with all my concerns about family obligations, etc.

Dreamtime Facilitation Tool: Learn to recall your dreams at will

Suggested reading: Why Evil Exists

Dreams about Medicine

All content on this blog is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

The Dream: I am listening to my cousin talk about a new medicine that both she and her husband are taking. It is for high cholesterol but I get the sense that it helps a great deal of health conditions. She is motioning toward a rather odd-shaped bottle, cream-colored, on which appears writing that is peach in color.

She is very impressed with the medicine as is her husband. I hear him remark from behind me, though I never see him, that it is helping him a great deal.

My take on the dream so far: Those who are familiar with the way I work with dreams will know what I mean when I wondered if this was a direct message from the dreamtime, regarding some medication I need to be taking.

I pondered this for a few days, and almost called my cousin who was in the dream. She is a registered nurse. Her opinion of medical drugs would hold more interest to me that the typical doctor's idea of what is good to take.

I did not call her. I'm wondering if this is a mistake.

The other option is that there is a spiritual message hidden in the symbology of the dream. The peaches and cream aspect......not sure.

The jury is out on this one but it is significant because I had not consciously thought of this cousin in some time so for her to pop into my dreamtime means I might be missing a message that could be important.

Shamanic Journey Article

All content on this blog is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

I don't know about anyone else who has experienced Shamanic Journeying but when it first started happening to me over a decade ago, it scared me senseless.

I truly felt I might not be able to come back to reality and that, if I did, I would no longer be able to seperate third dimensional reality from the WHOLE of reality.

This is a good article on the subject of fear surrounding shamanic or spiritual journeying, whether in dreamtime or awake.

Dreaming of the past

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Maybe it's because it has been so hot at night....don't know but I've had three dreams about my ex-spiritual partner and they were pretty darn steamy.

Believe it or not, I think menopause is to blame.

I entertain no wish to return to the life I left with this man, even though I will always love him. However, my libido is awakening after about 7 years asleep and I guess he is the obvious one to have in my dreams in that case, since I was with him for 7 years and loved him more than I've ever loved anyone.

I don't place any particular significance to these dreams as any kind of sign that I still want to have a relationship with him. The main reason I don't feel that way is because I always ask what my dreams are about when I wake (Well, almost always) and what I got from these, each time, was that is was hormonal realignment within.

The dreams started when I started taking 5 mg. of micronized dhea. I don't even take it every day but still, it has definitely jump-started some physical feelings I haven't had in a long time. They are not entirely welcome except that I know passion equals fullness of life and sexual energy can be channelled in ways that support vibrant living.

The Power of Three

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The Power of Three:

I have had big, big changes since the last time I posted here. I've been traveling for about a month and have not had access to a computer to post dreams but I sure have been having some!

For example, I had three dreams in about a week with the same theme......my car was being stolen.

There are so many things this could mean but before I even looked at that, I acknowledge the power of three.

There is something about that, metaphysically speaking. 3 is a triangulation of something important, and a sign that something significant is being worked out, at least in my life. Three dreams, or a dream of three parts, quite often represents a beginning, middle and end of some process for me.

However, I did not journal these three dreams so I can't share that with you here but I can point out the obvious.....I had just sold my house, packed a lot of what I wanted to keep into my car, and become a gypsy of sorts.

Obviously, dreaming that my car was stolen was quite a literal fear of losing what I had chosen to keep. Also, the whole process of becoming consciously homeless....quite frightening for me on a lot of levels.

I haven't had that type of dream again, after the three dreams in quick succession (sp?) so I assume I've worked through whatever I was dealing with at the time.

My dreams lately have become more of the nature I used to have, in that I am often working with friends in a healing capacity or being worked with in a Medicine Way. Although I know all dreams are valuable, I must say I prefer these!

Anyway, not sure how much internet access I'll have over the coming months but will post as often as I can

Inspirational Words

I got this email after a night of tossing and turning, wrestling with my mind, attempting to think nothing, or at least nothing that had worry attached to it. It is a great reminder that living in the future, even for a second, robs us of the present moment.

You Reading This, Be Ready Starting here, what do you want to remember?

How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?

What scent of old wood hovers, what softenedsound from outside fills the air?

Will you ever bring a better gift for the world than the breathing respect that you carry wherever you go right now?

Are you waiting for time to show you some better thoughts?

When you turn around, starting here, lift this new glimpse that you found; carry into evening all that you want from this day.

This interval you spent reading or hearing this, keep it for life -

What can anyone give you greater than now, starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?

~ William Stafford ~


(The Way It Is)

Web version: www.panhala.net/Archive/Be_Ready.html

One of those times

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

It's an interesting phenomenon. I wonder if anyone else experiences this....

The reason I haven't been posting my dreams lately isn't that I haven't been having any; it's more that they seem to resolve themselves within the dreamtime and I awake with nothing to work on about them.

Taking the time to write them down and dig the lessons out from my subconscious feels counter-productive. They are complete when I wake so there's really no need to rehash them later.

Not great for the blog, but great for me. It feels like I'm integrating the dreamtime messages within the dreams themselves and waking with no homework.

However, as with every other cycle in my spiritual life, I'm sure this will cycle around again to the point where I want to share dreamtime work and put into words what I have journeyed through.

Maybe someone else has some good dreamtime interpretation work that they'd like to post in the meantime? Feel free to post your dreams but any obvious advertising will, as always, simply be deleted.

Editing Dream about Brad Pitt

Whenever I have dreams about celebrities, the first thing I look at is whether they are appearing as the actor in a role or as themselves. This was a significant dream involving celebrity Brad Pitt.

I'm editing this dream so if you want to read it, just email me at neva.howell at gmail dot com and I'll send it along.

Dreams about Death

All content on this blog, unless otherwise noted, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

This was a dream involving family members and a decision to make, that might end up in either a peaceful death or a terrible death. I'm editing this dream so if you want to read it, just visit

http://www.askahealer.com/dreams-about-death.htm

I've been remiss

I apologize that I haven't posted any dreams in a while.

I have been having some amazing ones but for some reason, haven't felt motivated to write them down.

One that I recall in a snippet was so fun. I was writing songs in vibrational energy to match situations. Hard to describe but something would happen in my life (in the dream) and I'd capture the vibration of the experience in sound and write songs about it.

I don't even care what that means, it was so cool.

Anyway, I hope to get back on track soon and hang onto some dreams long enough to share them.

I'd love to hear your dreams too so feel free to post. I do approve all comments before posting though, to discourage spamming. Must be a dream or specifically dream related or it will be rejected. Thanks, and Happy Holidays!

Guest Article: Karma and Dharma

This article has been removed by request of the author.

Dreams about Snakes; Dreams about Fears

All content on this blog, unless otherwise noted, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

The Dream: I'm in water, like a stream or creek, and I see two rattlesnakes under the bank. Next, I see a man in the water and I warn him that there are rattlesnakes in the water. He seems very surprised and says he hasn't seen a single one. I tell him they are near the bank.

At just that moment, a snake appears in the water and starts coming aggressively toward me. I scramble to the bank just as the snake strikes but then realize that the snake is not giving up, but trying to strike again. I wake.

My take on the dream so far: Part of my own dreamtime technique involves awareness of current struggles and challenges, and current focus. A lot of the time, just reflecting on what I'm working with spiritually helps determine the meaning of the dream. The same dream, at a different time, might have a different meaning but seen through the lens of current experience, this one is clearly about manifesting what I fear.

Lately, I've been working with my consciousness to shift belief systems around fear and manifestation. I've seen in my own life that, even if i don't actually manifest what I fear, the fear of manifesting it robs me of joy in the present moment. Dwelling on what I fear has never proven to be particularly progressive, in other words.

Thoughts are magnetic energy. There's a movie around right now called "The Secret" that talks about this but it isn't a new idea. Thoughts create our reality. So, if we are thinking of what we fear all the time, and thought is magnetic, guess what we draw? Yeah, rattlesnakes under the bank.

Snakes have always been about huge, transmutational change in my life so the fact that my fear presented itself in the dream as a snake indicates that I am truly shifting this in a big way. That felt good. Also good that the snake was in water. Water almost always, in my dream landscape, represents emotions. The dream would have had a different meaning for me if the water had been swirling, dirty or, in some other way, unusual. Here, it was perfectly calm water. The emotions were calm in the wake of fear, the snake. Also, the male self being calm and presenting
the other perspective....a snake-free reality, was a wonderful message of integration.

Spiritual Consciousness Shift

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

A Consciousness Shift
I have recently achieved a consciousness shift that I've been working toward my whole life. I'm certain this shift will affect the way I post dreams in the future because my dreamtime work has to change as well.

I have been in the spiritual awakening process on a conscious level since about 1991. One of the teachings I have heard over and over, and read over and over, is that we have a Higher Self that remembers more of who we are on a spiritual level and we have a lower self, which is more ego-based and involved in the smaller version of who we are.

This ego-based lower self wants what it wants when it wants it. The higher self realizes that forging ahead to make something happen before the universe is aligned with it can create delay, more struggle, and a diversion from our true path.

Does this all sound familiar?

If you've been on the spiritual path very long, I'm sure it does.I've had a huge shift around that but I'm not yet able to fully articulate it. However, what I see happening with my dreams is that there are more brief and to the point. You will see what I mean when I post the next few dreams.

Dreams about Family Members in Pain

Note: I'm not saying who the relatives are in this dream because it deals with personal information about their lives and they might one day read it.

THE DREAM:
Two relatives of mine are playing a game. I'm told at the beginning of the dream, by a voice behind and above me, that this is a game.

The two relatives have agreed to cut off both their feet at the ankles if they lose this game and apparently, they both lost.

I see them with their feet cut off. It is truly horrible. (I have written elsewhere in my blog that it is my experience that bloody, violent, or otherwise unforgettable dreams are often the most signicant and that they don't necessarily point to mental imbalance, unsupressed anger, or any of the other psychological labels sometimes put on them. If that type of dream is all a person has, then yes, I'd look into it, but the degree of struggle around an issue often demands very powerful imagery to underscore the signficance of the dream).

One of the relatives is calmly walking around on these newly bandaged stubs and I'm following her, just literally at the point of pulling my own hair out, I'm so disturbed. I'm begging her to sit down. I tell her she is hurting herself. She just continues and takes clothes out of the dryer, saying "It doesn't feel that way.". She cannot feel the pain.

What is significant is that this relative is in a house she no longer lives in. I remember that time in her life. It was probably the most miserable she's ever been because she was in a marriage that wasn't working. She has struggles with self-esteem and sesrious money problems.

I stayed with her and her family for a time and remember the pain I felt there, years later.


MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
The important thing for me was the way the dream started, with the voice informing me that what I was about to see was a game. And the answer from my relative when I tried to stop her from hurting herself, that it didn't feel that way to her, was also significant.

In my spiritual awareness, every one of us makes the highest choice we can, given where we are at any moment in time. I am also acutely aware that this is a human experience but that we are so much more than our human experience. And even our most painful human experience will seem like a game to us, looked at from higher levels.

This dream also taught me that what I want for others is my own creation. They each must have the freedom to live their life exactly as they wish to live it, even when that looks painfully wrong to me.

For whatever reason her soul may have had, this relative who was folding the laundry chose to sort of "hobble" herself in a relationship for a number of years. As a result, she now tells me that she is stronger, and knows what love really should be like.

Could it have been easier for her? Well, could it have been easier for you? For me? Looking back on my own life, I certainly see times where no one could have stopped me from making a decision that caused me a lot of pain. But I also see what I learned from it.

The other relative who was there, also hobbled by the game, was actually there as a spiritual being. I know this relative well. She is still a child in earth years, but an amazing little medicine worker on other levels.

Dreams about Family Members

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

Dream Development Resource



I've mentioned elsewhere on this blog that, due to my decades of work as a spiritual healing facilitator, I often work with people in my dreams. Contrary to those who teach that every person in a dream represents part of you, I absolutely know that there are times when the persons in my dreams represent themselves.

In this dream, the relatives who showed up were showing me my greatest fear for them and showing me that I had a choice about that fear.

THE DREAM:
I have just been told that my brother and mother have died. Just as I am beginning to go into hysterical grief, I hear my brother's voice. He is talking to someone outside the room I am in.
I go out and see he and my mother conversing. I wonder how this is possible and I say to my mother "I don't want to let you go."

She turns to me and says bluntly "Well, then, don't."

She seems a little impatient with the whole conversation, as if I should know the answer.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
I have been strongly considering traveling for a while, which would mean leaving my mom. She has had a couple of heart attacks over the past few years and my fear is that I'll leave and she will die. I think she and my brother both appeared in this dream to remind me that we live on.

The other side of that is my choice. If I stay, to be sure I'm here if anything happens, that is my choice. I can not let go by not leaving. Or I can let go, whether I leave or not, and realize that the end of life here is the beginning of life somewhere else.

People we love will tend to show up in the way that we need them to show up. That gets created by the balance of love and fear. The more fear, the more they will need to show up in ways that support the fear. I think Mom is tired of me holding her energetically in that sick place. I need to start remembering who she really is, a divine being of God having the perfect physical experience her soul needs.

Major Ego-Cleanup Dreams

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Dreamtime Tool

The Dream: A relative I know brings a suitcase in the house and tells me my cat has died, and is in the suitcase. He opens it and the cat falls out but starts a low growl in it's throat and we realize it is not dead at all. I tried to get my cat out but he doesn't know it's me immediately so I get some food and water and he tries to eat but then I realize part of his face if frozen. He turns to look at me and the entire area from under his eyes to the top of his mouth is frozen in ice.

I am very upset that he's been in the cold suitcase for this long and he's not even dead. The male relative who opened the suitcase tells me that Mom thought he was dead. She's not there. She's waiting outside in the car.

My take on the dream so far: Man, massive ego-clean-up dream (if that doesn't mean anything to you, please START HERE).

Here is the list of all the things that I was stressing over the day before (and woke up in the middle of the night, before this dream, still stressing over....

1. I am planning to travel but have concerns about leaving my cats because, while I have someone willing to come over and feed them, I have no one to be with them and make sure they get in at night and it's getting very cold here.

2. In planning my travel, I also have concerns about my Mom since her health has been fragile for some time now due to heart problems.

3. I hate cold weather, truly and deeply, and dread driving in it.

4. I have been releasing alcohol from my life in a very conscious way for some time now and the hardest times for me to choose staying free of it are when I'm stressed. I very consciously decided to drink again, after being completely alcohol-free for nine years. You can read about that part of my spiritual journey on this blog too but I don't know where that part starts...sorry.

Here are the correlations.....both the suitcase and mom being outside in the car point to travel.

Mom being in the car points to my concerns about leaving her and, perhaps, feelings I get from her that she wishes I wouldn't go too.

With my cat being inside the suitcase (representing the travel I want to do) that's directly addressing my fear of something happening to my cats while I'm away.

The fact that it's cold directly correlates to my very real dread of winter and, again, fear of the cats being caught outside overnight in the cold if they don't come when the cat-sitter calls them.

The male relative who had the suitcase also had a very serious drinking issue years ago so he was the perfect mirror for my own dance with that decision.

My cat's face being frozen points to all my fears....the cats being outside, getting cold and getting sick....me hating the cold.....and my struggles with letting go of concerns about my Mom's health.. etc.

I must say that's the most intense, obvious ego-clean up dream I've had in a long time. Not pleasant. It's a perfect outpicturing of what internal stress was doing to me and it's so good that we have the release mechanism of dreamtime to help us take the edge off these stressors.

It is my hope that, now that the ego-level stuff has been worked through a bit, it will open the door for a Medicine Dream.

Update, later in the day: The cat growling is not quite clear to me....I know he was angry that he'd be left for dead in the suitcase....not sure how that ties in and that may be the one element of the dream that is more than ego clean up. My personality self my be struggling far more deeply with feeling tied down right now, than I recognize on a conscious level because that's the only part of the dream that I can't tie directly into a known stressor.

Levels of Dreamtime Work

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Dream Meanings

About this blog; what it is and isn't: I basically have two main focuses here at Dream Speak. I want to journal my dreams in a regular way and this is an easy way to do that. The second reason is that I hope the sharing of my own dreams will helps someone else.

I am not seeking further input on my own dreams.

I feel that part of the purpose of dreamtime work is to help each person develop their own sensing about what the dream means, based on their unique life situation, past lives, soul mission and physical reality. That is so very unique to each individual that I feel receiving input from others to be counterproductive to developing the skill in oneself. So, for that reason, please don't post input on my dreams here. And keep in mind that my first go at interpreting my own dream is just to get it down on the blog and I certainly don't go into the depth that happens over time, with a dream. It unfolds in my life so this is just a starting place to get hold of some of the main components that come to me.

By the way, feel free to post your own dreams or your own dream-related information. I welcome that. I also welcome articles but keep advertising to a bare minimum or they will be rejected, and please don't post articles here that have already been posted elsewhere.

If you would like information on how I go about interpreting my dreams, just send me an email and I'll send along the dreamtime info.

neva.howell at gmail dot com

Bookends

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Get more from your dreams

The Dream: I can't recall a lot of detail but I was bookending two particular areas of my life, literally. I was placing some type of bookend at the beginning and end of these two areas.

After the bookends were in place, I was in those situation frames. It was fascinating to think about this on waking. I bookended situations, NOT time.

In the situation frames that I had created with the bookends, I recall working very hard to resolve whatever issues were in the situation for me. One involved male relationships of an intimate nature (no real surprise there) and I can't recall what the second bookends contained.

My take on the dream so far:
I feel like congratulating myself for coming up with such an ingenious idea for singling out and containing what I needed to work on. It helped the dream stay totally focused on the work and contained it so that I could see all of it at once.

Bookends contain content, that is to say they hold it in place for easy access.

If I look at each of the two situations that were bookended, I could see them as books. Books begin, have a story and then they end. They can be finished at some point.

So, all in all, I think it's a positive step my mind is making toward finishing some unfinished emotional business.

There's also a song about bookends....was it Simon and Garfunkel? Wish I could remember the line I used to hang on to from that song. I think it could provide a clue.

Dreams about Celebrities: Dreams about Dr. Phil

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The Dream: I am in a room with Dr. Phil.

I'm looking at a computer screen, where I see a lot of cd's that he has created. I suddenly realize I could ask him to energize one of them for me, while I'm there with him so I ask.

I turn back to the screen and pick one with a girl on it but somehow end up with a cd with a boy on the cover. I realize that's not the one I wanted and try to choose again.

The second cd has an actress on it, about my age, and another actress who appears to be the mother of the first actress.

I choose a third time, still trying to get the girl, and end up with a boy on the cover again.

My take on the dream so far:
When I have dreams with celebrities, unless they play a character from a film or tv show they've done, I always ask myself what I think of them as people. I think Dr. Phil is sometimes confrontive, macho and controlling. I also think he is judgmental where I feel there should be neutrality at times.......

The hard part is all the Dr. Phil I see in me. That hard, rather redneck edge. And instead of getting the cd with the little girl, I kept getting a boy, the masculine.

The second cd has special significance due to an experience I had years ago and also due to the fact that I am an actress in real life.

Years ago, in a guided meditation, I saw two aspects of myself, the woman and the crone, in a very vivid way. In some way, this cd reminded me of that experience.

It also reminded me of my relationship with my own mother and of course, of my acting, so it was loaded.

What I liked was that both the first woman and her "mother" were actors. I remember hearing something Bill Harris said on the Centerpointe tapes, which I use. It had to do with remembering that our experience on this earth was not who we truly are but just one role we are playing.

Bill compared it to acting on a stage. He said (and I'm paraphrasing) if a person on stage was playing Hamlet and thought it was real, it would be a horrible experience. The actor knows it's just a play and so he has a great time even though it's intense and emotions are real.

I think the second cd was reminding me that myself and my mother had agreement to be together here, to play out certain experiences, but that believing I was responsible for her life would be like the actor forgetting he was in a play. And believing that whatever happens here is some kind of tragedy, is like forgetting that our souls are eternal and this life is just a blip on the radar of our path.

Choosing Dr. Phil to "energize" my cd meant that I'm out of balance with the masculine. Either I don't have enough or I have too much. I think, looking at my own Dr. Phil tendencies of controlling, judgment and agression of expression, it may be the latter.

In any case, the dream points to balancing my male and female aspects and also, remembering the big picture of this existence more than the little picture in front of me.

Note: This dream is in stark contrast to one I had earlier, where I had a loving intimate male relationship but it may be pointing to the same issue.

Night dreams about day things

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Dream Development Resource

Tedious dreaming lately. That's why I haven't posted for a while. Sometimes, I hit spells where my dreams are so obviously just rehashing the events of the day and letting off steam about anxieties and fears that there isn't really any deep message possible.

That's the way it's been for about a week now. Whatever frustrations I have during the day, I rehash in my dreams.

It's not wasted time since it helps release excess emotions about the frustrations but it is not nearly as fulfilling as when I can work thru to some type of higher awareness in the dream or as a result of the dream.

What my dreams are telling me right now is that I'm disconnected from Higher Guidance and bogged down in the day to day struggle. So, I am focusing on shifting that so that I can get my rich dreamtime back.

What a lovely dream

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Learn from your dreams

The Dream Snippet: I'm in a balanced, healthy very lovely relationship with a man.

I can't remember anything specific, like his face, name, etc. Nothing stands out about him but what felt so good was the balance that I felt in the relationship. It's not something I've yet ever manifested in a real relationship.

My Take on the dream so far:

Well, I'm sure all kinds of freudian interpretations might apply but, to me, the sense I got on waking was just that something had shifted for me after the dream where my old mate comes up and says he loves me, something positive.

I honestly have no desire to be in a relationship but the dream seemed to say that something in that arena was healing, to even have a dream where it was so lovely and balanced and where there seemed to be no other message. In other words, I looked for hot spots in the dream that made me uncomfortable, or places where colors or other aspects were too vivid. Those are usually signs that a message is veiled in that part of the dream. There weren't any stand out phrases, parts of the dream, colors, things, etc. The whole dream was pleasant and the main aspect that I woke with was a feeling of balance regarding male/female dynamics.

editing dream - old loves in dreams

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This dream is being edited. It was about my soulmate appearing in a dream with a significant message.

check here for the updated soulmate dream

Explore Your Dreams

Dreams about the male self; article on dream of peace

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My dreams of the past few weeks have been tumultuous and soon forgotten. Try as I might to hold on to them, they fade rapidly and I'm left with only the tiniest of remnant. Even the remnants are meaningful but not in a way that would provide much benefit to my readers here. I believe the struggle I'm having has to do with being in the middle of a very large consciousness shift in my life and that once I am a little more stable in that, I can record my dreams once more and, perhaps, from an even higher level of coherence.

One dream I do recall is what I call the fiber man. I was in water. A man was swimming toward me. He had apparently been in the water a very long time because he had fibrous hair all over his body. I found it quite repulsive. He was cheerful though and swam toward me very energetically speaking. However, he was not speaking english and I had no idea what he was saying.

My take on the dream so far: Definitely had the feel of animus, my male self attempting to communicate with me. The fact that he had "been in the water so long" is significant, since water in dreams usually signifies some type of emotional message. Being emotionally buried for so long has certainly not been good for my masculine self but I was glad to see he was still enthusiastic and cheerful. Unfortunately, I've been so disconnected from him that I now don't understand his message. It's a foreign language to me.

That's rather a vital dream, if unpleasant to see.

I also wanted to share an article with you today. It comes from Maggie and her site is listed at the end of the post. Blessings.

The Ripple Effect

These days have been difficult days with the Arab Israeli conflict still prominent as one of the major issues needing light and assistance in the world. As lightworkers we need to continue to send light, meditate and pray and hold the vision of a peaceful resolution to this conflict. We have to continue to focus surrounding the area with light so as to avoid a further escaltion of events.

It is said that we stand on the verge of the dawning of a New Age, for a New World that is waiting to be born. This may be difficult to envisage as we see what is taking place in the world right now but we have to keep our hearts open and minds clear. Perphaps this is the dark night of the soul that will push humanity to wake up and to become conscious and say no more war, its enough, we want to live in peace and create a better world for our children and further generations to live in. As thousands gather in the streets protesting against this war, a global awareness is emerging that people do want to live peacefully and it is just a handful of influential people who think otherwise for their own selfish gains.

It is the consciousness of the people that will make the difference, and that will eventually turn the tide and open people's awareness to new ways of living and being. Who we are and who we can become lies within the hands of every conscious and awakening individual.

The outer is a reflection of the inner and as each of us breaks through our own individual turmoil and conflict and moves to a higher level, so we help assist the global awakening during this transition. Remaining in sacred space not only empowers us individually, it greatly assists those around us and creates the ripple effect that is needed. See the waves of light and love spreading and spreading and reaching into every corner of the globe influencing every decision that is being taken.

May love prevail, may light prevail, may peace prevail, Maggie

The Planetary Awakening Network
http://www.planetawake.org/

Frog dream being updated

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I had to add this copyright notice to all my blog entries because I just found my entire dream about being a frog on two different blogs. This really offends me because it is obvious that someone noticed the page wasn't coming up in searches any more (I had removed it to edit and upload to my new site) and took it. Now, if I publish my own content, google may see it as duplicate.

I'm checking into how to report this. If the two blogs that listed my copywritten dream interpretation won't remove it, I'll have to report to whomever that would be at blogger.

Hope I don't have to take it that far. I can prove it's my dream with wayback.

The two who have taken this dream and posted it as their own content are bloggers
clippersbasket and eltonbrandlac. In posting comments asking them to remove the dream, it appears that both blogs are by the same blogger.com user and what is odd is that neither blog is about dreams at all.

I am in the process of editing this dream and will post it here when finished:

Medicine Dream Diary

Explore Your Dreams
Tips for interpreting your dreams
Other Dreams

Dreams about being a Frog; The Avocado Face Dream

I'm a medicine dreamer. That is to say, I work with my dreams as a source of spiritual medicine. I also work with the teachings of totem animals or power animals. For me, Frog is a signficant totem and has always been a part of my healing facilitation work with others.

If you are unfamiliar with the idea that animals can provide spiritual input, guidance and actual power for your spiritual walk, a writer named Ted Andrews has a couple of books that helped me in the beginning, to learn about animal medicine in waking life and in dreams.

Ted is the author of Animal Speak, and Animal Wise.

I use Animal Speak the most but call on the Animal Wise for any totem I can't find in Speak. These are very basic totem references and I encourage you not to just take the typical meaning but really search to see what the totem or power animal that may have appeared in your own life means to you specfically.


The Dream: This medicine dream was very brief and came after I'd had several other dreams the same night. I consider that type of ending dream to sort of be an ending to a message so if I'm going to lose any dreams, it's nice if they are before and not the last one.

Quite simply, I became aware that I was a frog. This was not a lucid dream but, in the dream itself, I realized I was a frog.

I had a growth of some kind inside my left ear. It could have been a wart.

I snipped the strange growth out of my frog ear with fingernail clippers but suddenly realized that I had cut away my ear, except for the hole that goes down into the ear. Where I had removed the ear tissue, the skin looked exactly like an avocado that had been peeled. Actually, the whole left side of my face looked like an avocado.

It wasn't just that my face looked like a peeled avocado....it actually felt as if it was avocado. Hard to articulate the difference between something that looks like and something that feels like but it was a different feeling.

I became frightened that I might actually rub off my face (interesting...rewriting it here I just thought of "losing face" and wonder if I missed another message in the dream of an ego nature. I'll have to give that some thought. Guess I can thank
clippersbasket and eltonbrandlac for that.)

Actually, more interestingly is the current situation where this person has taken my dream from me and posted it as his own content. Hmmmm. Lots to think about there. Anyway, back to the dream......

I think I came close to having a lucid dream at that point since I was somehow aware of being asleep in the dream and worried about losing face. Something calmed me at that point in the dream because I realized that, even though my ear was gone and my face looked like avocado, I could still hear since the hole leading to the internal ear was still in tact.

Side note: This reminds me of a line from one of my all-time favorite comedies, "Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou". You remember? They are sitting in the movie theater and Delmar whispers to Pete...."We thought you was a toad!".

My take on the dream so far:

Because of my own work with the frog totem, the first thing I notice is the fact that I am a frog in the dream. That is significant because of how often frog assists in my healing facilitation work, in areas of emotional release and cleansing.
Frog medicine helps people to let go of and express even the deepest emotional trauma and pain. Frog Medicine helped me be very effective with people who had been abused, those who were victims of incest or those who had emotional scarring from past experiences and events that disrupted their ability to enjoy life in the present.

The next significant factor in this dream is having a growth in my ear, which would impede hearing correctly and the actions I took to remove the obstacle to clear hearing.

This speaks to me (and I hear it, ha) about needing to be more aware of what I'm hearing and how it may be affecting me. Also of noticing what I don't want to hear and may be avoiding knowing.

The avocado face part of the dream reminded me of a time in my past. I now love avocados and eat them regularly. However, when I was younger it was a very different story. I had never seen or heard of an avocado til I visited my cousin over the summer. We were in a store and saw one and asked what it was. My uncle said it was an avocado and we wanted to try it. He agreed to buy it but said we'd have to eat all of it. That was a bargain that we didn't really realize would be so hard. Neither of us liked it. I thought it was horrible.

When asking what a dream is about, I always notice seemingly random memories of past events that may come up, such as this one. They are not truly random in my experience but very significant to the dream message itself.

I hated avocados, had a terrible experience with them and now love them.

I feel this is a message saying that even though I went through a trauma with my avocado face, I will end up in a better place for having done this self-surgery on my ear and removing what was impeding my ability to hear clearly.

I was losing face, yes, but also preparing for a new face, a fresh face, a stronger face.

Dreams about Celebrities: Dreams about John Gielgud

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I haven't been remembering my dreams a lot lately. I had a long, involved and very unpleasant dream the other night but can only remember a snippet.

Dream Snippet: I am going up some steep stairs when I hear footsteps behind me. It is John Gielgud. He is his current age and I, in the dream, seem to be younger and physically stronger than my current age. Therefore, I am very surprised to hear John gaining on me. His steps are determined and fast. In this dream, John is set on evil intent. I suddenly realize he will catch me.

After that, I only vaguely remember reaching the top of the stairs and being thrust into a very dangerous and scary situation with some hostage elements. I don't think I was the primary hostage but arriving when I did, got me involved.

My take on the snippet so far: I typically consider scary dreams or challenging dreams to be very important on a spiritual level, and always good. Always a sign that something of importance is surfacing, something important enough to effect my ego-self and generate fear.

I am grateful I was going up the stairs and not going down them. The upward motion indicates striving toward a new level of dealing with something, in my personal dream awareness, so it's a good sign that I'm moving forward with something.

Whenever I have dreams about celebrities, I ask my inner self whether they are appearing in the dream as a person or a character. Then, I look at what I think of them as people or what I feel about any character they have played that is then represented in my dream.

In this dream, John is there as a character. Basically, he is the butler from Arthur. In that film, he had little patience for the pettiness of his royal charge. He didn't cut Arthur any slack. I think his purpose in this dream is the same for me. He was behind me and determined to follow
me up those stairs and into whatever I needed to work through on the next level.

I don't remember seeing John again after reaching the top of the stairs. There was another man there, with a gun or knife, and a woman being held hostage. She was terrified.

At this point, I can't recall the other man.....not quite ready to deal with what I've found at the upper level of my consciousness but at least I made it to the top of the stairs and began to have the experience of what my subconscious wanted to show me. I take that as a positive sign.

Dreams about Auditions and Inability to get somewhere important

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The Dream:
I don't recall all the wonderful levels of nuance in this dream that were apparent on waking. It is often enough that I spend time evaluating all the levels on waking up but it would be nice to remember them now to share with you. This is what I recall....

I am somewhere away from home, not sure where. I get a call that I have an audition. I am looking for some way to get to the audition and I think I can ride with a woman who is there at the same place I am visiting. I see her at a doorway, with some young kids and realize she is leaving so I go to ask if I can ride with her. However, I can't find her and next thing I recall, I realize she has already left.

I start to get in a car and drive to the audition which is apparently in Atlanta Georgia, but as I start to leave I realize I have less than two hours to get there and I probably won't make it. I have one foot inside the car and the other one the ground as I debate whether to rush to Atlanta, on hopes of getting there in time to audition, or just not go.

My take on the dream so far:
The first significant sign in this dream is that I know the woman I hope to catch a ride with. She is someone I went to school with and their family surname is "barron". As is often the case with dreamtime symbols and messages, I instinctively know this word has meaning for me, specific to the message of the dream. Instead of "barron", I saw "barren".
This dream is quite literal for me. As a performance artist, I spent a couple of very expensive months in Los Angeles looking for acting work. Then, the traffic got to me and I decided to come back home to the south. Now, I'm facing a decision of whether to return again for the fall casting season or not. The dream is telling me, in no uncertain terms, that going back now would not be a very smooth trip for me. I find that, when I'm conflicted over something to a strong degree, getting good results is almost impossible.
I remain very conflicted about returning to Los Angeles. I truly, deeply hate the bumper to bumper traffic. Going 10 miles can take an hour and a half. Coming back can take that long as well. I think about that a lot. Driving for 3 hours of every day (and that's assuming I just have one audition - some days, you might have as many as three). is not my idea of good time AT ALL.

I'm also literally checking out different ways to get there that might be less traumatic for me than driving or flying. I've checked on trains but that would take 4 to 5 days. There just is no easy way to do this.

My sitting there with one foot in the car and one still on the ground, debating, is a sure representation of my own internal conflict about going or staying.

The dream is telling me that trying to go back while I'm still this conflicted about it will only result in frustration and barren results.

OK.

Dreams about Celebrities: Dreams about Clint Eastwood

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The Dream:

I can't recall much at all but I'm in a mobile home with Clint Eastwood. He is telling me that we never got together because of timing. I wasn't sure what he meant but nodded yes.

Then, the trailer door came open and I saw the biggest dog I've ever seen. An impossible dog really, with oddly colored hair going from red to orange to brown.

The dog was vaguely frightening though it did nothing frightening. Clint came to the door and reached around me and closed it. Our arms were touching and hands. He kissed me and it was a deep, motionless connection.

Then, I asked what he meant by what he had said earlier.

He brusquely replied oh, that he had just meant we hadn't been friends because of timing, as if uncomfortable with the idea of romance with me.

My take on the dream so far:
Whenever I dream of celebrities, I have to ask what I feel about them, in general, not the characters they play (unless they show up in the dream as a character they have played, of course). I also must note that my interpretation also gets colored by my involvement in acting. Because I am a professional actress, Clint Eastwood represents a bit more to me than the non-actor, I assume.

So....I have always felt that Clint knew himself and his way of presenting himself to an exquisite degree and that's why he chose the roles he chose and why the worked so well for him. At the same time, they leave me unfulfilled because he's usually distant from himself in them. Hard to put into words....he gives a presentation of truth but he hides himself away behind it.

Because the dog was impossibly big, I realized that it held special significance, telling me that whatever it represented in my life was bigger than it should be. In my awareness, Dog medicine is about loyalty and service. I had to ask where I was being unloyal to myself and where I might not be noticing an opportunity to be of service as a spiritual being.

Update, July 10: Reading over this dream again, I am struck by my own intuition and the way I went down a well-established path of self-flagellation with it rather than seeing it true. My instincts were in the statement "whatever it represented was bigger than it should be". One of my biggest struggles has been needing to feel of service, and of value, all the time and never feeling I could just relax and be. Seeing this again after some time between the dream and me, I can see that the dog may have been telling me my concerns about being enough of service were bigger than they should be.

Clint had the feel of representing my male self in the dream, as opposed to any sense that his consciousness was actually there. I've had those types of dreams, where I felt the consciousness of the celebrity was with me, helping me, but this wasn't one of those.

Because Clint kissed me that deep, motionless way that usually means it is my male self connecting with me, and because he also helps me close the door against the vaguely threatening dog, I assume that my male self is not quite ready to deal with what the dog represents.
This also seems true because of his brusque change when asked what he had meant at the first of the dream.

Update, July 10: Even the fact that Clint "helps me close the door against the vaguely threatening dog" takes on new meaning now. Was I being told to ease up and let myself be ok?

So, I feel I've had an issue surface that will unfold in the future.

Also, one odd aside....the color of the dog reminded me of the Martha Stewart show I had watched the day before. On it, she was painting a lion's face on a cake and the colors she was using sort of matched the mane of the big dog in the dream but that's not the part of the show I remembered. I remembered earlier, when a man had come up holding a container that had toad frogs in it (I know that sounds like another weird dream but it was really on the show). He was on the show to educate people about the importance of protecting toads, which are different from frogs.

What bothered me about that segment is that he came in and started to talk and Martha made him stand there with that can in his hand for what seemed like 10 minutes while she made him listen to some track of thought she was in. It felt very awkward for him to just stand there. It felt controlling to me, the kind of nasty control that Martha Stewart was often accused of before her prison days.

So, if we look at Clint as my male self and the dog representing that aspect of Martha that I connected with when I looked at the dog in the dream, then here is my male and female in some sort of battle over awareness.

Very interesting dream.

Could your dreams help you win a Nobel prize?

I came across this article about a man named Otto Loewi.

Otto was working to try to discover how impulses are transmitted by nerves.

He was working day and night, this article says, but with little progress.

Then he had a dream about the work. He scribbled some notes after the dream but then found he couldn't read them the next morning. (I can't tell you how many times I've done the same thing but I didn't do what Otto did next, which is a big lesson.)

Since Otto couldn't read his own notes on the first dream, he must have unconsciouly asked for more input because he had another dream the next night and was able to hold onto enough of that one to put it into action.

The result was a Nobel Prize for Medicine in 1936.

So keep dreaming, ask for dreams about your most important work and put dreams into action when it is obvious that you are being shown something about the work.

What are you telling your body to feel?

This isn't a dream. It's something I've been thinking about, pondering......

One of the things I find myself saying a lot lately is

"I'm so sick of __________."

Fill in the blank with whatever is making me feel sick at the moment.

I suddenly saw the energy around my etheric template (that area just beyond
the physical body, which I see as a sort of electric blue pulsing area around the body, which
is the template on which our physical reality manifests) just drastically drop in frequency.

As I watched the effect of my own words, it looked like the energy dropped about three or
four levels almost instantly.

How devastating.

What are you telling your body to feel?

Stress, anxiety, worry and other communicative emotional states create an actual chemical reaction in the body that can lead to feelings of depression, and can, long term, contribute to the development of stress-related health challenges.

Medical science is only touching the tip of the iceberg in correlating between stress and illness.

I'm not hesitant in stating that all illness, and even some injury, can be linked to stress-related emotion as a causative factor.

So, what are you telling your body to feel?

It became evident to me that I was telling my body to feel sick of it's own life.

Whew.

Task at hand.....change what I'm saying to my body every day to reflect what I want to create.

Blessings, Neva

Sparking a Spiritual Revolution on Planet Earth

Sparking a Spiritual Revolution on Planet Earth
At this most critical crossroad in this world's history, humanity is slowly realizing that past centuries of warfare against man and nature can and will come to an end only when we disarm within the very core essence from where our thoughts, decisions and actions stem the primal cause of self-destruction and wanton violence.

All Life forms are united by the very nature of this magical Life Force that runs through each sentient and non-sentient form of Life on this planet and everywhere else in this Universe and beyond.

Realizing, understanding, imbuing ourselves with this incontrovertible and yet unfathomable Reality is the only means through which humanity can come to adjust its everyday thoughts, words and actions to the fact that We Are All One.

One could make the argument that our own genetic code already spells out in minute details how closely related we all are from a biological standpoint. But this is not about mental reasoning or intellectual construct. This is all and only about intuitively sensing what has been there all along and opening ourselves to Our Selves.

There is no way around the fact that in division and duality we all perish, whereas in unification and reintegration into Oneness, we all survive and prosper.As more and more souls awaken to their innate Oneness with All That Is and actualize this Reality into all they are until the very sense of separation is gone, extinguished, annihilated, it is becoming ever more easier for other awakening souls to likewise tune into this omnifying vibration that resonates like a dynamic magnetic star core in all frequency bands, permeating the very substance of our planetary body and exponentially expanding towards its Fifth Dimensional Accomplishment.

As more and more souls awaken to their innate Oneness with All That Is and actualize this Reality into all they are until the very sense of separation is gone, extinguished, annihilated, it is becoming ever more easier for other awakening souls to likewise tune into this omnifying vibration that resonates like a dynamic magnetic star core in all frequency bands, permeating the very substance of our planetary body and exponentially expanding towards its Fifth Dimensional Accomplishment.

The results from this Miracle in progress are astonishing to behold and the upwardly cascading radiance of Love that stems from the center of every single cell of our human bodies in a symphonic chorus of tingling ecstasy is melting the fast vanishing barriers of deception built by fear, hatred and disharmonic vibrations generated by our lower animal nature as our embodied souls struggled through countless centuries of incremental growth towards this critical threshold of global awakening we have collectively entered, starting in August 17, 1987 and during successive other Moments of Cosmic Choice, up to this critical juncture in our specific time continuum.

The Time is NOW.

Let us all rejoice, celebrate and contemplate in melted awe what is happening to our Selves as we reach up to the last inner key to the final Moment of Choice and Global Awakening.

(Taken from http://www.earthrainbownetwork.com/Sparking.htm)

Prayer is an Egg

I got this wonderful information from my friend Ellen. I am posting it to remind us of our many gifts, and the responsibility that comes from such Sacred Gifting.

On Resurrection Day God(dess) will say, "What did you do with
the strength and energy your food gave you on earth?

How did you use your eyes?

What did you make with your five senses while they were dimming and playing out?

I gave you hands and feet as tools for preparing the ground for planting. Did you,
in the health I gave, do the plowing?"

You will not be able to stand when you
hear those questions. You will bend double, and finally acknowledge the glory. God(dess)
will say, "Lift your head and answer the qeustions." Your head will rise
a little, then slump again. "Look at me! Tell what you've done." You try,
but you fall back flat as a snake. "I want every detail. Say!" Eventually you
will be able to get to a sitting position. "Be plain and clear. I have given you
such gifts. What did you do with them?"

You turn to the right looking to the
prophets for help, as though to say, I am stuck in the mud of my life. Help me
out of this! They will answer, those kings, "The time for helping is past.
The plow stands there in the field. You should have used it." They you turn to
the left, where your family is, and they will say, "Don't look at us! This conversation
is between you and your creator." Then you pray the prayer that is the essence
of every ritual: God(dess),

I have no hope. I am torn to shreds. You are my first and last and only refuge.

Don't do daily prayers like a bird pecking, moving its head up and down. Prayer is an egg. Hatch out the total helplessness inside. Rumi - translated by Coleman Barks Risking Everything}110 Poems of Love and Revelation edited by Roger Housden

Dreams about Monsters and Sugar Daddy Mommas

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

Bizarre but almost instantly decipherable dreams last night.

Dreams about Monsters:
I dreamed I was at a meeting where there were pews, like a church. Not sure it was a church service though. I lookedbehind me a couple of rows and saw this big red lizard-like monster,and I called out to warn the woman it was crawling toward.

Then, it came up two pews. I was lying on my left side with my rightleg extended behind me on the pew. This monster, which was kind ofa lump shape but scaly and red, the color of blood, mixed with some black,seemed to attach itself to my right calf. I was trying to scream but couldn'tbe heard over the boistrous conversations of the crowd. Finally, I found voiceand the man who owned the lizard thing suddenly realized it was on me andstarted up the aisle to get it. End of dream.

Somewhere in that same dream and in another dream sequence after that dreamsnippet (I call dreams snippets if they just seem to be a scene cut out of a largermovie rather than telling a whole story) I was approached by two or three men, with suggestions that I become the female equivalent of a Sugar Daddy and support them. End of Dream.

My take on the dreams so far:
They are both actually very easy to interpret for me. I had a conversation yesterday with a man whose girlfriend had just found out she had blood clots in her lungs. The clots had traveled from her legs. It is a condition called DVT, or Deep Vein Thrombosis. I, myself, have been concerned that I might still have some blockage in my right calf, becaues it swells. Talking with this man triggered the fear again and hence, the red monster attached to my calf.

Here's where it gets tricky. Is the dream telling me I am right or is it magnifying my fears? My initial feeling is that it is magnifying but I also know enough about creating your own reality to know that what you fear, you eventually can draw into your experience. It is really the only way to face fears that cannot be healed and released. So, either way, it's a serious dream but not one I would qualify as a "Medicine Dream". It did not have the feel of one, and it did not contain spiritual acceleration information. It just was what it was.

Dreams about Sugar Daddy Mommas:
The second dream is equally clear to me. Yesterday, also, I had some work done by a relative. I've been paying my relatives to do work around my house. There has been a feeling, of late, that charity might be expected rather than equal exchange, at least with one of them. In both cases, I do have work that needs to be done and I'm grateful to have someone who can do and be able to help members of my family too but sometimes it just feels like I have to keep it up now because they have grown to depend on it. My financial situation has changed this year and it has started to surface some feelings about money that I haven't had to deal with for a long time. It has made it harder not to allow myself to be aligned with the vibration of poverty that still exists for them.

How our role models affect us spiritually

In the last post, I shared a dream about my Grandmother, who has been gone for many years. In that dream, I talked about how, in attempting to adopt the good qualities I saw in her, I also adopted her severity and tendency to be way too hard on herself and others. I wanted to expand on that a bit since it may have sounded like a negative and I did not see it that way.

I believe we choose our family lines. We choose them for the gifts within them and for connections we need to make, to advance our own spiritual growth based partially on our past experiences with them. While I do not have a traditional view of karma, I do believe our soul often chooses to resolve past experiences by coming back into lifetimes with the same people over and over until some soul-chosen adventure is complete.

While it is true that I did not see a lot of joy in my Grandmother's life, and she was so very serious all the time, it is equally true that she was a tremendously focused, disciplined and spiritually clear being. She was unyielding in her service to others and her sacrifice of herself, in service. She gave me a gift.

To me, a gift does not care how you use it. Otherwise, it would not really be a gift. I made choices to use the gift of Grandma's severity to get me through scary relationships and a fear of change. If I felt vulnerable, I became severe. It was a good tool for the time that I used it that way, because it gave me time to soften inside and become more willing to risk. Over time, the gift became an obstacle to further growth and I faced a choice....to continue using it as a shield and to keep myself from crossing some imaginary spiritual line, or to learn to utilize that amazing discipline I saw in my Grandmother, to train myself to seek joy, to walk through vulnerability to the other side of true strength.

So, I guess what I am saying is that we can look at our family relationships in different ways. We can resent what we consider negative tendencies that we learned from our closest role models or we can see them as opportunities to grow, as spiritual gifts we can unwrap in our own lives.

Dreams with Dead Grandmothers

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

Last night, I dreamed of Grandma. She's been gone for many years now.

It isn't the first time I 've dreamed of her, but it's the first time in a long time.

I think I posted earlier on this blog, about a dream I had decades ago, where my Grandmother was in some kind of concentration camp. She had knowledge, secret knowledge, and those in power were torturing her to release it. She was given the choice of telling what she knew and saving her family or refusing to tell and watching us be tortured to death in front of her. I was to be the first one so tortured.

I woke from that dream before it's completion, screaming. I wept for hours and could not go back to sleep. At that time in my life, I had no awareness of past lives. That was certainly never taught in our fundamental Christian church. Never even mentioned.

Anyway, back to the current dream.....

I am lying on a bed, drenched in sweat. I am in esctatic trance and speaking in foreign languages. My Grandmother sits beside me, sopping my forehead with a wet cloth. My neice sits in the room also, and she seems afraid for my health.

I am aware of them both and can see what they are doing, even though I have my eyes closed on the bed. This isn't me, the dreamer, observing the dream. This is me on the bed, in the dream itself, observing them. There's a difference. When I have a realization in a dream that I can see someone with my eyes closed, I know I'm having a Medicine Dream -- a dream of spiritual significance that goes beyond Freudian, Jungian or other typical interpretation.

So, while I do look at typical meanings for Grandmother, spiritually powerful positions such as that of a trance medium, etc. I know that I am dealing with something raw and potent that has nothing to do with the current issues of my life. In other words, I'm not just working out some issue of the personality self in this dream. I am doing spiritual work.

I have been aware, for a long time, that we often are utilized by Spirit, to speak a Word into the universe for someone. We don't ever have to know who the information was for, or in this case even what it was. We just have to be open to being utilized to get important information out.

Now, my Grandmother was a staunch fundamental Church of Christ woman with a backbone of steel and no patience at all for weakness, particularly in herself. She would have thought the devil had taken possession of me, if this kind of esctatic trance had ever happened while she were alive, here on earth. In the dream, from the other side of things, she was calm and facilitating the process.

Yes, again, all sorts of Jungian interpretation possible there. I'm aware and don't dismiss it but just know that there is more to this one than that.

I often dream of this particular niece whenever she is struggling. The fact that she was there observing and fearful of me was signficant to me because I feel she's at a point in her own life where she is being stirred to Purpose and, if I'm an example of that, it doesn't look like an easy road to her. She is right about that but once called, not going is worse.

I have also written on this blog about a spiritual baptism I received several years ago, after which everything I held dear was taken from me. My life was stripped down to nothing at all and I believe I came close to choosing death -- not deliberate suicide, just a choice to not care about my life anymore.

I've also written on this blog about my recent struggle with an old demon, alcohol. That was a deliberate struggle. I very carefully and deliberately started to drink again, after 9 years without it in my life. I made the choice to walk thru what killed my father, because I didn't want to run from it the rest of my life.

For two and a half years, I drank daily. Not a lot, on most days. On most days, I had one or two beers. Occasionally, I had three. And very rarely, I got drunk. Each day of that two and a half years, I deliberately danced with this devil of my father.

Am I through with that dance? Only time will tell. I know I stopped. I know I recognize what drives me toward it. I know that is what has to be healed. And I know my life depends on healing it.

So, dreams about dead Grandmothers. What do they mean? For most of us, in general, our Grandmothers were special. In my case, my Grandmother represented righteousness. She was the most dedicated, focused, and disciplined person I knew. She was not happy, though. She was severe. So, in taking on her good qualities, I also took on the severity. My whole life, I've been severe with life. I've been severe with others. I've most particularly been severe with me.

The dream, in part, was tremendously spiritual and a true Medicine Dream because the trance was real, the languages spoken were real, and they were transmitted to someone that night.

On the other hand, it was also real that my Grandmother was supporting me and helping me to come back to my core as a being of spiritual service. Since the spiritual baptism I mentioned above, I have pulled myself away from service. As a tremendously wounded healer, I could no longer offer healing energy to others. This was as it should have been but Grandmother is helping me toward the day when I will once again be available to others in that way. The day is soon.

my friend suze

Got this article from my friend Susan, in Ashland, Oregon.
Enjoy!

We promised in a way so solid and committed that
the call swayed Universes...and even the Will of God

r
i
p
p
l
e
d.

"We will stay until the last Being is saved from suffering"

In this New Time, the time of allowing sovereignty, how does one
let go? How do we unlearn the modalities and methods
of saviour, martyr, mentor, etc. that have served us
and others so well?

How do we seemingly turn our backs as we walk into the
Eternal Sun, void of drama and illusory sensations? How
do we reconcile in ourselves all those who are still
choosing the illusions we interpret as suffering? What
does the evolution of Bodhisattva look like?

Whether we realize it or not and whether our eyes
ever see evidence of it, we have actualized our mission
to its fullest.

We, as a Collective Soul, chose these lifebodies to take on

many, if not all, of the most dense attributes holding humanity

in the cemented grid system it has long since endured. The deepest

darkest of shadow that was. We dove into the deep end of the

pool of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual afflictions...

ON PURPOSE.

We murdered, we raped, we avenged, we stole, we jealousied,

we hated - we deeply experienced separation and loss in all

of its faces and forms.

Not only did we walk these attributes, we, as a Collective Soul,

have also cleared and/or helped others clear them, ultimately

forgiving every transgression done unto us or by our own hand.

This honey balm of forgiveness clearing and

resultant removal of blame opened

a multitude of gridlines - blasting density into Light. These

pinpoint openings have become humanity's (the Collective

Consciousness) trapeze to freedom for those ready to fly;

our final curtain call, the final act of love, the liberation from

the docudrama, the completion of the Bodhisattva vow.

By illumining the pathways, much like the emergency exit

signs we see in public places, all souls one by one will

decide for themselves by way of free will choice what

they will create in their futures. No judgment, no criticism,

no blame...no matter of form they choose.

We may have thought this particular zero point finish line

would look different; holding a stream of vigilance for so long

hoping everyone would end up in the happy bliss line.

When the real gift was to give possibility through

self-healedness and allow each soul unit to

quantify their own pace, surrendering our own hopeful projections.

We knew this final letting go would

be hard, but the truth is, it places the ultimate crown upon

the sweet head of each Beloved - the crown of unconditional

love...our gift of Freedom.

Our only task was to answer the call of those who cried out from

the trappings of doubt, guilt, shame and all other fear based

illusions. Those who just could not find a way out. Those

desperately seeking themSelves. The cry of the Collective

fragmented Heart to feel whole again.

We did it. It is done. New choice is available for ALL. No

one has been left behind. The "healing" work is complete.

We may continue facilitating or not. If we do it may simply,

though powerfully, shift from the angst of need to the joy

of discovery...a very different vibrational offering.

What's left for the Bodhisattva?

Perhaps to now open ourselves fully to the last frontier of

Shadowville - the dimmed and unseen potential of Joy.

I'm talking unbridled, childlike, glistening Joy.

Open those gridlines within Self now. Commend ourselves

a job well done in the bowels and heaviness of suffering

letting go of it in totality. Accept the shift into full blown

joyous and abundant Self expression.

Play in the quantum field of limitless Being that

creates a smile in every cell, whatever that looks like for you.

Choose Now.

Let our Being now Create from the unseen, un-illumined

Light sh! a! dow of Self. Continue to Be the Wayshowers we are

yet anew, forging expansive mind, delicious experience, and

enduring peace.

Service is now about unwrapping Us to fully taste the sweet

ambrosia of our deepest blossom. We've waited all our lives to

share this with one another. Welcome to the party!

Let us now dance together down the largely unused path of

soul fulfillment until it is muddied with tears of laughter and

trodden with countless heart shaped footsteps.

Grab your body instruments! Sing out, sculpt away, beat

your drum. Look around you and see who's here with you.

Grab them to whirl and twirl with our other Collective Soul Mates

to the internal tone of the One Heart that called us Home.

We made it!

Susan Grace
Consciousness Shift Facilitator * Heartist * Yoga Instructor

http://www.heartfulpresence.com/
/susangrace/@/heartfulpresence.com/
(remove /'s before emailing)


541-899-2099
541-821-9921

Kissing Your Masculine Self

Dreams about kissing the inner male

I've had two dreams lately where I kissed a male in a particular, non-sexual but deeply intense way. It's difficult to articulate the difference in this kiss from any other in a dream but it is entirely different.

For one thing, whenever I am connecting with the male aspect of myself and striving to integrate some male/female imbalance within myself, the dream kiss is always long, almost completely still and incredibly connected. No kiss in real life was ever that intense and still at the same time.

In the first dream, I do not recognize the man but when our lips meet, I fall into trance and we seem to stand there, lips totally connected but not moving at all, forever. It is a long, long kiss and so much seems to be happening that moving at all is just impossible. Nothing can be added to this experience.

In the second dream, my masculine self takes the form of Jack Black, the actor. I remember thinking, in the dream itself, how beautiful his lips were. I remember thinking that I didn't recall him having such luscious lips. Then, we kiss and again, it is a motionless, full connection that seems to last forever. I'm aware, in the dream and while dreaming, that I am kissing my masculine self. When I wake, I ponder why my inner male took the form of Jack Black......I still haven't figured that one out.

I consider both dreams wonderful, just wonderful. At this point in my life, taming the natural tendency to do, do, do (masculine) and just allow flow, harmony, grace and the beauty of being (feminine) is a moment-to-moment challenge. It really takes most of my focus right now, this desire to balance being and doing. For most of my life, the masculine has ruled. I have done things, taken action, made things happen. It really doesn't work to be in masculine energy all the time. Sure, you make things happen but, for the most part, anything made to happen outside it's own flow, is doomed to be mediocre or worse, to fail. Doing, without being, is very short of divine.

Of course, being with no doing negates choosing to live in the third dimension at all. Doing has it's place, as the natural outcome of being. But for most of my life, I've had that cart before the horse. Working with all my consciousness to shift that pattern now. These two dreams tell me I'm making progress.

Dreams about dying

All content on this blog, unless otherwise noted, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

I've made a trip away from home recently, sold one of my online web businesses, and turned my life in rather new and exciting directions. I've been dreaming a lot but haven't had time to record many of them.

In the recent month, I've had at least three dreams about dying or being killed. Contrary to what might be assumed about that, I see it as very positive in light of all that I've been trying to let go of (let die) and all I've been working to rebirth and manifest in my life.

In one dream, I was down below a gunman who was up above, on some kind of staircase or ledge. As I ran across an open area and hid behind a structure, I became aware that the gunman had come down from his ledge and was sneaking up, looking for me.

Suddenly, I realized he was right behind me and had the gun aimed at me. Seeing him somehow, behind me but visible, I could see it was the character of John Locke off the tv series Lost. Just as I realized who it was, he shot me. The bullet hit the right occipital lobe and I felt it hit very intensely but with no pain. I felt the tissues exploding and the bullet going in and I knew it was a mortal wound. Then I woke up.

To me, several things were significant. John Locke is about the only character on Lost that I identify with at all. He's the only one that seems to have any agenda outside his own needs. The only one that recognizes the interconnectedness of events. So, for John to have shot me, and to have shot me where he shot me, is significant.

The site of the bullet wound is directly, very directly, associated with a particular instance of child abuse that shut me down entirely, on a psychic level for many years. I consider that "explosion of tissue" to be a good sign that the work I'm doing to heal the past and release myself from fears and restrictions based on a moment from the past are successful.

Holiday Greetings from another time

My warmest Christmas and holiday wishes to all,

Written on Christmas Eve, 1513

I salute you. I am your friend, and my love for you goes deep. There is nothing I can give you which you have not. But there ismuch,very much, that, while I cannot give it, you can take. No heaven cancome to us unless our hearts find rest in it today. Take heaven!

No peace lies in the future which is not hidden in this present little instant. Take peace! The gloom of the world is but a shadow. Behind it,yet within our reach, is joy. There is radiance and glory in darkness,could we but see. And to see, we have only to look. I beseech you to look!

Life is so generous a giver. But we, judging its gifts by their covering,cast them away as ugly or heavy or hard. Remove the covering, and you will find beneath it a living splendor, woven of love by wisdom, with power.

Welcome it, grasp it, and you touch the angel's hand that brings it to you. Everything we call a trial, a sorrow or a duty, believe me, that angel's hand is there. The gift is there and the wonder of an overshadowing presence. Your joys, too, be not content with them as joys. They, too, conceal diviner gifts.

Life is so full of meaning and purpose, so full of beauty beneath itscovering, that you will find earth but cloaks your heaven. Courage then to claim it; that is all! But courage you have, and the knowledge that weare pilgrims together, wending through unknown country home.

And so, at this time, I greet you, not quite as the world sends greetings,but with profound esteem and with the prayer that for you, now and forever, the day breaks and shadows flee away.

~ Fra Giovanni ~

Trouble holding on to dreams after waking

I've been having dreams but I can't seem to hold onto much about them after waking, which makes it hard to journal them here in any way that would be helpful to my blog visitors. There are dozens of very good reference dreams already recorded here so if this is your first visit, I hope you will visit those dreams in lieu of any new ones from me right now.

I do recall a tiny snippet of a dream involving James Twyman. I was paying my respects to him with regard to his wife's death. It was a very odd little scene but I won't go into it because it involves information that might not be helpful in that situation.

I have noticed that I seem to shut down dreamtime recall subconsciously when things get too intense for me and I think that's what is happening now. I will post again as soon as there is something helpful to post.

Until then, I came across this dreamtime resource which you may find helpful:

It's called Dreamcatcher and here's some info on it: Dreams are gateways to the soul. Drift gently into the mystical dreamstate with soothing ambient music, calming water sounds and Hemi-Sync. Don Peyote and Naasko bring their shamanic influence to bear in this versatile composition. Dreamcatcher supports deep, restorative sleep when used in coninuous play. It may also be used for massage therapy, subtle energy healing work of for powerful meditations in the borderland sleep state. Instruments featured: harmonic chords, drones, synthesizer, and field recordings of water sounds and whale calls.

Freebie - Ultimate Reality

A freebie for the holiday season: Receive 7 Chapters From "Our Ultimate Reality" Absolutely Free On The Subjects of: Psychics, Astral Projection, Out Of Body Experiences, The Eternal Now, Law Of Attraction, Healing, and Dreams.

After you read the free 7 chapters, you may want to get the entire ebook. The topics covered include:

1. How to Heal Any Disease, Illness or Ailment, However Serious It Might Seem

2. How to Attract Anything At All That You Need, Wish For or Desire Into Your Life

3. How to Achieve Astral Projection and OBE's; Learn The 3 Best Methods For Each

4. How to Visit Where You Will Go To After "Death" And Also Visit "Deceased" Relatives

5. How To Contact Your Inner-Self To Find The True Answers To Important Questions

Fifth Dimensional Consciousness Dreams and a Message from the Elders

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

I haven't posted in a while and apologize for that. I don't know how many of the people who read this blog will know about moving into Fifth Dimensional Consciousness but if you are one of the ones involved in that process, spiritually speaking, then you'll understand when I say that there has just been too much going on to write about it. Too many dreams, too fast, to record them in such a way that they would be meaningful to others who are not yet to the point of active transmutation to Fifth Dimensional Consciouness.

My dreams have been quite shamanic in nature. I've had three where I was killed, in the space of two weeks. Maybe I can write more about them later.

Much of my own spiritual path has been enhanced by the teachings of the Elders, in the Native American tribes. I so honor their adherence to the Sacredness of All Life. In place of dreams that I cannot yet record, and may never record, I want to offer this message from the Elders, because I had a dream that we'd be seeing these times they speak of too. Back in 1995, it came to me, this message.

Message from the Hopi Elders
This information, spiritual property of the Hopi Elders

There is a river flowing now very fast.It is so great and swift, that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they¹re being torn apart and will suffer greatly.

Know that the river has its destination.The elders say we must let go of the shores. Push off into the middle of the river. Keep our eyes open and our heads above water. And I say, see who is there with you and celebrate.

At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt. The way of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves. Banish the word "struggle ' from your attitude and vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.

What is Paradise?

This is not a dream but an email received by a dear friend of mine, from a friend of hers who recently pursued a dream of moving to Hawaii. Her words are so poignant and I resonate so closely with her own experience of becoming, that I wanted to share them with you here. Thanks to Nicole, for sharing this information and Susan, of www.heartfulpresence.com for sending it on to me, so that I could share it with you here. Neva

Aloha Susan,

I have thinking about you and just wanted to send you a note. I appreciate your presence and perspective that you add to my life. It was so nice to giggle and connect with you the other day. I love you.

I have been writing a lot lately. I'd like to share alittle bit about what its like to BE here...

So here i am in maui.. i indeed made it back home.. i feel supported and in tune on a whole new level... a feeling of contentment.. wow, i dont think i ever really experienced what that is.. a sense of beingmore grounded and connected and in alignment..my heartfeels open and expanding...i feel like i can breathe easy.. i feel like my spirit is being fed...it is so lush and so comforting to be here, its also a lot of energy to align with.. im living on a freakin volcano for gosh sakes in the middle of the ocean.. its pretty funny when you think about it... its intense and amazing...I am so grateful for however long it lasts..its good to BE here.. its amazing to be alive..it isparadise for me for now.. Not that paradise is all sunsets, rainbows and dolphins all the time..and its not like im all skippyand happy all the time either..its been a lot of inner reflection and purging and allowing and trusting and knowing and being and doing,a balancing act for sure...but it is indeed allperfect.

I'm up, I'm down, and all around.. the line of sanity is fine and its all perception..its intense times and reality is crumbling.. its exciting and challenging to keep perspective, to keep a sense of humor.. to keep going on.. to relate to the world when the illusion of chaos, fear and doom seems like thats all there is...to hold the love and knowing that the illusion has to crumble before the phoenix can rise again... the knowing that we are here to shift the reality and align in spirit..that we are all truly one...to keep the embers stoked, when it feels like the fire has gone out.. when its hard to relate to anyone or anything.. but, somehow.. we know that its just getting to the good part.. hold on just a littlelonger.. there is a reason to the madness.. i still am holding on..with a half grin most of the time.. what else can i do..as the web of connectedness expands..and we awaken from the slumber and remember who we are and why we are here..ahhhhh loooo haaaa... hee heee I love you and send you lots of love and bellylaughter and joy and peace to support you in your unfolding dream...how is everything in your world by the way? love, nicole

Dreams about Hawks and Shapeshifting

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haven't posted in a while. My apologies. To be honest, the dreams I've been having have been so difficult and challenging in their messages that I wasn't sure I wanted to share them in a public way. The one I'll share today is one of those.

THE DREAM:
I am sitting on the ground, in the area between my mother's current home and the home of my brother. I am there with another relative. I am looking at a Hawk above me when suddenly, it seems to vanish. I comment on this but in looking up again once more, I realize (and I think this in the dream) that the sense it had vanished was an optical illusion. All it had really done was go tremendously higher in the sky, very quickly. I lost sight of it because it was no longer anywhere near the area where I had last seen it. I was slightly disturbed on realizing this, in the dream. I felt that perhaps I had also been wrong about things in the past, things of spiritual significance.

To me, seeing a Hawk is always spiritually significant. They are Spirit Messengers, which means just that. When they appear, and you see them, they carry a message, from Spirit, for you at that time.

Just as I was realizing this optical illusion was disturbing to me, the Hawk started flying very fast toward us. At the last moment, I realized the impossible was happening. This huge Hawk was coming straight for us. It landed directly in front of me and then fell over. It was dead. It was also stiff, which would mean it had been dead for some time but I just saw it flying.....

Within moments, I saw another Hawk which landed directly behind me and started pecking at the head and eyes of my male relative sitting there with me. I knew the second Hawk was a male, just as I knew that the dead Hawk in front of me, slightly to my left, was a female.

I woke with a simple sentence in my head: "The female is dead and the male is angry".

NOTE ON SHAPESHIFTING: It is very significant to me that both Hawks, the female and then the male, seemed to shapeshift throughout the dream, from Hawk to Owl. The Medicine of these two birds is quite different so the message became a little more complex when I realized they had both been shapeshifting throughout the dream.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
Whew, this one is gonna take some study. I do realize that the male/female energies in my own life have been called into question and that I've been noticing imbalances in that area of my life.

I also recognize the significance of the location of the dream, as I'm sitting between the home of my mother and my brother. Both have had heart attacks and my mom now faces more surgery for blockages in her neck. I've written here, in this blog, about my own circulatory concerns and so, this message seems to be addressing physical dangers as well as spiritual.

Given the severity of the message, I know the dream is vitally important.
I'll be posting more within a few days time so check back.

UPDATE, NOVEMBER 3:
This morning, in alpha state after awakening, I again remembered this dream and a message started to form:

"When I doubt my spiritual experiences and truth, the Divine Femine cannot function in my life and the male dominates in an unhealthy manner."

I've been going thru a restructuring of my entire belief system for the past three years. I have definitely had doubts about trusting what I know. Like the Hawk, I've wondered if maybe it was all just illusion, a trick of the mind. It was directly after having that thought in the dream, that I had been fooled by an optical illusion, that the female plummeted to my side and fell over dead. Immediately following that, the male descended, angry and looking for someone to blame. That could sum up what I've actually done in real life, quite well.

I also, simultaneously, know that this dream is yet another warning about my health. I know this because of the shapeshifting. Owl is about deception but another of it's medicines is death. Typically, the death messages of dreams involve the ego, or personality death but, in this dream. Owl points to both warnings.

When I went to my chiropractor yesterday, she said to me quite bluntly:

"Whenever I see someone as uncomfortable in their body as you are, I have to ask my self ..... am I helping you stay or helping you go?"

Dreams about Death and High School Classmates

All content on this blog, unless otherwise noted, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

THE DREAM:
I am attending a memorial for two young men who have died. They were both in my class at school and I've been asked to speak about them at the memorial. I am with a friend, a powerful medicine worker, and she also is going to speak.

We walk across a football field and get in line behind other students to wait our turn to speak. However, I suddenly find myself separated from the group and on the other side of the gym where the memorial service is taking place. I become concerned that I am going to miss my turn to speak so I begin to run back toward the football field. As I run, I see people walking out of the gym and I ask where they are going. One woman says that the memorial service is over. I yell "No" and run into the gym where the body of one of the young men was kept and it is gone. Another person confirms that the service is indeed over.

At this point, I begin to sob and thru tears, I tell the 4-5 people who are standing around that I won't be able to say what I wanted to say. This realization is deeply disturbing to me. Then I ask if I can say to them what I wanted to say to everyone. I begin to speak about the young men in my old class. I'm aware, as I'm doing this, that there is nothing I can think of to say about the other young man.

I start by being very honest about my classmate. I tell the people how he was, like most teenage boys, rather obssessed with sex. I tell them how selfish he seemed and how he was aggressive toward the girls on the school bus. Then I start talking about ther ways this person changed, after a terrible accident that almost killed him. He became somewhat of a spiritual guru after a near-fatal accident. He practiced yoga and was very spiritually aware. I didn't know this from personal experience but heard it from different people in the community. My last sentence was, "I didn't know that person. I wish I had."

After I finished, I noticed that there were now about 25 or 30 people gathered. Most of them were from the community. Several people were weeping. One woman in front was deeply touched and I felt she had some karmic relationship with my classmate. I noticed another woman from the community on the front row. She stood up and her eyes were sparkling with appreciation. I went toward her to hug her but she put out her hand and stopped me, then she put both her hands together and bowed toward me in an obvious honoring way.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
I see this dream as the surfacing of strong issues that have been signaled by all the dreams I've been having lately about water. Family challenges are also part of the water dreams but this dream, in particular, deals with two other issues.

Just as in the dream, the two young men in the dream are actually known to me. One of them is dead and the other one, I am assuming, is still alive somewhere. It is the classmate who is still alive that I spoke about in the dream. Just as in the dream, this young man was always trying to get a hand up under any girl's shirt or skirt he could. He was popular, aggressive, and totally obssessed with girls. And just as in the dream, he was almost killed in real life and, at some point after recovering from that, he did undergo some sort of spiritual awakening.

When I first started considering what the dream could be telling me, I wondered if I needed to find him. I wondered if I needed to have some kind of closure around our past together. I'm still not sure about that but I think what's more important is that he was reflecting to me a very deep truth about my belief system around men in general. When I said, "I didn't know that person. I wish I had.", I don't think I was just talking about one man. The reality is that I don't think I've ever known "that person" at all, in any of the men that I've cared about or loved. Realizing that, just as these words are being typed, makes me sad.

Beyond the personal message to me about how I really feel about men, I believe a larger spiritual message was also present. Since the dissolution of my spiritual marriage about 3 years ago, I've basically stopped working as a spiritual teacher, healer, and counselor. When I became deeply disturbed by the fact that I could not deliver my "message", I believe the dream was warning me that I cannot continue to hide away and hold back my gifts from the world without serious emotional and spiritual repercussions. When I did manage to get the message out, albeit only to the small group that remained, I was honored for that effort by the community, as represented by the woman who forced me to notice her honoring bow but interrupting my natural tendency to give more, by hugging her. She is a real woman, here in the community where I grew up and where I now live again.

Also, the fact that my Medicine Worker friend is in the dream with me speaks of a higher spiritual message. She was a big clue that I was being asked to step up to the plate, so to speak, by her appearning in the dream and doing exactly the same thing. She made her speech, as far as I know, but I almost missed mine when I became seperated from her (from the spiritual aspects of my work).

I've pondered what it meant that I could find nothing to say about the other young man who had died and for whom the memorial was also being held. In real life, he was abrasive and crude and I did not like him. I felt he treated people in a degrading manner. His life ended abruptly so he did not have the chance to experience a spiritual awakening like the other classmate. I feel there is perhaps an even stronger spiritual message in that small detail - my inability to find anything to say about him. However, I'm not getting to that right now so that's left to unfold in my consciousness as time goes by.

Dreams about water; Dreams about Celebrities

DREAMS ABOUT SWIMMING; DREAMS ABOUT PATRICK SWAYZE:
I must admit that the dream I had last night has me a little baffled. It doesn't follow my usual patterns at all so I'm having a little more trouble understanding it. I do know it's my third dream about water in about a week. Definite emotional cleansing underway. At least in this dream, the water isn't flooding and I'm gently reaching it but there is still concern about health issues indicated as well.

THE DREAM: I am up high somewhere, above a lake. I am the girlfriend from "Eddie and the Cruisers". I am suspended on the foot of Patrick Swayze. I'm just hanging limp over his foot, with the arch of his foot at my stomach or abdomen and legs and arms hanging down. We are being lowered by a crane toward water. I remember thinking that the water would feel very good. It seems maybe I was a little hot and thought the water would cool me off. I was gently lowered into the water and began to swim. I saw around the entire lake. As I left the lake after circling it, swimming, I observed that my mouth was bleeding, on the left side near the corner of the lip.

Then, the scene changed and I was listening to a doctor saying that he really didn't think it was anything serious. He thought I might have just hit something while I was swimming. I told him emphatically "BUT I SWAM AROUND THE ENTIRE LAKE" as if that fact was really significant and ruled out my having hit anything in the water. I woke feeling the doctor didn't know what he was talking about and something else was at the root of the injury.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
Don't have much of one yet but I do know that I asked specifically for guidance as to what I needed to do with my life, what direction I needed to go in, so I have to assume this dream is an answer. I know my choice of celebrities is significant. I have to consider how I feel about the woman who played the girlfriend in Eddie and how I feel about Patrick to begin to unravel the meaning. I'll write more as I have time to digest it.

UPDATE, September 26:
Since this dream, I've had at least two more dreams involving water. In one, I was about to be distracted from looking at a deep pool of water when my sister came by and dipped her hands in the water, flicking water outward and bringing my attention back to the pond. In another dream, I fell into a shallow area of water circled by large, rough-hewn stone and was trying to go across the area to my mom when I realized the water was getting much deeper and so I turned back to the shallow side and got out, only to fall in once more.

Both these dreams contained family members. It's becoming clear to me that the emotional clearing indicated by all these water dreams is, at least partially, to do with my family. When examining the Patrick Swayze dream, I realize it's also about my belief systems around men, relationships, and intimacy.

Now, on the dream with Patrick Swayze.....Whenever celebrities come into my dreamtime, I always ask myself what I think about the celebrities who have shown up.

My sense in the original dream was that the girlfriend from "eddie and the cruisers" represented myself. So what are my thoughts on that character (not the actress)....I felt she was a wannabe...She was hard and acted all sexy but really she just wanted to fit in. Her outfits were just a little too tight to be attractive, to me.

So, how does this apply to me? Well, in my past, I certainly used my sexuality to define myself. There was a two year period in my younger years where it was how I expressed, the only way I expressed intimacy. Then, there was a told shut down of that energy followed by years of spiritual healing and acceleration and then, my last and only deep relationship with a man.
Even in that relationship, it eventually came down to sex. And I am aware that, at the same time I knew I would never really fit with his lifestyle, I still tried to fit. Square peg in a round hole.

My thoughts on Patrick Swayze....since the outfit, age and physique of Patrick in this particular dream were straight out of "Dirty Dancing" as opposed to his later films, I address how I felt about him in that film. There are two lines I remember. The first is when he approaches Baby's father to get help for his dancing partner who is pregnant. The father assumes Patrick's character is the father of the unwed child. Rather than explain or defend, Patrick says "You would think that" and walks away. The second line I remember is probably the one everyone my age remembers....."Nobody puts Baby in a corner". What I thought of Patrick....very agressively physical in representing a dance idol. Somehow less than real because of the ribs showing on the chest and the tight stomach. In all, Dirty Dancing was oddly unsatisfying to me. He didn't really rescue Baby as much as affirm what she would eventually affirm herself, given a little time. Maybe that film poked a few holes in my ideas about a knight in shining armor.

In the dream, I am prone across Patrick's foot. We are being lowered by a crane into the water. I feel good about it at the time. Then I am disturbed that, after swimming around the entire lake, the doctor assumes there is nothing wrong with me (despite my mouth bleeding) except that I must have ran into something in the lake.

This dream could represent, in condensed form, my spiritual marriage of seven years, about which I have spoken before in other dreams. I did feel very safe and looking forward to being immersed into that relationship. And after seven years of "swimming around the lake" so to speak, I did feel as if I'd never really been heard or understood. I also ended up with serious health challenges due to the trauma and stress of that parting. The bleeding out the mouth speaks to me of a need to have my pain understood.

Dreams about water

DREAMS ABOUT WATER:
I've had at least two dreams lately about flooding waters. In general, water typically points to emotional cleansing of some kind or another. My life has been mainly focused on some health challenges, which I've written about, and on my spiritual direction. Part of dealing with both those issues is healing emotions. The dreams about water help me with that aspect and also work as a gauge of how well I'm doing.

The first dream was during my trip to Oregon so I honestly can't recall much about it now except that there was a LOT of water. In my dream last night, the same was true.

DREAMS ABOUT WATER:
I am in a house that seems more like a boat. It has a lower level and I am on the very high upper level with a few other people I don't know. Looking out the back window of the house, I can see a flood of water rushing toward us. It goes thru and we are all sure the basement is soaked. After I get back in the upper level, I look out the window and a far more rapid flood of water is headed our way. The house rocks, as if it will come loose. I imagine it will float like a boat if it does come loose but it stays in tact. After the second flood, I go down to check the basement but it's just a little soggy on one end. There are some pictures that got wet so I hang them on a line and go back in, but I am a little concerned they will get washed away if the water comes again.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
In the Feng Shui path I know about, the basement of the house represents the subconsious mind. I'm not sure what it typically means in dream interpretation but have come to accept that, for myself, it usually represents the subconsious in dreams. The fact that the water never rose to the higher second level also suggests subconscious cleansing, below the level of conscious awareness. So, that being the case, I am not certain what is emerging emotionally yet.

I can tell that I am not quite ready to let go of something because of the pictures. Pictures, to me, are frozen moments from the past. I've never cared for them. This is something my family doesn't understand. It isn't that I don't love my nieces and nephews. It's just that a picture is a moment of them that is already gone. I don't like freezing them in a moment on my wall or my refridgerator. But I do put up a few.....it's easier than trying to explain why I'd rather not do that.

So, I go down into the basement (which is above-ground in the dream but still considered to be the basement by myself and the others in the dream....so, I'm just scratching the surface of something even deeper. Hum. OK.) to see what damage has been done. The soggy front side suggests that I have allowed some cleansing to begin but the rest of the space is barely wet, despite the huge floods of water. Hanging the pictures on the clothes line says to me that I am not yet ready to let go of some of those frozen moments from my past. And the fact that I worried about the pictures getting washed away further suggests that I did as much in this dream as I was able to do and doing more would have been too stressful or would have pressed against a resistance that I'm not willing to release yet. It's a beginning.

Dream Resources:
Directed Dreaming
Perfect Lucid Dreaming
DreamPlay Paraliminal

DREAMS ABOUT SATAN

Why I've been silent.....Sorry that I haven't posted any dreams lately. I've been traveling away from home and did not have time or good internet access to post. I've had tremendous dreamtime activity but, alas, as the day wears on the dream details recede so I have to start from my most recent last night.

DREAMS ABOUT SATAN:
I want to preface this dream by saying that a dream about Satan might be totally different for each person, based on what they believe about that entity and concept. For me, Satan represents a collective mindset that is based in fear and/or all the other emotions that spring from fear.....hatred, rage, bitterness, contempt, guilt, shame, etc.

In this dream, I am attending a Satanist worship service. I am there with a man who I am helping, in a healing capacity. He is a preacher in a fundamental church and has come, despite pure terror, so that he knows what happens at such gatherings. I can tell he is terrified and I whisper to him to pray.

One of my best friends and a fellow healer sits to the other side of me and I know she has come into this particular dream to assist.

After the service is over, a young woman comes up to me in tears and starts telling me that she had been in the back, watching all the participants, looking for consciousness. In an instant, I psychically got from her a picture of who she had looked at and what she felt coming back from them. She didn't say it but I saw it in her eyes.

Then she said, with great intensity, "I knew then. You are the Magistrones."
She was referring to my friend and myself and she was acknowledging that we were there to hold a vibration of light in that ceremony.

A man comes up, from the church, at that point and begins trying to stop the woman from talking. She will not stop but keeps going on and on. Finally, the man leads her away and I realize he is concerned that her conversation might reach others. I realize then that we need to leave or we might be in physical danger.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
My first question was whether or not this dream represented my own struggle between dark and light in some way. The answer was no. I then turned my attention back to the energy of the dream and the man I was helping. His beingness in the dream, and his face, were so three-dimensionally real that I came to the conclusion that this was a real service, going on somewhere on the planet last night. My friend and I were summoned to help this man face his fears around Satan.

Another clue was in the intense feeling near the end that we were in "physical" danger. That word even came into my mind in the dream itself. Not emotional, mental or spiritual danger but physical. I feel we were really there. This is not astral travel. It is bilocation. Being in two places at once.

In some way, it felt tied into New Orleans too. I know that the struggle between dark energies that want to loot, hurt, blame and fight and those who want to help, rebuild, heal and learn is strong there. I feel it in my core. The nation rises up to help but behind the need to help is also the fear. Voodoo. Santeria. Criminals. Sex Offenders.

I saw on the tv last night that there were thousands of sex offenders living in New Orleans at the time of Katrina. Those offenders, along with hundreds of thousands of people, are now homeless. Consider this scenario....you want to take in someone, into your home, as a way of helping. You have small children in the home. Then, you see that thousands of people with the real potential to harm your children are among those you wish to help.....Fear can rise in this situation and stop the impulse to reach out. I know the media has a certain responsibility to alert people of this concern and also to cover the looting that is going on. It is not healthy to be in the dark about the truth of a situation. But mass consciousness has to be play an active part in how they view those media messages. We must remain in a vibration of love and out of fear or we cannot help all those who so desperately need help now in the months to come.

Medicine Dreams such as these can be very helpful at etheric levels for shifting fear to love and allowing a healing to occur around the entire issue of "putting self at risk to help another".

I ponder the meaning of the word "Magistrones". I've never heard it and don't know if it's a real word or not. I will do some research on that.

RELATED ARTICLE: Essence Vs Absence
Courtesy of Christopher Westra

What you focus on grows. This is a law of the universe. This is meant to teach us to use our focus (thought) wisely. I believe that we will have many learning experiences to come - we are just "cosmic infants" in the big picture.

One critical distinction we are meant to learn in this "reality" is between an essence (light, heat, good, abundance) and an absence (darkness, cold, bad, poverty). Essences have a positive reality and a vibrational level. Absences don't exist as "things", they are only a lack of the essence.

If you focus on an essence, it will grow. If you focus on an absence (a lack of something), that lack or absence will also grow in your life.

Desire the essence,Christopher
P.S. - Dwelling on what you don't want is a way of focusing on an absence. In my I Create Reality book, I have an entire chapter on turning "don't wants" into wants.

Dreams about your first love

DREAMS ABOUT YOUR FIRST LOVE:
I am in the old house I spent my teenage years in, my Grandmother's house. I am on a bridge in the middle of the living room. It is a wooden bridge. I am walking across it. Behind me, my Mom watches and sends encouragement. To my right, sitting in a chair, is my first true love. This is the man I first had sex with, the one that I adored in junior high school and finally got to date after getting out of school. He's still one of the most handsome men I've ever known and one of the most emotionally damaged.

As I walk, I am reliving my past with him. I am surprised to find the memories pleasant, and not traumatic at all though he hurt me, over and over, by his unwillingness to commit. I turn to him and say "I didn't know how it would be, you know. Memories. Do you know what I mean?"

Just then, something catches my eye above the bridge. I believe my stepfather, Bo, who has passed on, pointed it out to me. He was there and I think it was him who pointed to something and shifted my attention upward. As I looked up at whatever it was (can't remember what it was), I became aware that my first love had come across the bridge to meet me and now stood in front of me. I slowly lean into him and we embrace. It is a precious, precious feeling. He moves slightly, so that our bodies are perfectly in line with each other. The chakras align and there is a peaceful, joyous feeling of communion. Deep, deep communion.

Then, I find myself sitting on his lap. I lean my head back and we kiss. It is a long, deep, and intensely sensual kiss. I see my sister walk up behind us just as we start to kiss but when she sees what is happening she quickly leaves. At the end of the dream, still kissing, I feel the beginning of a feeling like fear. It feels as if I will be overwhelmed by this.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
The house is the first clue. During the time I lived there, I entered puberty and all the confused feelings about love and boys and etc. At that same time was when I first became infatuated with this man, my first true love. I had only had one big crush before him, and it paled in comparison. This infatuation lasted through high school but only consumated romantically after that time. In all, I was "in love" with this man for at least 10-15 years of my life. Then, we went separate ways for many, many years.

So, I'm in the house where these feelings started. My Mom is there, as she has been in waking life, in support and without judgement. That's probably her biggest gift - truly unconditional love. She watches as I cross the bridge.

The bridge, of course, is highly significant. In my waking life, I am truly crossing a bridge of sorts too. I am on the brink of changing the way I have done everything in my life. Part of getting over that spiritual bridge definitely has to do with healing my feelings about relationships with me. At present, I am completely unwilling to have any type of relationship with a man. I believe that men cannot be faithful to one woman. I believe this to my core. That is precisely why the first man who hurt me as an adult, and probably set the stage for all the others, is in this dream. I think it is glorious that he meets me halfway on the bridge. The feeling of embracing him was also glorious. But something nags at me....it is the shift from attention upward, to whatever Bo had pointed out to me, back to the bridge and to the man. What did I miss? What was I focused on before....

The brief scene following the bridge speaks volumes to me about my own fears of getting involved with a man once more and, once more, getting hurt. Betrayed. Cheated on. Overwhelmed in spite of my better judgement. So, this is the issue that is up for me, in spades.

The good news is that at least I made it halfway across that bridge. And that part was made with ease.

Recommended Reading: Women Are From Venus, Men Are From Mars

Dreams about Squid

DREAMS ABOUT SQUID:
To my knowledge, this is the only time in my life I've ever dreamed of a squid. In reviewing my dreams, if I have asked for help in a specific area of my life the night before, I assume first of all that the dream is, in some way, addressing the issue about which I have asked for guidance. The night before this dream, I asked specifically for help with a decision I faced concerning a trip to Oregon. My concerns were that my health might not be up to the trip. Specifically, due to circulatory challenges I've been addressing (and about which I've written in this blog) I was concerned about air pressure during flight. Also, I was concerned that this trip might be filling an ego need but not a higher self need.

I wanted to go because they are auditioning for the film version of Neale Donald Walsh's classic Converstations with God. As an actor, I've craved being able to be involved in films of substance. Although I know an actor can illuminate any character with Light, and that laughter heals as much as the strong emotional release of drama, I have desired to be involved in a project with a clear spiritual message. However, I've learned that what I desire is not always in alignment with what God desires for me so I approach such decisions carefully.

DREAMS ABOUT SQUID:
The dream is exceedingly brief. I'm at the edge of a fantastical pool of water. It almost looks like it's an animated film,the colors are so deep and vivid. My mother is there. I suddenly point to her and say look. About that time a squid leaps from the water. It seems to be in it's own tunnel of water around it as it moves thru the air.

It begins to literally pummel me, very specifically with it's tip. It is hitting the same spot over and over, on the left side of my neck. It has a jack-hammer action and is hitting quite hard but not to the point of pain.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
OK, so first I assume this is showing me something about what I have asked for. The dream contains information about the trip to Oregon I am facing.

The first thing of significance is that my Mom is there and that I want her to see the squid. This says to me that the struggle I'm having over this trip is somehow tied into belief systems that I got from my Mom. On reflection, I know what belief systems are referred to here.

The second significant thing, and it is highly significant, is the area of the neck where the squid is focused. I've had a tremendous amount of body work done over the past three or four years. I've spared no expense. If I could afford it, I did it. This has included massage, chiropractic, cranio-sacral and other therapies. Over the years, I've noticed a definite pattern to the way my body holds tension. The left side draws up. Particularly the neck and hip. That side of my neck has been chronically shorter than the right for years and it is only recently, with a lot of physical work combined with a lot of spiritual work, begun to balance out. So, that area on my neck speaks to me loudly of resistance, of fear, of holding patterns that are unhealthy. And the squid was just pummeling that area. No where else. Just there. So, this tells me that part of my struggle with this decision stems from my own chronic patterns of reacting and storing tension by closing down or drawing up the left side. The female side. I've spoke of this more than once in this blog.

Also interesting to me is that, energetically speaking as a healer, just above the point where the squid was adjusting me is where I see the energy shift from male to female. The right side of the brain controls the left side of the body and vice versa. So the female side of the body is left but the female side of the brain is right. We are wonderfully made. I think God crossed our circuits at the neck so that no side could completely rule. Male and female energy balance is the goal. This whole dream speaks of resistance, fear, and male/female imbalance.

How does this translate? Oh, lord. I've been trying for three days to "make something happen". That is pure male energy. To do, to create, to take action. I've hardly utilized the female aspects of creation at all....being, breathing, meditating, releasing, listening.

SQUID AS A TOTEM:
In my spiritual path, I've become very aware of the wisdom of the non-human universe. I believe entirely in the power of totem animals. I feel I have certain totems that are mine for life and then other "Power Teachers" who come when I need them. I most definitely see this squid as a Power Teacher. When I read about the spiritual medicine of squid in Animal Wise by Ted Andrews, I find wisdom. I learn that a squid has the rare ability to "make out the shape of its focus very clearly even in low light conditions". Squid is associated with shapeshifting, the ablity to change your shape. Expressive body language is another of the gifts of squid medicine.

So what do I do with all this information? First, I consciously shift my intention from doing to being, from male to female. I then find some music I really like to move to and use my expressive body language to release restriction, resistance and fear in my body toward this decision facing me. The difference is palpable. For the first time in three days, I can let this go and surrender it to the Higher Will. Whatever happens after this, I'll be ok with that. I have set my intent clearly and now it's time to release it and move on.

Dreams about Snakes Coming Back from the Dead

All content on this blog, unless otherwise noted, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

I have been having a great deal of Medicine Dreams lately but I am integrating them so fast that I hesitate to go back and interpret them later. There is one dream I can post that I am still working on and might help someone else one day.

I've posted before that anytime a snake appears in my dream, or in my waking world for that matter, I know I am in for big change. And typically, at least in my own experience, the change is usually either frightening, painful or highly uncomfortable. Snake is transformative medicine. In the same way the snake sheds it's skin, a dream about snakes usually signifies the urgent need to let go of something that no longer serves but something that may be as comfortable as my skin. Usually, a snake with scrape itself against a tree, rock or other hard surfact to tear the old skin and remove it. I came face to face with my fear of pain recently when I tried to self-prick my finger for a home cholesterol test. You would have thought I was trying to get up courage to drive a nail thru my own hand. So, I know it's my own resistance to anything I think might cause me pain or fear of discomfort that is at issue when snake appears.

DREAMS ABOUT SNAKES:
The dream is incredibly short. I am looking at a bowl of soup that's just been served for me out of a boiling pot of soup. In the bowl is a small snake. Incredibly vivid and detailed. I believe it is a rattlesnake, a baby diamond-back. It appears to be sleeping and seems to be so peaceful to me. Almost as if smiling. I ponder how a snake got into the soup when I realize it is still alive.

I am not afraid of the snake in the dream but I am completely traumatized by the impossibility of the situation. When reality breaks down the middle (a baby snake cannot survive boiling in soup), the brain has problems. I was trying to understand something that could not be logically understood.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
What stands out is what I felt about the snake. I wasn't disturbed to find it in my soup. I was disturbed that it was alive when it couldn't possibly be alive. Also the smile on the snake's face and the peacefulness of it was so vivid. it was as if it was merely sleeping and not boiled alive. And then it awoke. It had something different about it's back end. It was not snake. it was white and pointed, and appeared to be hard, like plastic.....not sure what that means yet but I kind of get the feeling the snake was showing me that, even though my life for the past three years has been like being boiled alive in many ways, I've only been sleeping. And now, it's time to wake up what I thought was dead forever. My life.

I feel peaceful, like the snake, with this realization.

That the snake was in a bowl of soup being served to me is significant too. I've drastically changed my eating habits due to some circulatory challenges I've had recently. To me, soup represents eating light and healthy so the fact that the snake was peaceful in the soup and also alive, is wonderful. Maybe, at last, I've learned to make these transformative leaps without so much chaos and pain. That is a welcome change indeed.

Dreams about death, dreams about the heart

A few nights ago, I asked to be shown, in dreamtime, the state of my health with regard to my heart. I've had pain, pressure, actually every symptom associated with a heart attack but I also know full well that all those symptoms can precede a spiritual acceleration period having to do with the heart chakra. I am treating the situation as if there were a heart problem on a physical level - taking what I know to take for that situation - but I am also looking at spiritual levels of consciousness and transformation. So, I asked to be shown what the heart struggle was about, spiritually speaking.

I had two dreams. Of the first, I recall only a tiny but very significant snippet. I am standing in a space, in the dream, and waiting for an answer to the question I asked before going to sleep. Suddenly, an actor friend of mine appears. She points to my heart and says "They always come where your wounds are the greatest."

Second dream: I'm in a dark, long room. There are twin beds lined up down this long hall of a room. I am in one bed. Nearby, a good friend is also in one of the beds and, in another, is my mother. I am aware that I have been visited by my ex-mate. He is there somewhere, I think, maybe in the 8th or 9th bed down this hall/room.

I am weeping. I am weeping for loss of joy in my life and confusion over my spiritual direction. I look back to see where my mate is and see that he is not there. Just as I turn back around, I see him to my right. I say "you're here?" He asks "Are you surprised?" and puts out his hand. When I take his hand, and rise to walk with him, I am aware of two things:

1. He is not really there. He is a hologram. His life energy is not present, the way it would be if we were truly connecting in dreamtime. His hand feels dead in mine but I take it anyway.

2. My good friend sleeping in one of the beds is concerned. She does not want me to leave with him. She says nothing but I sense her trepidation.

As I take his arm, he says to me "I think you are going to kill yourself". We walk out of the room and around the corner to sit down at a cafeteria booth. I look over and see a woman setting a big tray down. It is half full of cooked carrots. She says "these have to go". Then, I glance over at the food trays and notice that they are all dried out - most the food gone from them and what is left is dried out and not edible. It's interesting that my ex disappears as soon as I sit down at the booth.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAMS SO FAR:
This posting is actually a week or so after the dreams above and the meaning has become crystal clear over time. In the past few days, the pain in my chest and other alarming symptoms including pain down the left arm, pain in the left jaw, swelling and pain in the left leg, nausea and constant fatique to the point of being excessively tired after walking just a few minutes (unable to take more than three stairs at a time without stopping to rest) and chronic, inexplicable indigestion have led me to seek health guidance. I spoke with a doctor first. After giving him all my symptoms and my family history, he strongly urged me to go directly to the emergency room by ambulance.

That's not the way I live my life. I went to a holistic counselor who is very experienced in kinsesiology (muscle testing) and had an indepth session with her that revealed 5 blockages in my circulatory system. The one near the hear was the most serious, registering an 80% blockage. The others were in the neck, left arm and left leg. I immediately started a very aggressive natural health regimen, stayed completely off the computer for several days and got almost complete rest for three days. At this point, I am limiting my time online to 15 minutes at a time.

I want to start with the last dream first. As with all Medicine Dreams, this one is filled with layers and layers of meaning. The food was incredibly significant. I associate carrotts with good vision, for example. The fact that these carrots were old and dried out and the woman at the cafeteria said in no uncertain terms "these have to go", tells me that my vision is old, dried out, and has to shift. It's time for new vision and a new path. I've known this for a long time too. In fact, I've known it (on some level) since a Sacred experience with an ancient Chanupa. I've feared it. Avoided it. But it is coming. A new way of being of service. And for that to happen, there must be a healing around issues of the heart. I've been holding to the spiritual vision of yesteryear, and it has been damaging me. In fact, all the dried out trays of food showed me, in a glaring way, that I have not been feeding my soul. I have been starving, spiritually and creatively and have had my heart closed off, both to receiving and giving.

The fact that my ex appeared as a dead form, with no life energy inside, told me I was holding on to a dead past with him. Still, even after years of being apart, some part of me had not let go. I am being shown, over and over, that I must let go. My very life is at stake. He said to me "I think you are going to kill yourself". Can't get much clearer than that. I don't have any plans for suicide on a conscious level of course, but subconsciously, I have been setting a course to leave this planet. On a spiritual note, and a more hopeful one, he may also have been telling me that a massive ego death was in order, to heal. I hope that's what I'm doing now......making the changes needed to avoid a physical death in the near future.

Not surprisingly, I also started my Moontime during this significant spiritual rejuvenation decision. For quite a few years, Moon Lodge was the centering core of my spiritual development so it seems quite appropriate that I be in a sort of Moon Lodge when these changes are being decided upon, changes that could mean life or death.

As I think back over the Medicine Dreams of the past few months, I see the message over and over and over again. I am dying. My life has to change and it has to change now.

DREAMS ABOUT THE HEART:
The first dream, brief as it was, is also tremendously significant on more than one level. As a healer, for many years I worked full time to help others heal themselves. The majority of damage, physically, was the result of spiritual imbalance. I'd say almost all. If one is not walking in alignment with their soul purpose, feeling their joy, following their bliss, then the physical body has no choice but to eventually manifest imbalance too. As a healer, I've known this for a long time. It's harder to see when it's you.

My friend, pointing toward my heart, says to me "They always come where your wounds are the greatest" was literally telling me that the signs of physical dis-ease and imbalance will grativate toward the area most closed off, most damaged, least spiritually in balance. For me, the fact that 4 of my 5 circulatory blockages were on the left side indicates a severe cut-off from the feminine energies that have been responsible for my most powerful spiritual transformations in the past.

An interesting aside......for the past few days, I've been seeing a truly huge bug that looks EXACTLY like a mosquito except about 200% bigger, and kind of a light orange color. It appears when I open the door to go outside, whether I go out the front door or the back. It is always directly in my line of eyesight. And, odd as it may seem, it is aware of me. It stops, turns, and I swear, looks at me. I can't help but be reminded of the dream I had some time back about a huge mosquito. That dream was about joy, to a great degree, and I am so aware that joy equals life. Absense of joy equals a kind of death. I must find more joy.

DREAMS ABOUT ABUSE

DREAMS ABOUT ABUSE:
Whenever one dreams about abuse, the meaning will be notably different if that person has actually been abused, as opposed to someone who hasn't been abused but is now dealing with an abusive situation. In my case, because sexual abuse was a reality in my childhood, dreams focused on abuse have a certain intensity they might not have if it were not such a damaging part of my formative years.

In this dream, I am observing a scene. A young boy is talking to his father for the first time in a long time. They were estranged because of the father's inability to comprehend the statements his son made when rescued from a child abuser at an early age.

The child had been kidnapped and held for a long period of time. During that time, he was repeatedly abused. When rescued he said "I am grateful for the teachings". This so disturbed his father that he simply couldn't talk to the child for years. In the dream, the child is finally able to explain what he meant by those cryptic words so long ago.

The abuser was a tremendously knowledgeable man. Perhaps a genius, mentally. He spent hours and hours teaching this young boy. In the dream, I flash on a scene where the boy is sitting at a table and there is an open book. It appears to be an astronomy book and I get the feeling it is not simple astronomy but perhaps cosmic astronomy, past anything taught in schoools or even colleges.

The young boy, not quite yet a man, explains to his father that, at the time, the teachings were the only good thing he had, and he was so focused on it that it was all he could say. He used that to block out the pain of the other.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
The first message that glares is from the last sentence. So, I ask myself what I've been using to "block out the other", because this dream is obviously telling me it's time for reconciliation of that. Reflecting on this question, as I sit here at the computer, typing this, it comes to me that I've used acting as well as spirituality to block the pain. One difficult truth I've learned is that blocking something takes tremendous personal energy which can never be freed for any other purpose as long as the need to block remains, as opposed to a letting in of the reality in full light so that understanding, integration and healing can occur and there is no longer a need to block. Then, that energy can be freed up for a more positive purpose.

If you can imagine a dike with a leak in it and the little boy with his thumb in the leak. Remember that story? I think it's a painting too, isn't it? A little boy with his thumb in the dike, holding back the flood. Well, as long as the hole is there, the thumb has to stay put. This severely limits the ability of the boy to go anywhere else but there and almost requires his focus to be on the leak, because it's about all he can see. To me, this an apt analogy for what happens when we block pain or memories or experience. In childhood, it's absolutely necessary to block some things, to survive. But at some point, the dam must break. The flood must come. The thumb must rest.

I want to impress on my readers that I have done a HUGE amount of work on the abuse already. Massive amounts of time and energy and focus, to help heal that little girl inside. In spite of all that work, this dream is clearly telling me that I am still holding that thumb in the dike. It's a hard thing to realize.

And obviously, it's significant that the struggle is between the boy and his father. The dream is telling me, first of all, that I need to heal my thoughts and beliefs around men in general but, also, that I need to heal my estrangement from the heavenly father, the male essence of creation. My personal knowing is that Universal Lifeforce Energy expresses here on earth in both feminine and masculine represenations. I've definitely leaned toward the feminine but it's time for balance. The "father" has been estranged because I was lying to myself. "I am grateful for the teachings" was not what had to be said. Now, I am coming to God with the truth.....I want to stop blocking my pain with teachings. I want to heal.

Of course, as with most Medicine Dreams, there are so many other layers to this dream. I've touched a significant message but others can be uncovered thru study of the significance of other factors. This is a start.

Why I haven't been posting......

I know I haven't posted anything in a while. It's because I refuse to have a blog full of nothing and my dreamtime sort of stalled for a bit.

Then, I had a very strong Medicine Dream last night, having to do with abuse and estrangement from father. I've noticed a pattern when a big dream is coming. Often, I won't remember dreams for a few days prior. This one is big but it's also complex and since I have a trip out of town this morning, I don't have time to work on that dream at the present. I will post it as soon as I've had time to sit down with it and interpret it a bit for myself.

I think it's such a vital issue. I don't know many people who had a good role model in their father, sadly enough. I know the dream addresses my own abuse as well as the resulting mistrust of men in general that I've been challenged to overcome since childhood.

So, look for the dream sometime this week.

Dreams about Impeccability

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The past few nights, I've had dreams that would have been easy to dismiss as ego-clean up, or personality level, dreams rather than higher-vibration Medicine Dreams. They seemed to deal with petty issues but as I inserted intuitive sensing into them I began to see they were much more.

DREAMS ABOUT STEALING:
In the first dream I was in an apartment. I was with a man. We were apparently there to rob the place, though we never actually took anything that I recall. For some reason, I had a basket of dirty clothes in my hand when the daughter of the man who owned the apartment walked in. I, and the man I was with, began to spin lies about why we were there. I told the daughter it was a new housekeeping policy the condo owners had agreed on, and it included free housekeeping. She actually bought the lie. I couldn't help thinking, in the dream itself, how stupid she was.

Then, just as we had convinced the daughter, two Mexican men walked in. I felt one was the brother of the daughter, even though they were different nationalities (the daughter was caucasian) and didn't know who the other man was but I was getting extremely nervous that the owner of the apartment would come in as well before we left.

Then, the man with me (he took the form of a man I had known years ago, which is significant) pulled out a cd of songs he had written and popped it into the cd player for the two men to hear. It was as if he thought they could help him get them published.

At that point, I'm just about panicking because I feel we need to get out. I can't believe he is doing this. END OF DREAM

DREAMS ABOUT DECEPTION:
I'm in an apartment again, this time looking for a man known to me in waking life. Our relationship has been completely platonic but he is married and has expressed to me before that his wife simply would not understand. So, he has lied to her or, at the very least, committed the sin of omission when we have traveled together. He is involved in the entertainment industry as well. In this dream, I am looking for his apartment but also aware that his wife should not find out. I am uncertain which room he is in. The number 21 keeps coming up but I am uncertain. Then, I find what I believe is his apartment and there are blankets over the door. It is being remodeled. END OF DREAM SNIPPET

MY TAKE ON THE DREAMS SO FAR:
These are dreams about impeccability. I have lived my life, all my life, under my own microscope. I am fiercely and even brutally honest with myself. I believe in impeccable behavior, which is often confused with perfected behavior. For me, to be impeccable means to be responsible. Responsible for my actions, my thoughts, my behavior, my choices. Being impeccable means being accountable, on the highest spiritual levels, for every moment of my living. Whenever my actions stem from any place tainted with deception, I am forced to account for that in my own soul.

In the first dream, I am there to steal. We think of stealing as taking other people's things, property, etc. In this dream, I am literally being shown that acting without impeccability is actually stealing people's time, a far worse offense.

Both these dreams, in different places and peopled with different representations of myself, are about accountability for past action. The man who appeared in the first dream represented all the past decisions in my life based on less than 100% sincerity and surrender to the highest good. He is not in my life right now but at the time he was a part of my life, there was a mutual friend "in the business" that he put me in touch with. It was obvious that this man was a "player". At that time, I was someone to play with, if you know what I mean. I wasn't 30 pounds overweight then, and 50 years old. I was quite attractive. Although I never did anything inapproriate with this man, I allowed myself to be put in that category by his treatment of me. I call this allowing of thought form energies around and about me, projected by men with lower vibrational goals, mental prostitution.

In the performing arts business, it is desperately hard to walk with true impeccability. There are so very many opportunities for deceiving yourself or others. When you go in for an audition, you must convince the casting directors, producers, writers, and directors that you are the right person for that role. It has been a pattern of mine, and I'm sure for many other actors, to ignore the disrespect inherent in the casting office. I have tried with all my might to impress the people who can give me the job. I have smiled when I did not mean it. I have complemented people I don't respect. I have said it's fine that I had to wait 2 hours, or that the director answers his cell phone while I'm giving my audition, or that the casting director has a large dog in the room, that barks while I'm trying to get thru my lines, or that they want to change the part I'm reading for just before I walk in the room to read. All those disrespectful things have happened in auditions. I have bent my own rules of impeccable behavior, for the sake of getting the job. I'm reminded of my last audition. It was for Hamburger Helper. This is a product I would never eat and one that I think is dangerous for children to eat, because of the monosodium glutamate contained in it. What a paradox for my soul to have to sell this product. For money. And further, it became apparent at the reading that they were looking for someone younger. Why bring me in at all? It did cast younger. I made two trips for nothing. Well, not for nothing. This dream sprang from that.

When this man from my past tried to play the cd for the two Mexicans, it was so similar in energy to me trying to impress the other man "in the business" when really, all he was interested in was a physical encounter. Once that was ruled out, I could not get him to return my calls.

Why Mexican? That has to do with how I grew up. Forgive me if it sounds racist. It is not a statement about Mexican people in general. It is a statement about the only Mexicans I ever met, growing up. They were poor. Even more poor than my family had ever been, and we were poor. So playing the tape for them in the dream was representative of the totally futile attempts I have made over the years to various people in power, in the entertainment industry. I was appealing to the least likely people to be able to help.

MY TAKE ON THE SECOND DREAM:
This one was similar in energy. I differentiated between "stealing" and "deception" but really, stealing is a form of deception too. I saw, under my microscope, that I had traveled with this married man in spite of the fact that I knew he was not telling his wife we were together. The fact that nothing happened is not the point. The fact that nothing would ever happen is not the point. I was not impeccable. I was party to a deception. It was very reasonably justified by him, of course. She wouldn't understand. Nothing is going on so why upset her over nothing?. That was his justification but I could not justify. I went because it was a way to go somewhere I wanted to go. Wrong reason.

I have been a dark night of the soul for quite some time now. These dreams are intensifying in their messages. I can no longer compromise myself spiritually, on any level. It is deadly to my soul. The fact that the apartment was being remodeled when I finally found it is further proof. The ability to deceive on any level is not something I'm going to be able to keep doing. That way of thinking is being remodeled.

Even the number "21" is significant. I associate that with gambling. I know what is at risk.

Dreams About College Dorms

DREAMS ABOUT DORMS:
In this dream, I'm in a college dorm. I've just been assigned my room and have gone to look at it. It is a lovely room on the first floor. I know that rooms on the first floor in this dorm are coveted and I'm glad I have one. Then, for no reason that I recall, I decide to go upstairs and look at some of the rooms on the 2nd and 3rd floors. What I find there upsets me because all those rooms are in bad disarray. There are a few students there who are obiously busy trying to fix things up but the rooms are just terrible. Pieces of plywood lean against walls. The floors are ugly, and in bad shape as are the walls. As I go from one room down a hall, I notice an old bed and metal bed frame sort of strewn on the floor.

I am very sad for these students, that they have to live like this while I have that lovely room downstairs on the first floor.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
Literally speaking, a dorm room is a temporary dwelling - a place to be while you learn something. I sense this meaning holds for the dream as well. It was a temporary structure within which I was to learn something, literally.

It's interesting that things got worse the higher I went. I equate this to an often simplistic view of spiritual advancement. I, and of course many others, once felt there would come a time when I would just be in bliss. I would have transcended all the struggles of the ego and earthly life and would know only joy. It hasn't unfolded that way for me. As I progress to higher levels of spiritual awareness, it has become harder and harder to then just go back and "chop wood and carry water" as before.

The night after I had this dream, I also decided that I would not be making the trip to Arizona for Sundance. This was not an easy decision to make. There was anquish and tears. My conflict is between what I believe was clear spiritual guidance to go and my eventual unwillingness to put myself through what going would involve. I've been to three Sundances in my life. During and after each one, I felt as if I would die. Physically. I've never been a physically active person and I've never done well in the sun. Those two elements of fact plus the tremendous, tremendous energy that is present, flowing and penetrating at such ceremonies proved devastating to me before, on a physical level. Three times before.

Were there blessings from the pain? Oh heavens, yes. I wouldn't take anything for the experiences I had at the Sundance Tree or the awareness that came from those experiences. On the other hand, I am 50 years old and not nearly so willing to push my body beyond it's capabilities.

So, while I am not sure what the total meaning of the dream is, and probably won't know that until it unfolds in my consciousness completely, I believe Spirit was telling me that I have a lovely first floor room in the "dorm" right now and that trying to go higher in consciousness would result in a desolate environment for my soul. I believe the other students represented parts of myself that projected forward, to show me the result of going. I asked what the students represented on evaluating the dream and I got that they represented potential "me's".

I have severe lessons that I am dealing with right now and going to a ceremony like Sundance could inflame those issues beyond my ability to deal with them. I am learning with age that sometimes the slower, more gentle path is the best path.

My prayers will be those at Sundance and my energetic support will reach them there in Arizona, from my lovely dorm room here.

Dreams about tornados; Dreams about Hurricanes

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I had two dreams night before last. The first, and this is how it so often happens, highlighted the issues and the second resolved them. Unfortunately, I can't now recall the second dream though I recalled it vividly on waking and understood it as the resolution of the second dream. I mention this because I have noticed this pattern over the years. I will have a chaotic, disruptive dream followed by a strong, smooth Medicine Dream resolve.

Dreams about Tornados, Dreams about Hurricanes:

It's interesting and significant that I had both an impending tornado and an impending hurricane in this dream. It opens with me in my grandmother's house. I am with my grandmother and my mom (3 generations represented) plus my grandmother's sister. The sister was a puzzle until I meditated on her in general and got a specific memory which tied into the issues represented in the dream.

I am trying very hard to lead my grandmother, my mom and my grandmother's sister to the basement, where I think they will be safer when the tornado and hurricane come. It is notable that, even though the dream begins in my grandmother's home, it shifts to my current home and basement when I take control of the situation.

There is a moment when I must decide to leave my purse in the bedroom. I want to go in and get it because it has cash money in it but I fear someone will get hurt if I take the time so I leave it.

That's the extent of the dream. We never reach the basement but are on our way there when the dream ends.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
In general, both tornados and hurricanes signal chaos, disruption, the stirring up of something and fear. Hurricanes, additionally, signal emotional overwhelm in some area. An excess of emotion surrounding an issue or struggle. In this dream, they seem specifically to be stirring up generational thought patterns and beliefs, as evidenced by not only my mother's presence but her mother's presence. This points to feminine energy in the bloodline.

When I thought about the aunt who appeared, I had a memory. One time, I spent the night with this aunt. As children do, I fidgeted in the bed. We were sleeping in the same bed. At some point, she commanded that I be still or I'd be forced to leave the bed. Well, it was impossible. The harder I tried to be still, the more I wanted to move. It was a very uncomfortable night. This memory speaks very directly to me of self-limitation and feeling out of control.

The fact that the house changes to my house and my basement is significant. One of the more common dreamtime representations of basements is the subconsious mind. That I wanted to take them to my subconsious is significant. Also important is the fact that, in the dream itself, my feeling was that the basement would be a safe place for them. Beyond just representing the subconsious, my basement also represented the part of me that knew how to safely communicate with these important role models in my life.

In reflecting on the current issues, challenges and ego struggles in my life, it comes to me that the hurricane/tornado is precipitated by two decisions. I decided to attend a Sundance ceremony in Arizona. Along with that decision is the certain knowledge that I will be worked on, by Spirit, severely. It never fails. Walking into a Sacred Ceremony is asking for it. God will reveal where you stand and where you need to be standing. I'm afraid of that.

The second decision I made was to travel to Oregon to visit a friend and to be available for auditions for a spiritual film that is casting there, based on the best seller by Neale Donald Walsh titled Conversations with God. Different ego struggles emerge with that decision.

When I think about the purse in the bedroom, that one seems easy. My grandmother was poor all her life. So has been my mother. Poverty consciousness has been a true struggle for me as well, most of my adult life. In making the decisions I've made to travel (neither trip will be inexpensive), I have brought forward some lingering fears about poverty. I think it's a good sign that I did leave the purse in the bedroom, opting for the more important assignment which was getting my mom and my grandma and my aunt to the safe place, my subsconsious mind.
I wish I could remember the second dream. It was rather magical and so very strong. But no matter. I clearly remember recognzing that it was a continuation and the resolution of the work started in this dream.

DREAMS ABOUT AGING, DREAMS ABOUT TRUST

The past few nights, I've had very short dreams, mostly of the "ego clean-up" category. In other words, not what I'd classify as "Medicine Dreams" which are dreams resulting in spiritual enlightenment and/or acceleration. A medicine dream will shift reality. Ego clean ups are often needed before a Medicine Dream can occur, and typically address one or two current or recurrent issues.. Each one to the point and brief. When I have encapsulated dreams, that seem to begin and end with a single event or scene, I typically find that they deal with one easily identifiable issue or message. Recent ego clean-up dream:

DREAMS ABOUT AGING, DREAMS ABOUT TRUST:
The dream begins with me in the embrace of a male healer. Hie is sitting behind me on the healing table, with his arms and legs wrapped around me. It is completely nonsexual.

He is a man I know in real life, who is brain surgeon. That's a healer in the medical profession, and one dealing with the intricate workings of gray matter, so it's interesting that I chose him to represent the issue. But there's more of a reason. This same man is sort of a laid back, hippy type who plays jazz on his off time. In that way, he reminds me very much of the man with whom I spent 7 years of my life in spiritual marriage. (I've written of this relationship often on the blog because recovery from the loss of it has been an extreme focus for a couple of years.)

I always look carefully at the people who populate my dream. If they are known to me in real life, they are either there literally (as was the case with my step-father Bo in this dream or they are representative of something. If they are there to represent, then I always ask myself what I think of them in waking life and I trust the impressions that come. Then, I look more broadly (for example, the man in this dream is a brain surgeon - while that wasn't an impression loaded with any "what I think of him" connotations, it is signicant to the message of the dream) and ask who the person is, what they do and what those factors might have to do with the overall message of the dream since it is clear to me that it has to do with my current state of thinking.

So, I'm in the middle of a healing session with this man when the dream begins. It is an extremely brief dream, which typically indicates "ego self" level healing. He has his arms around me and is rocking back and forth. His right knee connects with my hip in a certain way that seems energetically significant in the dream. The positioning and the rhythym both serve to accentuate the emergence of tears. I begin to weep from a deep emotional place. I feel him react to the tears in a negative way. He begins to tell me that it is not appropriate that I am so needy. I am confused by this in the dream, thinking that I am not needy but feeling safe to express deep feelings. I feel very misunderstood.

At that crucial moment, and before I can express what I have thought to the man, his wife walks in. I feel immediately as if she will think we are doing something wrong, just as the man misunderstood my tears.

This woman, in real life, is not married to the man but I also know her in my waking life. She is married to another man. Now, I could easily have chosen the man's real wife,, since she is known to me as well but the woman who appears as his wife in this dream directed me in a play. She walks in, sits down, looks at me and says simply "You've aged". It is devastating to me in the dream. It is as if she has valued me only in terms of my age. And now I'm too old.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
Being misunderstood and feeling old. This one was pretty simple for me. In waking life, I work as a professional actress, in addition my services as a wellness counselor and spiritual healer. Recenty, I lost a commercial role because I was not young enough to match with the man and boy who were cast, to make up a family. I'm in that in-between place. I don't look like a grandma but I'm a little old for most commercial mom parts. In addition, the woman who appears in this dream as the wife also sort of rejected me indirectly, when casting another play, by choosing someone with more experience. So.......the dream is quite simply telling me I've aged and to get on with it.

The first part, with the man, is a bit more complicated. After thinking of the setting, the way we were entwined and the sequence of events, what comes to me is that it was representative of my past, in that I trusted my partner, allowed him access to all of me, and then I felt betrayed when that trust was broken. The tapping on my hip by the man's knee was a sort of gentle urging not to close down my sexual energy. I definitely have done that and it was a good reminder that, whether or not a person is in a sexual relationship, they are still sexual beings and that kundalini lifeforce energy should not be suppressed.


DREAMS ABOUT NOT KNOWING YOUR LINES IN A PLAY:
In this dream, which occurred the next night, I am in a scene read thru with the male lead in the play and one other woman. I find myself, mid-scene, and with no idea what the scene is or what my character's lines are in the scene. The man is totally unconcerned and seems to want me just to totally ad-lib while he follows the script. It is terribly disorienting because I have no idea what the scene is about or even what my character might possibly be saying or thinking. I feel I am being disrespected because neither he or the other woman who is there will let me take the time to actually read the script and find out where we are, in the script.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:
Again, this is a fairly simple issue and tied into the events of the other dream. I didn't lose the commercial because I can't act. I lost it because I was too old. In a sense, it was disrespectful even to call me in on it, much less have me drive all the way back to Nashville a second time for the call-back. I didn't know where we were in the script, in a manner of speaking, but I had a feeling about it even in the audition because of the script lines they called out to me, and had me read back to the camera. They seemed to be more geared toward a mom with young children, a role I'm too old to really play. Recently, I've really been talking with the universe about acting and I've come to the conclusion that I'm no longer willing to trek about to this audition and that one, unless it is a part that I KNOW I'm right for. So, I've asked that the universe only send those types of projects my way.

Dreams about Snakes and Fresh-Plowed Fields

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

More medicine dreams

Back from vacation and what a glorious time we had at the beach. Gulf Shores before the 4th of July, lovely. Any time between July 4 and September 1, a traffic nightmare. The ocean always rejuvenates me even while She tends to make me sleepy.

OK, I had mentioned the dream I had before leaving for vacation so that's what I'll be sharing today. I've dreamed of snakes before. In fact, a recurring dream of my youth was of being in a pit full of snakes. This dream, in hindsight, had both literal and spiritual meaning. My childhood was not a peaceful one but also, Snake is a Totem bespeaking transformation and great change. My life, particularly in childhood, was transformationally abusing and I spent the rest of my childhood and quite a few of my adult years thus far, healing that trauma.

DREAMS ABOUT SNAKES:
Any time I dream about snakes or see a snake at a significant time, I always know big change is coming or required. I know that something drastic is about to shift in my reality. It has always been this way for me. What snakes mean to you, you will learn over time if you do not already know. However, while individual meanings of dreams about snakes may vary, the Snake Totem is about transformation in general. As the snake sheds its skin, the snake totem comes when we need to shed a part of our life that no longer serves or something we've outgrown. In my case, snake often comes to illuminate my fears as well and help me work thru them.

THE DREAM:
I'm walking down the road with my mother and my step-father, Bo, who died in 2004. Sometimes, when people who have passed appear in my dreams they represent my feelings about that person or some wisdom of that person that I need to see, or they can represent a conflict unresolved with that person. In this case, though, my step-father was literally there. His essence was there from the other side. How do I know this? Hard to explain. It's a feeling, both in the dream and on waking, that the energetic essence of the person was truly there, and not just a representation or symbolic image of the person. It was wonderful to see Bo again. He suffered in his passing and it was glorious to see him happy, smiling, at peace. He was enjoying his walk with my mom but it soon became clear he was there to assist me.

I noticed that there was a deep drop off to the right. (This road we are on in my dream is the road I grew up on. It is the road where my grandmother and grandfather lived and where I experienced a lot of abuse and other effects of living with an alcoholic parent, as well as suffering the effects of living in poverty. It is the road I used to walk down, to get in the stream and catch tadpoles. It is the road I used to ride up, listening to the tractors in the fields as a small child and mimicking the sound, over and over....doo-wacky, doo-wacky, doo-wacky.) In other words, this wasn't just any road. This was a very significant road for me to be walking down in the dream.

As I noticed the drop off, we all decided to go left (Bo leading) and cut thru a freshly plowed field. Bo and Mom went up at a different place in the field than did I. I was separated from the but could see Bo looking back at me every once in a while, smiling, as he and mom continued to walk and chat peacefully. There was awareness in his glances at me that went beyond casual. He knew what was going to happen and was checking to see how I was doing, along the way.

This was not just any field either. There used to be a house there and I lived there with my parents and sisters at one time. So I was walking thru where I once lived.

Suddenly, Bo looked back and yelled that he saw a rattlesnake. He was yelling and telling me where the snake was in the field and which way it was going. All the while, he smiled. In the dream itself, I thought he was doing spiritual work. He continued to talk and walk with mom but kept checking on me.

At that point, I saw the snake. It was monstrously huge. No rattlesnake was ever that big, anywhere. The snake was up above me in the field but put up it's huge head, as if looking for something. I knew it was looking for me, sniffing me out energetically. I saw that the neck of the snake was wounded fatally. There was a gaping bite with exposed flesh and bloody meat. I knew, when I woke, that this was another warning for me about my own neck. In a previous dream, KISSING MARCIA CLARK, the same side of the neck was highlighted. However, the warning is getting more severe because in this one, the wound was deadly.

I didn't mention before but I actually have some scar tissue on the same side of my neck, on the inside, as is being highlighted in my dreams. It is from a very severe infection I had a few years ago. I know it is tied into rage, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Those are the feelings I harbored when I got sick, the ones that weakened my immune system and allowed infection to take hold and keep me sick for a solid month. I've mentioned the antidote before.....I'll mention it again because I believe it saved my life. And gave me another chance to look at my communication issues, my throat chakra imbalances. But apparently, I'm not doing that well enough because this second warning was downright scary to me, physically speaking. I have been building up my own immune system for quite some time now and know that it is in danger still so the significance of this dream is not lost on me.

WHEN A DREAMTIME MESSAGE POINTS TO PHYSICAL HEALTH ISSUES: So, how do I know the wound on the snake's neck was representative of a physical problem with my neck rather than strictly being symbolic of repressed and/or improper communication? First of all, I have an actual physical concern about that area of my body already so that's a clue. Second, I knew it on waking and I trust those instincts. They come just as I am emerging from sleep and if they are there before conscious thought can interfere, I trust them.

Continuing the dream......I see this monstrosity of a snake turn it's head and look at me. It heads toward me. I try to run and hide in a building that suddenly appears in the freshly plowed field. The only thing I notice about this building is that it has several coke machines. I am hiding when I see the snake on a bicycle. It is headed straight for me and I am terrified. I know it is going to bite me in just a few seconds. I see it ride up to me, with a hood over it's head so i can't see it and it is sniffing me out. I wake before the bite.

MY TAKE ON THE SNAKE DREAM SO FAR: This dream has a lot of levels and I'm sure I'll only be scratching the surface of what it holds for me but here are a few areas of awareness around the dream.

1. Because the dream takes place in an area rich in history for me, I assume it is about more than present concerns. It is reaching back to other times in my life.

2. Because of the increase in physical injury to the neck in this dream, when compared to the Marcia Clark dream, I realize that my health is in jeopardy if I do not make the changes that Snake is suggesting.

3. Because my stepfather came from the other side to help, I know this a very significant dream that I should wrestle with, as Jacob with the Angel, until I glean the truth of it for my life.

DREAMS ABOUT FRESH-PLOWED FIELDS: If you consulted a dream message guide, you might find that walking thru fresh plowed fields would be symbolic of new beginnings or something along that line. In this dream, however, that is not the sense I get. All aspects of the dream landscape and contents must be taken into account to determine the meaning of any one specific within the dream. In this case, because it is a field that literally represents years of my own childhood, I wasn't sure "new beginnings" would be the meaning so I asked within.
The term "plowed under" came when I tried to describe the field. Plowed under. That's different that a new beginning. It is more turbulent, more agressive than a new beginning. I could literally visualize the little house that used to sit on that very field being plowed under. But what does it mean in this context?

As I walk thru that significant field, the huge snake appears. The presence of Bo, further up in the field with my mother, becomes highly significant at this point because he is interacting with me about the snake. Somehow, I am certain the snake carries a warning about my physical health. So Bo is there to direct me. And I notice he isn't disturbed. He is calm and smiling as he calls back to me, telling me where the snake is. At first, I logically deduced that Bo was trying to help me avoid the snake. Looking back at the reality, I'm not sure about that. I think he may have been trying to prepare me for it, but I don't know that he ever suggested how to avoid it. So, I think the fresh-plowed field represented the need for a total destruction of past behaviors and patterns from that time in my life, to save my health.

So, the snake finds me. I'm terrified, trying not to move at all so that maybe it won't know I'm alive. Wow, that's a powerful statement I didn't realize I was making....

trying not to move at all so that maybe it won't know I'm alive

That sentence could well describe my childhood years. Years of fear, supppression and abuse. I well remember trying to be so quiet that Daddy would not think about me when he was drunk. Trying to will myself into invisibility. Trying not to move at all......Wow. This brings tears. The significance of the fact that we, the snake and I, end up almost exactly at the location in the field where the house of my childhood actually stood, and across the street from another house where I also lived, does not escape me. It was as if I were standing in one part of the past,
across from another part and having yet two other parts on either side.

On one side of this field is my grandmother's house. On the other side, is a house I lived in as a baby.

Knowing the depth of healing and transformation that snake usually brings, the sheer size of this one coupled with the location, signals a tremendously important dream healing taking place, or at least the strong potential for deep transformational healing.

BIZARRE SYMBOLOGY IN DREAMS: Why was the snake on a bicycle? Why was it wearing a hood? Sometimes, I think bizarre elements such as these are added to make the dream so vivid that we are sure not to forget it. Other times, the bizarre elements themselves carry even more information. That's the case this time. When I remembered these two elements, I knew they reminded me of something. When I asked what that was, the image I got was from the movie "E.T." where Henry Thomas is riding the bicycle with E.T. on the back, with that hood over his head (or maybe the hood was during another part of the movie.....can't remember where it came in but it was amalgamated in the dream). He was taking E.T. home, finally, where he would be safe. I know this is the message of the snake. Terrifying as it was, it was trying to take me home to myself.

The fact that the dream ended before the snake bit me is also signficant. I think dreams stop when we reach out threshold of tolerance for change. A snake bite in a dream is one of the most powerful consciousness shifting events I know about. I've got enough to chew on now, but if I don't start listening, the snake might bite me next time.

Dreams about Mosquitos

All content on this blog, unless otherwise indicated, is the copywritten material of Neva J Howell. Linking permitted but DO NOT post or reprint without permission.

DREAMS ABOUT INSECTS, IN GENERAL:
As I've stated before, elsewhere in the blog, I don't rely on dream interpretation guides to tell me what a symbol represents in my dreams. I do refer to them for suggestions and ideas and most good ones have "general" information that can often apply to a subject or symbol or situation in your dreams but I don't just pick up a definition in a guide, however good, and assume it fits my dream. I believe dream interpretation is extremely individual in nature and no one source can definitively decide what a symbol means for every person or every dream.

Having said that, I will say that dreaming of insects, in general, usually points to irritation of some kind. Something or someone rubbing you the wrong way, or a mild alarm meant to wake you up so that a stronger alarm is not needed in the future.

DETERMINING SIGNIFICANCE IN DREAMS: There are certain indications in dreams that let me know when something is significant. Size is one, as you will read in the dream below. If something is of an abnormal size in a dream, either much larger than it would be in real life or much smaller, this is a signal to me that the size means something in particular. Another indicator is color. If something is a strange color, like an orange being black, then that means something specific in the context of what the orange means in the dream. I mention these two indicators, in particular, because they apply to the dream I'll be sharing. There are many other indicators - a word or phrase that is particularly remembered, anything from your past or predominant in your life (for example, as an actor, I pay particular attention to dreams set on a stage or film set -- different attention than I would if I were not a performer in real life) etc.

EGO DREAMS VS. MEDICINE DREAMING: I also need to reiterate what I've said before on the difference between ego-level dreams and Medicine Dreaming. An ego-level dream will concern itself with ego, or personaltiy, level issues. Often, these types of dreams occur when the personality self is immersed in some struggle or issue or change. Ego dreams help us work out the events of the day, or week, or month and are often a first step of clearing so that a Medicine Dream can break thru. In the level of Medicine Dreaming, we don't just hash out ego struggles and difficulties, we shift our vibration around those issues in a way that creates spiritual awareness, healing and advancement on a spiritual level.

A person could have ego dreams the rest of their lives and never heal anything on a spiritual level. I consider them necessary bandaids before spiritual surgery.

Now, the dream.....

DREAMS ABOUT MOSQUITOS:
This dream is incredibly short but full of levels, timelines and information. In the dream, I drawn to look toward the window, where I see a HUGE mosquito. I mean, it is the size of a full-grown cat, which becomes significant later. I go closer and notice that this huge flying thing is cream-colored. Not at all the color of a real mosquito and even though it has wings and huge legs resembling mosquito legs, the face is strange. For one thing, it has a huge mouth and that mouth is opening wide and closing as if hungry for something to eat.

The mosquito starts trying to get in thru the slated glass window panes. I had panes like that in a tiny trailer where I once lived, during one of the most painful times in my life. This was a hint at a Medicine Dream that was trying to happen because, unlike the rest of the dream, that image was very "charged" in my consiousness, even in the dream but more on waking when I realized what the panes (pains) represented.

I cross over to the window in shock, to get a closer look at this monstrosity and realize that it is trying to get in. Simutaneously, I realize the inside glass, which is solid, is not glass at all but plexiglass. The mosquito is succeeding in getting the hard plastic window to move and I put my hand on it to keep him out (interesting, I sensed him as male). Just then, one of the huge legs slips thru and becomes a cat's paw, and grabs my hand.

That is the full extent of the dream.

It was followed by another dream involving my mother, sister and myself. The details of that dream are hazy but I remember it involved cleaning at my mom's house. (Something involving my past and present, since it's the same house Mom lives in now).

MY TAKE ON THIS DREAM SO FAR: I always like to think "so far" because I've found that dreamtime teachings can sometimes take weeks or months or even years to unfold in my life. So far, I realize this.......The mosquito in my dream, as improbable as it seems, was a representation of the new kitten I got about a week ago. There were two things about the dream that brought the kitten to mind. No, three things.

1. The first was the odd color of the mosquito. I noticed it in the dream but didn't connect it to the kitten til I woke.

2, The second thing I noticed, and in the dream itself, was the huge mouth opening and closing. It wasn't fear of being bitten but that the mosquito had an unquenchable hunger I couldn't meet. (It's kind of the same with the kitten - I couldn't be there enough to satisfy her the first few days. Of course I understand why. She missed her mother).

3. The third thing that reminded me of the cat, even in the dream itself, was the way the huge mosquito leg turned into a cat's paw.

In a way, this dream played out the actual progression of events that happened since I got the kitten. It was an ego dream to run that process thru the akashic records and clean it up,
get me ready for the next step (It was a large step. The next night, I had a tremendous Medicine Dream - a nightmare. I'll be posting that when I return from vacation in about a week).

Having a just-weaned kitten in the house is a lot like I would imagine having a new baby would be. I'm 50 years old and have never had children. For the past 4 years, I've lived alone with my grown cat. It is QUITE an adjustment. Since one of the spiritual medicines of cat is actually domesticity and homelife balance, I know this kitten came to teach me a great deal. I have always been content with my own company but since I left my spiritual marriage of seven years, I've been alone more than is healthy. Before, I had a very active healing practice in addition to our frequent get-togethers and retreats at our home so I went from a life with lots of people around to almost no one but my cat.

It may sound strange but even during the ten months I spent in Los Angeles, where there is certainly no shortage of people, I was alone more than was healthy. By choice. I was fragile in every way and raw, too emotionally vulnerable to bear the energy of others for long.

So, I said all that to say that the kitten is tremendously challenging for me because she demands almost constant attention. As I am typing she is in the little cube on my desk where the paper goes, playing. Every little bit, she sticks her head out and tries to engage me. She has been determinedly trying to engage me in playing, ever since she got here. I have just as determinedly resisted.

WHAT THINGS REPRESENT IN DREAMS: Whenever something is represented in an entirely different form, like the kitten being represented by the giant mosquito, I always ask myself what do I feel about the thing chosen to represent the other thing? In other words, to glean more meaning about the kitten's message, I ask myself what I feel about mosquitos. If I had to use one word, it would "irritation". And, if I had to use one word to define how the kitten has made me feel, it would be "irritation". So coming into my dreamtime as a huge mosquito is perfect because like the mosquito, the kitten may be small but the irritation I've felt has been huge at times.

I have at least a good basic understanding of this dream except for the plexiglass. So, as I sit here, I ask myself what does that mean to me. "Easily scratched, easily broken" comes, just now, to my consciousness and oh yes, I see. On a purely physical level, the kitten has claws like little razor blades. Not meaning to do so, she has hurt me more than once. I get so angry at her sometimes but I know she doesn't realize she's hurting me. I have to teach her to be more gentle.

Hum, maybe some medicine got thru on this ego dream at the end because I'm seeing that "easily scratched, easily broken" could also apply to me. I'm near tears as I type this, realizing how strong the medicine of this brave little kitten is for me. She is so tiny and I could really hurt her. My anger must be huge to her. I have an immediate, knee jerk reaction to pain and it's
anger. She is teaching me to stay that impulse. My hat is off to "Little Girl". She's quite a wonder.

WORKING WITH TOTEMS: I greatly respect non-human teachers. Even though it is generally believed that a person only has one or two Totems that work with them all their life, I have found that different totems come in as I need the wisdom they teach. Cat has never been stronger in my life than now. Not only is the kitten teaching me a great deal but my older cat is perfectly mirroring my own resistance to the constant call for playing. Yesterday, for the first time since the kitten arrived, Pooter (older cat) did not hiss and slap the kitten away but actually played with her. I think these two are brilliantly mirroring for me that a balance of work and play is desperately needed in my life. Aho.

I'm going on vacation June 3 (perfect timing to integrate the play/work balance thing, eh?) and I'm not going alone. I'll be with my mom, my brother, his wife and two little boys who have never seen the ocean. If those two boys can't get me to play, nobody can. I'll write about the other dream when I get back. Let's just say a huge snake was involved....

Guest Article - Gates of Dreaming

I came across this article on a site for Shamanic Dreaming. I have long moved toward that process and found comfort in a part of the site that seemed to suggest that when we reach those first levels of shamanic dreaming, we usually don't remember because it is so powerful that the conscious mind can't wrap itself around the energy. If you want to know more about shamanic dreaming, which I do not recommend unless you are spiritually guided to do it, please visit the site. The article I've chosen to share is not so much about what happens when you practice shamanic dreaming but more about just working toward the deeper levels of dreamwork that are possible for the spiritual being. It reminded me of a practice I used in the past, that of waking myself up so that I would remember my dreams. Though I wouldn't do it long term, it can be very helpful during times when recall is elusive. In fact, I'm going thru a period like that now so I may jumpstart my dream recall just that way.

I quite agree with the author of this site that succeeding in shamanic dreaming, or any other area of shamanic work, can make you doubt your sanity. It is not for the curious or the casual participant. I have an article on my site that may be of interest: What is a Shaman? Neva

p.s. another thing I read on this site that really resonated with my own knowing is that nightmares are the result of getting to the edge of that expanded consciousness and power that is available and being unable to move past the fear. I've always felt that nightmares were the most powerful of dreams and taught the most. It makes sense to me that one reason that would be true would be that a person brings back a little of that deeper power, even though they retreat from it.

Gates of Dreaming

courtesy of The Shaman's Cave

The usual steps involved in dreaming practices shamanically are pretty straight forward. First, to be able to remember your dreams, second to 'wake up' inside your dreams and third, to take control of your dreams in a real way. A notebook by the bed is a very good idea, it allows you to record your dreams when you wake up during the night, or upon first waking in the morning. Focusing your intent, or what you are intending to do, is also important, without that things can become too chaotic in dreaming and of no value to you when awake. Typing out the dreams is a good way to reinforce the memory of the dream.

There are other methods that can be used to remember your dreams or make them more vivid in detail for you in waking. One of the best is simply to set your alarm clock for an hour or so earlier than you have to wake up. You might get a second alarm clock and leave it set for when you actually have to get up and then when the first one goes off just turn it off without having to worry about resetting it. Being jogged toward consciousness like this tends to bring us closer in memory to our dreams. You will tend to remember more, especially in the period between the two alarms.

Some people use this method every two or three hours during sleeping, resetting the clock each time for another two hours. I think that can be a little extreme and cause some sleep deprivation so I don't recommend it as a general rule. If you happen to be one of those people that this type of schedule doesn't bother then by all means use it. There is some experimentation involved here to determine what type of schedule works best for you. What you are doing here in all of this at first is to simply draw back the curtain on your dreaming. All people dream in one way or another, you're just trying to get a clear picture of your dreams and draw closer to that side of yourself.

That pretty much covers the simple aspects of the first part of dreaming practices. The second aspect, of waking up in your dreams is a logical next step I think. In order to accomplish that you must have a much more narrowly defined intent going into dreaming and it can take a long time to manage it fully. Simply being aware you are dreaming, or becoming lucid, isn't enough. Ultimately you are trying to move beyond even the complex imagery of your dreaming mind and into the energy of dreaming itself. During this process your dreams will tend to become less chaotic and more 'complete' in a sense. You will become aware at some point that you are awake in the dream, realizing that you're dreaming etc., at that point you begin to acquire better focus and understanding of why you want to do any of this in the first place.

Dreaming energy is not bound by the normal rules of our waking world. I'm sure you've noticed that over time. Almost anything can happen in a dream. In the dreaming state, we are not bound by time, distance, or even physicality. Your dreaming people could be from anywhere, the past, the future, another time altogether. They could be ancestral memories, or other dreaming energies who happen to get caught in your dreaming. Without knowing the context when a specific one appears it is hard to say. But in general it indicates you are a daring dreamer, willing to reach past the mundane in dreaming, not afraid to see new things or people. This is a good thing.

Some people have success by remember to 'notice' some object in their dreams to trigger lucidity. If this works for you then by all means use it. Some people will use a keyword, like say, 'pickle' or any word will do. They fall asleep with the intent of saying that word and becoming aware in their dream. If the object works for you then use it, form the intent of seeing it in your dreams. When you do, focus on the object, then shift your focus to elements in your dream and begin practicing holding onto them, not letting them shift into other things.

Dream Resource - Online Class on Dreams and Astral Travel:
The lessons provided here take you on a journey through the land of dreams from the purpose of dreams to the understanding of lucid dreaming, which is a form of dreaming that allows you to participate to change events and outcomes of the dream itself. Dreams are natural problem solvers. They act as an inner guidance system, providing us with information and insights about our relationships, attitudes, unseen facts and problems. They can even act as warnings about the consequences of our behaviour or the behaviour of others in our lives. In this class you will learn ways to put your dreams to work for you. Once we have taken the journey into what dreams are, and how to put them to use for us in our daily lives, we will continue the study into the depths of the subconscious with a complete section of this course dedicated to the art of Astral Projection. There are tips, suggestions, and exercises CLICK TO ENROLL

Pride and Prejudice and Winning at all Costs

Well, my cat woke me once again last night, at the end of a dream this time. Maybe he is always waking me at the end, rather than in the middle of the dream which is how it has felt before. I wrote about this in the last post. For about a week or so, my cat has been meowing and waking me and then I couldn't recall my dreams.

I did hang on to enough of the first one to realize it was significant to the events of the day before in a Medicine Way.

To preface this story, I'll share that one of the biggest challenges I've faced in this lifetime has been transforming poverty consciousness. I was financially poor most of my life, up until about 2002. At that point, thru a period of drastic acceptance of poverty -- embracing it instead of fighting it and hating it and trying to get rid of it, I shifted out of it.

I've been financially comfortable for the past three years......yet, the events of yesterday evening and the dreams of last night taught me that there is another step being required of me. I embraced and accepted poverty, so that I could at last get to know it -- understand why it had held such a hold on me my entire life. That is how I finally released it. By calling it close and getting to know it.

Now, I'm being asked to accept loss. In a way that is harder than the other task.

I haven't actually lost anything yet, mind you. It's more complicated than that, and paradoxically more simple. To maintain the prosperity consciousness I've achieved since 2002, I have to release it, the same way I released poverty.

Yesterday, I was faced with a decision. It was a split-second decision, to help someone or not help someone. For me, it was very hard to decide. I was in my home, typing as I so often am, in my office. I thought I heard a knock at the door but it was meek so I decided I imagined it. Then, a little later, I heard it again.

I was in my jammies so when I went toward the door and realized it was a man, I knew I needed to put on some clothes. When I finally got to the door, and opened it, I saw a slender man, wearing a cap, with no teeth in front. His old 1967 truck was stopped in front of my house. It was thoroughly decrepid. Looked like the paint had been poured over it, or maybe even spray painted. One headlight was fixed in it's socket barely and had aluminum foil around it.

He said he had come to do some work for a guy. I asked if we could call someone and he said he didn't know anyone around here. Then he said something odd which I totally didn't pick up on because I was so focused on my fear. This fear had arisen from a feeling of being very vulnerable. I was standing there, alone, with a man I didn't know at my house door.

What he said was something like he liked what they did with the house. I live in a very old house. How would he know that it had been remodeled? Or was he just saying that he liked it, period?

He said he had run out of gas and could he buy a dollar's worth. He was asking if he could cyphon gas from my new riding lawn mower. When he looked over at it, there was ..... well, he wanted it. I could see that. It was palpable. More fear.

My options at that point were to let him ciphon the gas or drive him to the store to get some or go get some, leaving him at my house. I said he could get the gas out of the mower. He reached in his pocket and pulled out a folded up, dirty-looking dollar bill and started to hand it to me. I waved it away and said for him not to worry about paying me. He got the gas out quicker than I would have imagined it could be done and put it in the truck.The truck still wouldn't start after adding the gas, and by this time, I'm getting more afraid than ever that he will be stuck there. My mind is racing ahead to what will I do then? None of my neighbors were home. No one was around at all.

I pull my car down to try to jump the battery off and it won't start still. He asked me to rev the car up, which I do. After about 5 minutes, I see smoke coming off my car. It's never done that before so the first thought was loss again, I was afraid I had messed up my car trying to help this man that I was afraid of.....I was a jangle of fear.

I asked him where he was from and he said Manchester, Tennessee. It didn't dawn on me then but he was coming from the wrong direction to have come from Manchester. Also, that's about an hour drive. Long way to come for a job. Add to this it was now about 6:30 pm on a Saturday....he said he was leveling a trailor but that's a strange time to do it. Then, I looked on the dash of the truck and saw a Georgia tag, lying on the dash. There was a sign on the back windshield....1967, title, runs. He was apparently trying to sell the truck.

At that moment, the most bizarre element of all occurred. A truck pulled into my driveway and the man said "I know that guy". How could he? And what are the odds that someone he knew would drive by at that particular moment. Maybe I've watched too much CSI but it was getting to feel like a set up, if a weird one.

However, the other guy (after a quick look at my house which took in the lawn mower) helped him push his truck out into the road and they kept pushing it backwards til it finally started. I saw them head on in the direction he had been going when the car quit.

That night, I feared they would come back. I feared all sorts of loss, from financial to personal. The dream that followed was about those fears but it was also about something much more spiritually significant.

Dreams about winning at all costs - Both dreams I remember were about some sort of contest but they were radically different in their results, even though I won in both. This first dream is very sketchy. I know there was one pencil, for recording something - maybe an answer to questions, or equations....I don't remember the first part of the dream other than I know there was myself and another man competing, and a third man mediating. Mediating is a strange word to use in this situation but it is the word that came, not judging. Normally, I would say a contest would be judged so the fact that my dreamtime gave me the word "mediator" for the third person was significant. To me, a mediator comes between two parties who are conflicting and works to restore harmony and some kind of agreement. I believe the mediator to be either one of my soul group or one of the man's soul group. I tend to lean toward the latter.

In the dream, it is down to the last round of the competition and I can see that the other man knows the answer to the question. However, I am physically stronger than he is so I take the pencil away from him and keep it away from him until the time is up for answering. He loses because I am physically stronger. He is devastated by the loss and begins to sob. It appears he needs expensive medication and the money he would have won, would have paid for it. He did win $20,000 but apparently, I won far more money.

The mediator seems sad that the other man is so torn apart by losing. I lean toward him with a grin that was prideful and condescending and whispered that I was going to give the man who lost some of my money. That's when Pooter, my cat, woke me.

Spiritual Soul Searching - It would be hard to describe how personally upset I was by this dream. I instantly recognized that the other man was the man with the truck. The man I feared immediately, both because of his poverty (submerged beliefs were coming up about people being desperate if they are poor enough - they might do things to get money that others wouldn't think of) and because of my own sudden sense of vulnerability about loss, in general. I was afraid of losing my brand new lawn mower, my car, my life really. Everything was way out of proportion with reality at that moment.

Every instinct I had was telling me that even though this man was terribly poor, and had probably been that way all his life, he was also gentle. He may have wanted the lawn mower, and I did see a thought of having it cross his mind, but that didn't mean this man was capable of hurting me to get it or that he would hurt me to take anything else that was in my house. He may have been the type that would take advantage of a situation, had I not been home, but there was nothing at all about him to suggest a violent man.

The point I am needing to make here is that my spiritual sensing was that he was a good man. My sense that was, in spite of life dealing blow after blow to him, something in him was absent of resentment, absent of misplaced anger. He had the look of a bewildered child. Not sure what to do to make things go better, but not blaming anyone for the fact that they never did. It was almost as if God was whispering to me that this was fate. I was supposed to meet him. And it was a test. From the dream, I assume I failed that test. Instead of summoning compassion, I became engulfed in fear. That fear drug me around by the mind, and did not allow me empathy for this person.

When the second man inexplicably appeared, fear became almost terror though neither man ever hurt me or did anything to suggest they would. The second man was not gentle. He had a quality about him that can only be called "Red Neck Jock". To me, those two personalitiy traits (and yes, stereotypes) tend to be a bad combination.

Like any derogatory term that attempts to label a person and diminish them, I don't like using "redneck" or "jock" but in the interest being brutally honest, that is the term I would have used for my split-second first impression. It revealed my own, deep-seated prejudice. That is another reason the dream disturbed me.

There are good qualities to those termed as rednecks. Rednecks tell it like it is; you always know where they stand. They will do anything for a neighbor. I'm a redneck myself, in those ways.

There are good qualities to athletes.....they represent the male energy to "make happen" and by balancing that on the field, they transmit that energy to those who watch. However, there is something volatile about the combination of a redneck personality and a jock personality. This may also be prejudice. Do I believe, somewhere in my soul, that athlete's are less able to control their emotions and urges than non-jocks? It would appear so.

It is painful to put this in writing. I don't enjoy realizing these areas of prejudice in my life. I wasn't aware of how those initial thoughts about people were effecting how I viewed people through our later contact with each other. The "first impression" thoughts I had about the first man (that he was good) were swamped and overwhelmed by fear thoughts. The "first impression" thoughts I had of the second man, I never got beyond, because of the fear. I didn't really get to know either one of the men. If it had not been for my own intense fears, I guess I would not have seen those prejudices as being damaging. The thoughts about these two men would have come and gone and I doubt I'd be having the soul-searching I'm doing now if I had not also been struggling with letting go of prosperity. Letting go of things. Letting go of fear of loss.

And another thing that troubles me greatly, thought it seemed such a small thing, was the way I handled the money issue. I waved it away, as if to say "who needs a dollar?". How disrespectful can I be? I am so sorry to have done that. Here, this man is taking what was probably one of only a few dollars in his pocket and offering it to me. For all I know, it could have been the widow again, putting into the treasury plate all that she possessed. It may have been Christ incarnate, asking me if I would receive this gift. I rejected it. I am crying as I write this. He wanted to pay me. I should have let him or, at the very least, thanked him for doing so. I am sorry.

Was I ever in danger? Probably not. Was there something off about his story. Sure. Of course. If I had been a CSI investigator, he would have had to answer a lot of discrepancies, including why he was coming the wrong way on the highway to be coming from Manchester and why he had a Georgia plate on his truck if he lived in Tennessee. But I'm not Grissom. And none of those discrepancies add up to someone who would hurt me. I have to wonder what would have transpired if, in that instant when I opened my door and fell into fear, I had fell into the vibration of compassion and love? And what about the medication he needed in the dream? Was that metaphorical? Was he a drug addict? Or was it real? I'll probably never know. It just now occurs to me that "medication" could mean medicine, as in medicine dreaming. Perhaps the medicine he needed was spiritual and that part of the dream is something for him to determine, not me.

Dreams about winning fairly - After Pooter woke me, I spent quite a while in prayer and deep soul-searching. Then, I had the second dream. Another contest. All I can really remember is that there was a great deal of focus on numbers, and equations. Pencils were involved again but there seemed to be no shortage. I won this second contest fairly, and woke feeling very good about winning the way I did. Unlike the first dream, all the people in this dream seemed to be aspects of me. It was the balancing for the first dream. Thank God it balanced. I'd have to go out looking for that guy today, to apologize. Hopefully, we worked it out in the dreamtime.

Sleepis-Interruptis

It isn't that I haven't been dreaming lately. I've been dreaming a great deal. I'd say I've had a minimum of two dreams a night for the past week or so and most nights, more than that. The problem isn't that I'm not dreaming. The problem is that my cat is waking me up in mid-dream and then I can't remember the dream when I try to go back to it.

I keep telling myself he is training me, the cat. He's teaching me how to remember my dreams even if I am awakened before I complete all of them.

However, my first impulse is to get mad at him for waking me up and by the time I calm down enough to try to retrieve the dream, it has drifted away and all I can remember is that it was significant. arrrrgggggghhhh!

I ponder whether this pattern of waking me has to do with my recent decision to go to Sundance in Arizona. If you are unfamiliar with Sundance, it is a Native-American ceremony of prayer, visioning and great power. I have attended three Sundances and one Sun-Moon dance (just as powerful but very different). The last one I attended, I had such a profound connection with the Sundance Tree that I felt the ceremony was complete for me. I did not feel called to attend another until now.

I was sent a weblink and when I clicked over to the site, I began to weep even before reading much of what was there. I had a strong, strong connection with the man who the site was talking about. His name was Michael. He died in 2004. This man I had never met touched my heart as I read about his passing, in the shadow of the Sundance Tree during Sundance. If you want to read what I read, it is here

The reason I think my dreamtime training might have to do with going to that Sundance, the Sundance that would have been Michael's fourth, and will be mine, is that dreamtime gets intensified at Sundance but so do distractions such as noise, energy, and just plain exhaustion. Maybe Pooter (my Medicine Cat) is trying to get me ready for that time, so that I can hold on to the Medicine Dream messages that will most surely come.

In any case, I don't have any dreams to report on right now so I'll leave you with a brief article on the subject of attitude. It seems applicable to me as well, since my attitude on getting awakened needs to change so that I can remember my dream, instead of just getting mad at Pooter.

Snippet of Wisdom: I got this good advice from Vic Johnson, over at mp3 Motivators, a great site full of inspirational resources. I hope you enjoy it.

Several years ago a long-time friend of mine shared with me the following quote on Attitude that has been attributed to Pastor and Author Chuck Swindoll:

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past ... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you -- we are in charge of our Attitude."

No one I have ever met...and no teacher, speaker or author that I know of...personifies that quote better than my friend Jeff Keller. If your attitude could use a tune-up, I know you'll want to check this out.... Vic Johnson

Working as a Healer in Dreams

As I have mentioned before, the dreamwork I do is a little different than that of the average person because I am a spiritual healer with shamanic journeying capability. Contrary to dream interpretation guides that insist every person in a dream represents an aspect of the self, I often have dreams that are not about me at all. Nor are they dreams in a true sense, but some sort of dreamtime connection grid where healing takes place in real time, with real people.

The past few dreams I've remembered, save one, have been like that. How do I know the people do not respresent aspects of myself? There are several criteria.

In a dream where the other person in the dreamtime is an aspect of myself, I will almost always feel emotionally connected to that person, in conflict with that person or in some way personally involved with them.

Usually, those dreams will also leave me feeling emotional on waking, such as the dream about kissing Marcia Clark did. In that dream, and on waking, I felt stirred. That was the purpose of the dream, of course. To stir something to the surface so that healing could occur around some issue.

In other dreams, a certain person will be there not representing a part of myself but as a reflection of something for me, as in the dream with Jim Carrey a while back. In that dream, I did not wake feeling that Jim Carrey represented an aspect of me but that felt, instead, that he was reflecting something to me about myself and my relationships with men.

How healing dreams differ:
When I have a dream where I am being called in as a healer to work with someone, I will often find myself with the person and working as a healer without ever knowing how I got there, noticing much about the surroundings, or knowing how I leave afterwards. In other words, these dreams often begin and end with the healing work itself.

Another aspect of this type of dream is a bit harder to explain.

There is a total lack of emotional "charge" around the situation usually, though I may be aware of a sort of higher level version of compassion. For example, a few nights ago I found myself next to a young man with black hair, in a hospital room. Someone had brought me there but I never saw them. I heard them telling me about this young man, asking me to help him but the other person was never seen by me in the dream. They were behind me somewhere.

All that I could see was the young man in front of me and the part of the hospital bed about down to his mid-chest area. He had a tube in his throat and could not speak. He also had all sorts of lines and monitors all over his head. He had been in a terrible accident and I knew he was dying. He was lying almost on his stomach but still on his side, facing me.

The person who has brought me there - it was a male presence but that's all I know (probaby either a relative of this young man or one of his past life selves or one of his oversoul group) didn't want him to die.

His name was Christopher but I called him Chris. I was communicating with Chris, psychically, trying to determine if he wanted to live or go on. He spoke to me telepathically and said "I am lost". I understood that to mean not that he was saying his soul was damned but that he was too far away to come back into the body. There seemed to be some regret about that but he just couldn't do it.

From that moment forward, whoever had been standing behind me and pleading for Chris to live fell silent and then faded in presence.

At just the instant that I had that realization about his words and what Chris was communicating, Chris's body levitated upwards just high enough for my body to slide under him -- well, it was more like I floated and not consciously, it just happened. Then, Chris's body came back down, with his head resting on my chest and I understood he was going to pass. I was to comfort him. I was rocking back and forth when I became aware that this was too much movement and it was not good for him so I slowed the rock to a barely perceptible sway. In very little time, I felt Chris go.

In the dream itself, I was very aware of being there as a healer. This was not a dream about me or an aspect of me. Someone named Chris died that night and for whatever reason, I was there to be with him at the time of his crossing.

Another dream, a few days before, found me literally in the middle of a healing session. I became aware that my right hand was placed over the heart chakra of a middle-aged, larger sized woman with brown hair. After I worked with her, I also worked with another middle-aged woman that I can't visualize. That was the complete extent of the dream. No before, no after. And no feeling of emotional residue on waking, as if there were anything for me to work out. I was simply doing my job.

Teaching Your Children the Value of Dreamwork

Some time ago, I became aware that my niece was having Medicine Dreams. She would tell me her dreams and I would just be amazed at the symbology and also the extraterrestrial connections, the good versus evil lessions, etc.

As often as I can remember, I always ask her if she has had any interesting dreams lately. I don't tell her what they might mean or mention spiritual work at all. She is far too yhoung to be impressed on b my views of her dreams and she might be suggestible to believing what I tell her about the spiritual aspect of dreaming. One day, when she is older, I will talk to her that way but for now, I just ask her if she's had any interesting dreams and then ask for as much detail on the dreams as I can.

In this way, I'm training her to remember more of her dreams. Her recall is amazing already but I can tell it's getting even stronger.

I would encourage any parent to take an interest in the dreamtime of their child. Ask about their dreams, and tell them some of yours.

You will be fostering a life-long tool that they can use for clarification, healing and spiritual enhancement for the rest of their lives.

Before you make that decision though, I issue a strong warning. Unless you are willing to consider your child's dreamtime SACRED, don't get involved.

The purpose of asking about dreamtime is not be analyze your child's dreams. That's dangerous territory. You may see symbology in a dream that says your child is working through some kind of anger or issue with you, for example. If you pressure the child about that, you destroy the very Safe and Sacred Space that dreamtime is designed to provide. If it is not safe for the child to discuss the dreams, it can cause more harm than good and end up with the child shutting down their dream memories.

We are not interested in a psychological profile but in developing a SPIRITUAL gift within the child that God can then use to communicate and assist with their path for the rest of their lives.

You are there to foster more memory recall and attention to detail. Not to psycho-analyze your child.

Now, that having been said, of course if there are patterns of nightmares that have a recurring theme that would suggest psychological problems or issues then get the child to a qualified professional. Again, not your job. If it's about you or the child's homelife, the last person they want to tell is you. It arises in the dreamtime precisely because it doesn't feel safe enough to address it while awake. Respect that.

Some resources for spiritual parents:
Conscious Parenting
Psychic Children Messages

Dreams about Celebrities, Jim Carrey in my Dream

DREAMS ABOUT CELEBRITIES, The Meaning of
having four dreams in the same night, dreams
about escaping, history and sexual need.

Last night was a very fruitful dreamtime. I had four dreams,
two containing coded material.

What I mean by "coded" is that knowledge in the dream
was given indirectly, by way of symbols or code. I can't
remember the codes, which always irritates me but it's
great that I'm getting back to the ability to receive them.

Just as in ceremony or visioning, Spirit will often code
material so that the essence of it will reach your consciousness
at times when the full impact of it might be too much. It is
left to unfold in your life as you can accept the new knowledge.

The fact that I had four dreams also has spiritual significance
though I can remember mostly only the second dream.

Four represents the four directions and the four elements
and is a structure for creating ceremony. In numerology,
according to Vicki Noble, author of the Motherpeace Tarot,
four represents several things including the bringing of order
with limintation. But Vicki also says four "creates a separation,
between inner and outer, a space where something special
can occur". This is the meaning of four, most times, when
it is predominent in my life or my dreams.

The first dream is a blur except for the clear awareness
on waking that a code had been given.

The second dream was simply wonderful, though it ended
with a facing of a familiar issue for me.

The third dream is gone completely at the moment but
I'm certain I had it and there was either additional coding
in that one or the fourth dream.

The fourth dream is also sketchy but I do remember
some of it.

DREAMS ABOUT CELEBRITIES:
The second dream, the only one I recall fairly well at this
point was magjcal and fun. Jim Carrey was in it. I'm a fan
of his over the top style but whenever I dream about celebrities,
I don't just consider my opinion of them as actors. I consider
what I think of them as people.

Of course, I have never met Jim Carrey. My only inside view
into his psyche is the same as yours - live interviews. I'm thinking
of the one on Oprah this year. There was a moment when Jim
got down on one knee, asking the female audience to basically
affirm him as attractive. Right after he did it, he made a statement
that really seemed off the cuff and coming from inside him. I forget
the exact words but it was something to the effect that he had
embarassed himself.

The point I'm getting to is that my gut feeling about Jim Carrey
is the same as the fellow student from my junior high school
days that I talked about in the Yellow Pants dream. Forgive
me, Jim, if you ever read this because it is projection and
opinion but my feeling is that you are sexually needy.

This ties into my other dreams and because of the way
the Jim Carrey dream ends, I think it is a continuation
of the healing around a sexual issue for me. This is
an issue I've had with male relationships all my life....

This fear that sex was the most important element of
a relationship to a man and if it was ever withheld, the
relationship would end. Of course, with that fear dynamic,
I tended to draw men who needed affirmation thru their
sexuality....vicious cycle.

OK, back to the dream. I am aware that I am in
the world of Lemony Snickets. I've not seen that movie
yet. I want to but I just didn't catch it at the movies
so now, I'll have to watch it on video.

I'm standing to the side of a very gothic looking
and large structure, a house or a castle. Everything
is in tones of vivid white, grey and black. There's a glow
in colors, which for me usually signifies a astral or strong
"other realm" involvement. I may have been projecting myself
into Jim Carrey's dreamtime or the dreamtime of the boy who
was also there, though he felt more like my male self.

The little boy was standing near me and saw me. About
that time, Jim Carrey appeared, holding to something that
could have been a kite, and flying. He was clearly elated
to be doing this. He was in full costume as his character
on Lemony Snickets.

The little boy, who I"m fairly sure was not the little boy
in the actual film from clips I've seen because this child
had a fuller face and was larger, was excited too and
started following Jim around the corner where he had
flown. As he left, he looked back at me and uttered
one word with emphasis. It was something like
"huffalump" but it wasn't that word. I remember even
in the dream thinking, that sounds like huffalump but
it isn't. I need to remember it. Alas, all I remember
is that it started with an h.

About that time, the little boys' feet lifted off the ground
about two feet and he was levitating around the corner.

I was so thrilled that all this was happening.
When I went to follow them, I was suddenly on my
stomach, sort of flowing across the ground.
It didn't hurt or feel strange, just unexpected.

My body reminded me of those cartoon characters
that hit a wall and then slide down the steps like
their bodies suddenly had no bones. It always
seemed to represent the ultimate in "letting go"
to me. Absolutely no tension in the body.

So I slid around the corner to see Jim up in
the air and coming toward me.

At this point, I came close to lucid dreaming because in
the dream, while dreaming and watching Jim come nearer,
I wondered is this real? Or a movie. Am I in a movie?

Jim had some kind of large ball, like a beachball maybe,
and he rolled it up under my chin at that very moment
and said something to me, answering my question. I
was startled and realized, yes, it is real. It is happening.

There was a phrase both Jim and the boy used, which
was something like "huffalump" but wasn't. I've heard
that term on a commercial for an animated film, Disney
I think. That wasn't what they both said to me but it
was something similar and it signified whatever magic
was allowing them to fly. I wish I could remember
the word.

So, the entire dream up to this point has been so
magical and stirring. Wonderful. But then, as
Jim floats by me, having confirmed that the dream
is real, I turn to him and tell him I love him. I say
it as a sexual invitation. And the reason I say it
is that I don't want him to leave. I don't want to lose
him or the magical experience I've been part of with
him.

At this point in the dream, actually the last thing
I remember, Jim turns back to me and makes a
statement that I can't recall (drat) but I clearly
recall realization setting in that sexual invitation
was not necessary. I didn't have to do that to keep
him and the magic going.

This is the same issue I was dealing with when
confronted with the woman who threatened my
spiritual partnership years ago. Somehow, I still
feel that my greatest value as a woman, to a man,
is sexual. I still feel that if I don't offer myself up in
that way, even when the feeling I have is not sexual
(which it was not in the dream) the relationship will end.

DREAMS ABOUT ESCAPE:
The fourth and final dream seems, on the surface
to be unrelated but if I could remember the third dream,
it would probably all tie in together. This is something
I have to discipline myself to do again. To write
down at least a few words about each dream, if I wake
after them. I did wake after the third dream and the
fourth dream, but I didn't write anything down. The
pull of sleep was too strong.

In this dream, I am watching history. There is a man
who we are tracking down information on. No one knows
if he lived or died, after being attacked by Indians. He
was apparently a settler, or maybe a military man, but
it was during the days of horrible conflict between the military
and Native Americans.

I saw, as if looking down on it, a strange representation of
what had happened. I didn't see people but I saw, I guess,
the psychic residue of people. I saw them running and
then swurving into a clump of tall grass, maybe. Didn't see
grass or trees either. In fact, it looked like I was seeing it
all thru the eyes of an animal, everything looked odd but I
knew what it was.

The man had this bowl of stones, or jewels, or coded
clay tablets...the odd thing was that the bowl was totally
third dimensional and plain, and plastic. Like a margarine
bowl. They didn't have plastic butter bowls then but dreamtime
isn't about that sort of accuracy.

I saw the bowl being pushed into the opening of the grass,
or trees, or whatever it was they were going to hide away in.
I knew precisely how much time they had to hide, before
their attackers would be on them. The question was whether
or not this one man survived.

Then, the scene changed and we had moved foward many
years. We were in the same spot, except now we were
inside the space where the man and his friends had hidden
many years before.

I walked up on a site where scientists had found evidence
that the man did escape. He did live but he never left.
Apparently, he lived there in that strange grass til he died.

Oh, God. Oh Lord. Just this moment, as I'm typing this,
I know who the man imay be and what this dream may mean.
I don't want to know. It's too personal to share. Sorry.

I'll get back to you on the Jim Carrey dream later, probably,
as it unfolds for me but this one is too painful and too personal.

In the dream with Jim, elements that need further attention
include the fact that they were flying and I was sliding along
the ground, and the meaning of the beachball under the chin.

Also intriquing, in the fourth dream, the vivid butter bowl.
What was in it? Why was it so important that those contents
be saved? When something in a dream stands out in third-
dimensional clarity where nothing else does, it is always
being pointed out for a reason. I just don't know the
reason yet.

Guest Article - Habitual Sleeplessness Causes

Weekly Healthy Advice With Dr. Stan Headley and Vaxa

What Does Insomnia Indicate About Your Health?

You have probably heard that as we get older, sleeping soundly and getting into healthy REM (rapid eye movement) sleep can be a problem. Clinical studies reveal poor sleep can be an age-related phenomena, however, we also know there are multiple related factors, which contribute to this often frustrating experience that has direct health implications. Poor sleep or lack of high quality sleep on a daily basis can affect your moods, energy levels, attitude and, as evidence based research indicates, suppress your immune system making you more susceptible to various infections whether bacterial, viral or fungal. The remainder of the article will spell out exactly what I am talking about.

Insomnia Affects One Out Of Every Ten Americans
Insomnia or habitual sleeplessness can cause mild personality changes as well as a decrease in a person’s overall productivity and performance. It can even have adverse effects on personal relationships. More importantly, 50 % of chronic insomnia is often a symptom of psychological disorders such as depression, anxiety and stress. Other medical conditions that cause chronic insomnia are arthritis, asthma, hypoglycemia, hyperthyroidism, kidney disease, heart disease, etc. Other possible reasons for insomnia could be caffeine intake, nutritional deficiencies (calcium, magnesium, iron, and copper), antidepressants, antiseizure medication, thyroid hormone replacement drugs, and many other pharmaceutical drugs as well as over-the-counter medications.

The list of reasons or medical conditions that can contribute to insomnia can go on and on. There are two major considerations if insomnia becomes a chronic situation. One question to ask yourself is what medications are you taking? You can talk to your doctor or neighborhood pharmacist about what medications could be keeping you up at night and if there are any alternative medications that may not have the same affect on you. If medications are not the cause of your insomnia then the second consideration would be what is the underlying condition?

Schedule an appointment with your doctor and be prepared to tell him or her of any other symptoms developing such as depression, anxiety, new aches and pains, or anything out of the ordinary that you have noticed. Again, it is very important to tell your doctor all of your symptoms in order for him or her to discover the underlying condition. Don’t let insomnia change who you are, what you are capable of or worse, don’t ignore this symptom until the true medical condition rears its ugly head. Be proactive and listen to what your body is trying to tell you. Some recommendations to avoid insomnia are as follows:

Avoid alcohol and tobacco

Avoid caffeine containing drinks after lunch time

Avoid heavy meals 3 hours before bedtime, specifically foods like bacon, cheese, chocolate, eggplant, ham, potatoes, sauerkraut, sugar, tomatoes, etc.

Exercise regularly, but not just before bedtime

Take a hot bath an hour or two before bedtime

Take 5 milligrams of melatonin one hour before bed, Växa’s Nite-Rest is a good source of melatonin

Take 5-Hydroxy L-tryptophan (5HTP), also found in Växa’s Nite-Rest

These suggestions will help you to avoid having sleep problems, however, it is very important to determine the root cause. Also, be cautious of taking melatonin for long periods of time. There have been recent studies that excess use of melatonin (more than occasional use) can stop the body’s own production of this necessary hormone.

Dreams about riding schoolbuses

Next day, Riding the Schoolbus Dream:

Had another dream, of which I can only remember the end. The same woman of this dream was in the quitting work dream, which sheds a particular light on the meaning of that dream. I had asked before going to sleep last night, that the message clarify from the night before, because I felt I didn't have a handle on that dream.

Based on last nights dream, I am even more strongly convinced I'm dealing with survival issues but also now see clearly that sexuality figures in too because of her returning, due to our relationship in the past.

This particular woman was a sexual threat to my marriage at one point. And a threat to what I believed, and still believe, a marriage should be.

Her appearance caused a horrifying realization to hit me. I was in relationship with a man who did not share my own beliefs about what a marriage meant. The relationship was really over then, even though nothing untoward had occurred between these two. It was over because I knew we weren't on the same page on this very vital issue. I didn't know it was over and spent several years denying that fact but in reality, the spiritual marriage ended the day I made the discovery of such a drastic difference in beliefs about marriage.

This woman had little respect for my boundaries even though she lived at my home. She did things that were blatantly disrespectful in a spiritual way, as well, and I had no support for stopping that behavior. I felt alone, threatened and unsupported. It was a very painful time.

Her sexual attitude was one of freedom, regardless of who it ended up hurting. And it ended up hurting me as well as others.

So, her appearance again last night was a potent addition to the dream of the night before.

What I remember of the dream is that we had spent the day together and were riding a school bus home. We rode the bus to the home of my youth. As she got up to get off the bus, she hugged me and asked me if I was ok. She said she was hesitant to ask....afraid of my reaction. I said yeah, I was ok. Then, as she walked away, I called to her and told her I loved her.

Suddenly, I realized this was my stop too so I went to grab my coat and purse and found the woman's little boy (she has one in real life and the details of his birth held concern for me in real life) asleep on my coat. I woke him quickly and got him off the bus.

The mother was sitting across the street, on the back of a pickup truck, talking with someone.

This is all highly signifiant. One more thing. On the bus, I only recall one other familar face. It was a boy I went to school with and once liked but also always felt he was....well, it's hard to find the right words.

I saw this same boy, now a man of course, at the post office the other day and had that same feeling wash over me....I felt sorry for him some way, wanted to avoid him in another. Oh, ok, I think the feeling is somehow knowing how needy he is, in establishing his sexual identity.

Now, I can see where the sexual component ties in. I was dealing with feelings of sexual inadequacy too, because I was feeling as if the man I loved considered me a prude. I was aware of that, maybe universal, fantasy of men to have more than one woman. I felt I might have to do that, like Jane Fonda and probably more women than we know, to keep my marriage together.

In the end, I didn't make that choice. But not making it didn't mean I had dealt with the pain of it. This dream is good because it is working toward a healing of those issues.

In the dream, I was able to tell her I loved her, and even more signficant, I was able to bring her son back to her.

Having seen that particular boy from my school days was telling as well. And I just remembered something else. I saw his son on the bus too. And thought, wow that has to be ____'s son, looks just like him.

Interesting that I saw both the son of the woman
and the son of this man. The next generation.

There are even more elements to the dream. The fact that she went across the street from my Grandmother's house and was sitting on a pickup truck....significant. Anytime a dream takes you back to a specific place or time in my past, I know I'm being asked to heal an issue from that time. And because I was brought back there by a woman with whom I had issues as an adult, it points to a chronic pattern of challenge starting back then.

At this point in the dream, it is less an image of the one woman, as much as a combination of her and a particular girl I went to school with.

We both had divorced parents. I'm not certain about her father but he may have been an alcoholic too, like mine. So we had a resonance, she and I.

Her presence ties in the abuse of my childhood, my relationship with my father and then with all men, based on that abusive relationship.

I'm thankful for the healing of old wounds and thought paradigms that these dreams are facilitating. The ant medicine is really affecting me too, on spiritual levels. The Iridodial is a good thing. I'm glad to have found it.

Dreams about quitting work

The yellow pants and black undies dream:

I'm working as a massage therapist. I am supposed to wear a specific uniform. In the dream, a woman who is African-American comes in to inspect my uniform. She tells me it isn't right. Specifically, she says my underwear should not be black and should not be so narrow. (In normal life, I don't wear thongs but in the dream I was wearing something close to a thong).

I was also wearing bright yellow pants (another item I don't have in my wardrobe) and I remember knowing that the pants were not acceptable either, in that work environment.

After this evaluation, I went to speak to my boss and supervisor. They were male and female, respectively. As we were discussing the evaluation, I decided I would not comply and was going to quit. I told the boss and the supervisor this and they both calmly accepted my decision.

The boss began preparing to write my check up to date, which would be in the amount of $163.00.

The last thing I remember is knowing the supervisor's name and associating that name with a woman I knew in real life, about 4-5 years ago..

My take on the dream so far:

I forgot to ask, on waking, what this dream was about so I'm having a harder time getting in touch with that than if I had asked. It's one of the fundamental habits to get into with dreamtime work. Don't wait. Ask as soon as you realize you are awake and that you have been dreaming.

The first thing that strikes me is the general tone of the dream, from start to finish. Although it is dealing with issues that could be considered stressful, there is no panic, there is no anger, and none of the players in the dream is particularly agressive. Even the woman doing the evaluation is not pushing or hateful, just stating the facts according to her job.

I am not upset either, when I decide to quit. It is a calm, rational decision based on the situation.

So I feel I am working with an issue that I am fully ready to resolve and release or there would have been more energy behind the whole process, probably more conflict and certainly more chaos.

The other factor pointing to a stable, easy transition of change is that I had both a male and female "superior", representing male and female self, and both were calm and rational and supportive of my decision to quit.

Since quitting is an act, a male force decision, it is natural that the boss would be male and the supervisor female. It feels very balance and sane.


The bright yellow pants are interesting because, in my awareness, bright yellow is a color often associated with the personality self and it's issues. However, the chakra associated is the solar plexus and the fact that only my pants were fellow points to lower chakra issues from an ego perspective, probably second and/or first chakra issues feeding thru the lens of my personality self.

Further support for that idea is in the appearance of black thongs. I wear comfortable panties, not thongs. And usually not black. The fact that the panties were black and the woman evaluating me also African-American is significant. Usually, unless I know the person in the dream or there is a situation of conflict with someone I know who actually is African-American, the appearance of a darker-skinned person than myself usually points to a darker, or deeper, side aspect of an issue. Something I'm not looking at. Maybe even something I'm afraid of.

The fact that the thongs are worn in the first chakra area further suports that perhaps this dream is a struggle between my innate sexual nature and my personality self image of that nature. - the yellow pants, covering the black thongs, both of which were deemed inappropriate for the workplace.

Working as a massage therapist might seem tied into sexuality because there are still some people who associate massage with sexual touch. I'm not one of them though, so this message takes on a different meaning in my dream paradigm.

I love massage. Due to the amount of time I spend typing every day, my neck and shoulders would turn to stone without it. For me, it's not a luxury but a necessity. However, in the dream, I wasn't getting massage but giving it.

If I think of working as a massage therapist, I don't want to do that. Even doing reflexology on more than 3 people in one day is very physically demanding on the upper arms and hand muscles, and upper back. I can't imagine doing that every day but I'm so very grateful that there are those who will do it.

So, I'm in a work environment I wouldn't choose to begin with, wearing clothing that is inappropriate and faced with changing or quitting. I decide to quit.

Taken at face value, this could address a struggle I've been in, with myself, lately over work in general. I have always worked too hard, much harder than I had to; much harder than was reasonable or expected, even when I worked for others. I could see this dream as a decision to stop doing that. But....there's more to it because of the yellow pants and black panties.

Aha, just got a glimmer of knowing. The first chakra is tied into sexuality, true, and I've had as many sexual issues as the next person. But, it is also tied into survival and I've had far more survival issues than sexuality issues in my life. Aho. I think I'm onto something.

And the the dollar amount of my last check - $163.00. That has to be signficant. One thing that comes to mind is that it adds up to 10 which then breaks down to 1, in numerology. 1 is the number of new beginnings and that would jibe with the message of the ants, in the Marcia Cross dream, that I'm ending a cycle of experience and beginning a new one.

This is about survival thinking. I'll have to let the message of the dream unfold further. I'll post a resolve when that happens.

Deep Sleep Technique - Guest Article

This article courtesy of Global Light Reflections

Author: Dr. Carlos Orozco BSc, MSc, MD. Ph.D.. FLF, Postdoctoral Fellow., MAIM

This is a typical evening, the time on the clock is midnight, and I am about to go to sleep. I am going to take you through the wonderful world of dreams. In about five hours (5:00 a.m) I need to get up so that I can get ready to live and enjoy another wonderful day.

I take ten deep long breaths, and say after completing ten . . . "I am now sleeping."

How can that be possible? Can I really sleep for just five hours and then get up to enjoy another wonderful day and have a few dreams on the way?

Are you aware that your brain is keeping track of your sleeping pattern as well as your ability to dream throughout the night? Indeed it is, and let me show you how.

As I prepared to go to bed, my brain started to get ready to take me to the world of sleep. It recognized a few habits that I do routinely before going to bed. As you may have noticed, I took two deep long breaths as soon as I put my head in the pillow. By doing so, I lowered my brain frequency immediately. This allowed me to generate the first dream of the night, minutes after having closed my eyes.

This dream has to do with whatever activity I was involved with just before I went to bed. Many people read a book or watch TV before going to bed. So, this dream will continue the story. This is one of the many reasons why you should not go to sleep if you are angry, frustrated, or suffering from stress. More than likely, you will be awake all night, and the night could be very long. As my brain frequency keeps dropping to generate alpha waves, I reposition myself on the bed. In the vast majority of cases, most people adopt the fetal position at this stage.

As soon as the light of the room is turned off, my brain frequency keeps decreasing and starts generating theta waves. These theta waves are the waves of sleep. It takes another three to four hours to reach that point where the theta waves change into delta waves . . . the waves of deep sleep. During the theta and delta phases, I do not dream. I only dream while I am in the alpha state. In fact, my eyes move very rapidly when I am dreaming, this is called REM (rapid eye movement).

It is during deep sleep that my brain sends signals to my liver so that it can get to work. Why? Because I need to restore and rebuild the energy that I used the previous day . . . so that during the daytime I will be able to function.

By taking those ten breaths before going to sleep I have saved three hours, because it only will take 15 minutes to get to deep sleep.

Normally, It takes about three hours and thirty minutes to get to deep sleep, and we only stay there between 15 to 30 minutes. By doing the deep breathing exercise it only takes 15 minutes to get to deep sleep, and I can stay there for two to three hours, rather than just 15 to 30 minutes.

At this time my breathing pattern changes, and I tend to take deep, long breaths, hold them for a while, and then I breathe out slowly. Soon after I have been at deep sleep my brain frequency goes back to the alpha level flying through the delta state. An almost prophetic dream is generated at this time.

Many biblical characters, inventors, artists, writers, and scientists have been able to extract the information contained in this dream to find the right answer to a question they been asking, where no answer seems to be found in the so-called real world.

Allow me to give you some examples:
From the Bible we have the dream of Joseph when he correctly interpreted Pharaoh's dream and thus Egypt was able to prepare for and overcome what could have been a catastrophe.

Leonardo Da Vinci, designed the first airplane and the first submarine which were products of his dreams. Julius Verne, had a dream where he worked out the distance between the moon and the earth and wrote a book called A Voyage from the Earth to the Moon. In the same dream he predicted that rockets would take off from Cape Canaveral in Florida, long before this was the case.

I had a dream that saved a life while I was working at a hospital in Saudi Arabia. I dreamed that a woman having surgery had internal bleeding in the aorta. Because of the dream, I knew exactly where the bleed was and thus what to do. Thanks to the dream the woman lived.

We all have such dreams. This type of dream occurs every time we leave the deep sleep stage. Since we have recharged our batteries, there is no need to go back to the delta level.

The brain frequency slightly drops into the theta level where it stabilizes itself, for about an hour or so. Then the brain frequency rises again to generate alpha waves. Here we dream again, just before we are about to open our eyes. This is the dream that most people would remember.

The clock now shows 5:00 a.m. It is time to wake up. I moved back to laying down, take a long deep breath and I then get up. I have been asleep now for five hours and I am ready to start another wonderful day. I'm rejuvenated, I'm refreshed, and I'm excited. I had a dream!

As Walt Disney once said, "All dreams can come true if we have the courage to pursue them."

Resolve, Kissing Marcia Cross

This resolve has been hard in coming. The dream with Marcia was a serious warning and I knew it. I also knew exactly what behavior had to stop. Deciding how much of that to share on a blog where anyone on earth might read it was not so easy.

Spiritually speaking, I'm unblinkingly honest with myself which is often very painful. When I am not living up to my Essence, I always know it deeply. It haunts me mercilessly, I believe more than most. I base this decision on my tendency to be haunted by shortcomings long after others have forgiven themselves and moved on. In all my years of counseling others, I've met very few who hold themselves to accountability to the degree that I do. I'm not saying it's a good thing. Quite the opposite. It interferes with spiritual peace. I know God does not require this of me but, up until now, I've had a hard time being gentle with myself. In this way, I identify with Marcia's character, Bree, on Desperate Housewives.

For about the past year and a half, I've been doing something that has ended up damaging my health. Shortly after the dream about Marcia, this health crisis came to a no-turning-back point and I had to decide whether to live or die, again. It's not the first time I've had to decide this. I wrote about one such time in the Moon Lodge Visions Handbook. I wrote of another right here on this blog. I've had to make the conscious choice to live or die before but this the first time I've done it with so much spiritual focus and awareness. While I feel it was absolutely vital for me to walk thru this fear and do what I've done, I also realize that to have taken it further would have meant to die a terrible death.

So what was this awful thing I was doing? Drinking alcohol. After 9 years as a tee-totaler and someone who hated the very smell of it, I very consciously decided to drink again. Knowing my father was an alcoholic; knowing alcohol had almost killed me once before, I chose to drink. Why did I do this? I could take the easy way out and say it was because my heart was broken from the end of my spiritual marriage. Most people who have been thru something like that would understand. But it wasn't that at all. In fact, during the first three months after the loss of that relationship, when I lost 30 pounds and did not really function at all, I did not drink. It never crossed my mind.

It was only after I began to heal, began to get on with my life, that I realized I had a huge monster in the closet of my consciousness. Alcohol. I feared it more than I feared death. I feared becoming my father. I feared being addicted. I knew the only way thu that fear "was" thru it, at least for me. I could live the rest of my life running from alcohol and the horrors it had created in my childhood and early adulthood, or I could meet it again, on spiritual terms, and see what it held for me.

I remember making the decision to go get some beer. A spiritual decision, strange as that may seem. For a long, long time I drank one or two beers a day. I actually felt much better doing this. Of course, as a counselor, I am aware of the many studies that suggested drinking one or two drinks per day is actually beneficial for most people. So far, so good. Then, I went further. I only got truly drunk about three times in that year, but it was enough to hurt me. To weaken my liver. I've read that if a person who once drank heavily and starts back, the liver damage is the same as if they never stopped. That doesn't make sense to me but it appears it might be true because I did not drink enough to hurt liver function, if you look at the amount I drank over the course of that year.

Then, I over-drank (though, again, not to the point of terrible drunkeness - more like cocktail party drunk) for four days in a row.

Then, I almost died.

I'm a healer. I recognize when a liver is not functioning. My liver and spleen stopped processing for over 24 hours. I tried everything I knew, including laying on of hands.

By early morning, I was deathly ill. I was also acutely spiritually aware during this 48 hour period that the dream was playing out. My abdomen got very hard, just like Marcia's had in the dream. I could have gone to the doctor, of course. It never was an option though it did cross my mind that I might die if I didn't call 911. This was a spiritual initiation and I meant to see it through. I finally took some WaterOz Alkalizer in a glass of water, and within a minute, I projectile-vomited out everything in my stomach. I think it may have saved my life. A few minutes later my liver processed and it sounded like a freight train. Then, the spleen emptied. Then the bowels.

I lived.

Did I conquer my fear? On one level, yes. On another, I'm not strong enough. A warrior knows when to retreat....at least, eventually they know.

STRONG WARNING: IN SHARING THIS STORY I AM, IN NO WAY, SUGGESTING
THAT ANYONE SHOULD TRY WHAT I TRIED. I DEFINITELY COULD HAVE DIED.

There was more to it than just facing my fear of alcohol though. I was also at a point in my life when I was facing an even bigger demon, boredom. That may sound crazy. It even does to me sometimes. Still, all my life, the hardest thing for me to handle was not being creatively inspired. Being bored in my day. And after I began to heal from the end of my spiritual marriage, and even after I began to pursue some dreams I'd had all my life, I became bored. It terrified me. Of course in all the ACA meetings and all the counseling I got the first go-around with all of this, years ago, I heard the explanations. Someone growing up in an alcoholic home as I did, particularly one with violence and abuse, will often feel unsafe when things go quiet. Unconsciously, you wait for the other shoe to drop. For daddy to come home drunk and do something destructive. Creating drama of some kind, or trying to numb the feeling, is common.

I heard those explanations and there is truth to them, of course. I'm not negating the value of psychological counseling but I am saying it's limited in the scope of what is understood about the Spirit. There is more to it than fear of something bad happening when things finally get calm and seem to be going your way. I don't have it all articulated but what I understand is that it is the very nature of Spirit to create, to be in constant energetic motion. This motion is not the same as motion in form. We have to exert effort to move form. Spirit moves because it is the nature state of Spirit to move, much like our breathing is natural in form. Energetic spiritual motion is like that.

On the other hand, it is the very nature of third-dimensional flesh to be slow, and finally, to stop. We are closer and closer to stopping, each day we live in form. We chose to embody form, which is dense, heavy, slow if compared to the formless. Form has a hard time with the consistent energetic motion of Spirit. See, this is difficult to put into words but perhaps someone can get the energy of what I'm working to share here. Perhaps I will share more on this at some point in the future.

Anyway, back to the dream. This experience, I know, was foretold in the dream. I was reminded of my message about the okra pepsin. I think maybe the message was the same in this dream as it was in that one. More is not better. More is definitely not better in some cases. It was true with the okra and it was certainly true with the alcohol.

The bruising on the right side of Marcia's neck was still unresolved until I realized the obvious - throat chakra. Communication. Would I be brave enough to share this with you, people I've never met or people who knew me when? Would I be spiritually open about what I've gone through? In the end, I knew that I had to be. I didn't want the rest of that dream to play out. The physical reality of what it might mean to my throat was enough to persuade me.

I think of Marcia's words to me "Don't leave me yet but when you go, don't come back"
I said back to her "I won't leave you yet but when I go I won't come back".
Sealed with a kiss. A promise made, to myself.

To walk to the edge of death, once more, and leave it before it claimed me.
And having left, not to go back to that damaging behavior.
Will I keep that promise? Time will tell.

I heard those explanations and there is truth to them, of course. I'm not negating the value of psychological counseling but I am saying it's limited in the scope of what is understood about the Spirit. There is more to it than fear of something bad happening when things finally get calm and seem to be going your way. I don't have it all articulated but what I understand is that it is the very nature of Spirit to create, to be in constant energetic motion. This motion is not the same as motion in form. We have to exert effort to move form. Spirit moves because it is the nature state of Spirit to move, much like our breathing is natural in form. Energetic spiritual motion is like that.

On the other hand, it is the very nature of third-dimensional flesh to be slow, and finally, to stop. We are closer and closer to stopping, each day we live in form. We chose to embody form, which is dense, heavy, slow if compared to the formless. Form has a hard time with the consistent energetic motion of Spirit. See, this is difficult to put into words but perhaps someone can get the energy of what I'm working to share here. Perhaps I will share more on this at some point in the future.

Anyway, back to the dream. This experience, I know, was foretold in the dream. I was reminded of my message about the okra pepsin. I think maybe the message was the same in this dream as it was in that one. More is not better. More is definitely not better in some cases. It was true with the okra and it was certainly true with the alcohol.

The bruising on the right side of Marcia's neck was still unresolved until I realized the obvious - throat chakra. Communication. Would I be brave enough to share this with you, people I've never met or people who knew me when? Would I be spiritually open about what I've gone through? In the end, I knew that I had to be. I didn't want the rest of that dream to play out.

I think of Marcia's words to me "Don't leave me yet but when you go, don't come back"
I said back to her "I won't leave you yet but when I go I won't come back".
Sealed with a kiss. A promise made, to myself.

ps. Just began taking the Iridodial I ordered because of the dream. I had forgotten the ants in the dream. This isn't the first time ants have appeared as a totem. I remember the first time I read that ants are associated with 2-year cycles. I looked at my life and realized I had indeed been in a 2-year cycle that was ending.

Then, last night, just a half hour or so after I took my first dose of Iridodial, it was as if a light bulb went off over my head and I realized that it was almost 2 years to the month, that I left Alabama and went to California to dedicate time to a craft I had loved all my life, which is acting. It was shortly after the trip to California that I made the decision to drink again.

So, I'm encouraged by the signs that this is another two-year cycle ending for me and ant medicine has come along to help end that cycle in the best possible way. I can't say the Iridodial tastes wonderful. Somehow, it takes exactly what I'd imagine an ant would taste like if you ate an ant live, like they do on Fear Factor. But I do feel the energy of it, both physically and spiritually.

In case you haven't heard of iridodial, it is extracted from ants and is helping peole with cancer among other things. Ants do not have an immune system. They have a gene-repair system. It's really quite amazing. The medical hypothesis is that the same gene repair information contained in the dna of ants can help us repair. Makes sense to me but I'd take it anyway, for the totem animal connection.

Resolve, Flower Essence Medicines (Okra and Beets)

If you are coming to this page directly, you will want to read the first part of this dream as the follow up written before this one.

The dream message is resolving for me and I feel it is completing so this will probably be the last message regarding the okra and beets dream.

Since my last post, I began taking the okra flower essence which was my first instinct when the dream came. It has helped the flower essences always help me - not in some huge, epiphany sort of way but just in a subtle, balancing and healing way over the past week or so. When I read the "medicine" of okra on the flower essence info sheet, I was again reminded of how the most simple thing can also be the most profound.

The medicine of the Perelandra okra essence is "Retunrs ability to see the positive in one's life and environment". I guess I resisted that message because I didn't want to see so clearly how negative my attitudes had become. Okra has delivered on it's dreamtime promise.

The second aspect of the dream, the beets, was more of a journey. After the terrible lesson with the okra pepsin, I decided I wouldn't order any product that had beets plus other ingredeients in it. Since the okra essence was working so well, I decided to see if there was a beet essence somewhere. There was. In fact, there were two. I started to order the one I found through a seaerch but then the owner of the site emailed that there was another beet essence and sent the link for me to read about it. At first glance, it didn't seem to apply since the medicine of that essence had to do with healing wartime traumas. Then, I began to think about a pattern in my life, as far back as I can recall. I tend to be "at war" with situations. Agressively at war against perceived unfairness or threat. I knew instantly that this was the essence I needed, on recognizing that pattern in my life and also recognizing a specific situation with which I had been at war for the past month that had been draining my energy reserves, my clarity of mind and my faith.

So I ordered it. I've been taking it now for about three days and I report definitely that my agression around the former situation is easing. I am less ready to fight than before and more available to other avenues of expression. So, the beets and okra my male self brought to me in the dream were exactly the medicine I needed and I'm so grafeful to have this dreamtime process.

I wanted to share the site where I got the beetroot essence, in case anyone reading this might have need of it as well. The woman I corresponded with, Glenys, is very helpful and pleasant to connect with and obviously, I feel the essences are made in a good way to have such a good effect on me. So, go visit New Millennium Essences to read about the beetroot essence and other flower essences created by Peter Archer. Neat site, lots of good information and beautiful pictures. Nice affirmations to utilize whether you buy the flower essences or not.

Dreams About Snakes

I need to preface this dream by reminding readers that I am a Medicine Worker. With regard to dreamtime work, this means that a dream may involve my beingness in assistance to another. I make this distinction because a lot of popular dream interpretation guides insist that every element of a dream is about the person dreaming. This is just not my reality or my truth. Because I offer myself, consciously, to go out into the dreamtime and work with others, and because I have been trained in doing so by those of other realms, every dream I have is not about me or my life. I've learned how to tell the difference over time.

So this dream is one of those Medicine Worker dreams.

I am with a relative. We are at the edge of his sister's yard. (this is my first clue that the dream is not about me. it is occurring in a place about which i have no attachment or involvement).

This relative points across the street, to a bench and we start across the street to sit and talk (this is my second clue that this is a medicine dream for him and not about me - he is leading the dream).

As we walk across the street, both of us notice a snake near the bench. The snake is turned up on it's back, with belly showing and throat showing predominantly. In other words, the area around the throat calls attention (this points to communication issues between the sister and this relative, a fact he later confirmed.). It is a poisonous, non-indigenious snake. I have the feeling it is a cobra. Since I associated cobras with India, the message takes special significance from the type of snake that is there. If it had been an indigenious snake to our region, a copperhead or rattlesnake, the dream would have had a different level of importance.)

The relative I'm with starts toward the snake, I think he is planning to pick it up. He is pointing it out. I start to warn him not to pick up the snake when suddenly, the snake flips over and comes toward us agressively. At that point, my cat walks in between us and very calmly in the path of the snake. He is bitten. I try to grab him to keep him from getting bitten again but he again very calmly crosses between the snake and us and is bitten a second time.

In animal medicine dreams, I always know that the animal who is injured or bitten is taking something for someone else. It is obvious, even though it is my cat, that the medicine being absorbed (the negative energy coming from the sister) is being absorbed on the behalf of the relative.

I grab up the cat and we run to my mom's house where I try to get someone to go with me to the hospital to have Pooter checked out (Pooter is my cat as you may recall from previous cat medicine dreams). The one who volunteers to go is the daughter of the relative in the dream. So there is a resolve between the daughter, the father and the father's sister that is going on in the dream.

As soon as I woke the next morning, I called the relative. He said he had been thinking about his sister that morning. He had been meaning to go see her but she had been so angry at him in the past that he was hesitant to visit, afraid of her mood. He decided to go see her. I haven't heard back from him on how the visit went and really don't have to hear back to know that strong medicine has been laid down for healing in that family.

Resolving Resistance to Dreamtime Work

A lot of people write to me, asking me what their dreams mean. I seldom take on that task, both because it is extremely time-consuming and because, ulitimately, it is not empowering. I used to do dreamtime interpretations and still do on occasion but the bulk of my work now is showing by example, so that others can learn the unique patterns of their own dreams and learn to interpret them without need of an outside source or guide.

Guides are terrific, don't get me wrong. I've used lots and lots of them and still do when I need to stimulate new growth in some area of my life. I use subliminal tapes, hypnosis tapes, binaural beats, and also the superior paraliminals offered by our guest article company, Learning Strategies. I discovered their paraliminal line many years ago and their excellent helped me change some very destructive patterns. They are among the best available today.

All I'm saying is that any guide or tool used too long becomes a crutch. A good teaching tool or stimulator should motivate. If you aren't motivated to do more of your own work after using it a while, in my book, it's not a great tool. In fact, the evidence of a truly exceptional selfhelp tape is that you need it less and less because the patterns you wish to change, you are changing.

OK, back to the subject, as I said many ask for my interpretation of their dream. What is better is to ask yourself and learn how to hear the answer. I hope you enjoy this brief article. See if you recognize any of your own excuses for not delving into dreamtime more fully below.

Benefits of Dreaming; Common Arguments

Guest Article from Learning Strategies

Musicians have learned how dreams can help when learning a new piano piece. When they dream about the piece, it becomes memorized. This frees the musician to concentrate on playing—not on the sheet music.

Others have composed speeches, sermons, articles, and papers in their dreams. When this happens to you, wake up and take notes!

"Yes, but I do not dream"
That simply is not true. You dream, but you do not remember your dreams.

"But, I need rest, I cannot be bothered by dreams."
Dreaming does not take away from a good nights sleep. In some cases, it actually enhances it. Besides, your body needs the rest, not your mind.

"But, I have so much going on in my life right now. I do want to live it in my dreams, too."
Then program your dreams to take fantasy trips, visit with people you want to spend more time with, try out different foods and desserts. There are many refreshing adventures waiting in your dreams.

"But, I do not remember my dreams."
People who listen to Dream Play begin remembering dreams right away. As you play with the CD, you will become better and better and programming, directing, and remember your dreams. (note from neva: those who work at remembering, with or without a tool to help them, will eventually start to remember their dreams. If you have trouble remembering, I do think Dream Play is one of the best tools out there to stimulate stronger dream recall.)

"How about some tips now?"
Before sleeping, drink a glass of water and say you will remember your dreams. Plus, whenever you wake during sleep, you first thought should be, "what was I just dreaming?" Lie still and remember the striking elements of the dream. Remain awake for several minutes. Freely think about what the dream could mean. This fixes the dream in memory and lets you tap into the larger meaning of the dream. You may want to jot notes on paper to help stimulate more recall.

It is best to wake up from a full sleep naturally without a disruptive alarm or radio. Reflect inwardly to allow dream feelings or images to surface. Lie quietly, minimize movement, and avoid distractions. Remain wrapped in the afterglow of the dream experience.

Dream Play is a fun CD that can have profound effects on your life. Hardly any customer ever returns this CD, so we know that if you get it today you will be enjoying its benefits some night very soon.

Dreams about vegetables, folllow up

This is a follow up to the dream about beets and okra posted earlier. Sometimes more is definitely not better.

I am rethinking the message of this dream due to an unpleasant experience with the Okra Pepsin 3 product I ordered after the dream. Let me preface what I'm about to say by also saying that I am not certain this product caused the problem. It was most likely a combination of factors. I am certain that I should not have jumped the gun and went for a product that had so many other things in it, in addition to what the dream instructed me to use.

I've gotten in trouble for this same thing before. Thinking more is better, or just not paying attention to every ingredient in a product. When I ordered it, I assumed it was okra and pepsin, period. I didn't notice the other ingredients. Even at that, a flag should have gone up. Okra AND Pepsin, not just okra. What is pepsin? What does it do? Do I need it? I didn't ask those important questions.

When I got the product and read that it contained other things, including one that made my "spidey senses" kick in, I just dismissed it and figured more might be better. It was not. What followed after taking the product for a couple of days was severe intestinal distress like you can't believe. Since I was particularly concerned about the bovine orchic extract, I wrote the company, Standard Process, and asked them what the reason was for including it in the formula. I received an email that would have been amusing if the subject had not been someone's health. The response to me was actually shorter than the long, detailed paragraph prohibiting me from sharing any part of the email with anyone else for any reason. I guess if you want the answer, you'll just have to email Standard Process like I did.

This would all be so very amusing to me if it weren't so painful. Perhaps the most amusing thing would be that I have, sitting on my desk right here, an okra flower essence. It's the first thing I thought of but then I thought maybe it wasn't enough......error in judgment. I got it out, set it on the desk, and then went in search on the internet for "more".

In the dream, my male self said simply "I've brought you okra and beets". He did not say "I've brought you okra, bovine orchic extract, alginic acid, tillandsia useneoids extract, carbamide, pepsin and allantoin.

I've included some information on the extra ingredients added to Okra Pepsin 3, in case you are thinking of ordering it. I'm just not a big fan of bovine extracts. colostrum and transfer factor are different provided the manufactors insures grainfed cattle, never given steroids, antibiotics or other chemicals. But extracts? Not too thrilled with them or glandulars, due to the steroids, antibiotics and other chemicals given most commercially raised animals. That should have been a red flag right there. Duh. Simple is better. Now, I just have to find a way to enjoy beets I guess or hey, maybe find a beet flower essence. Wonder if anyone makes one?

The info below was garnered from a search on the different ingredients and is certainly not intended to be represenative of all there is to know about any of them. If one or the other interests you, I'd suggest doing a more detailed search for info.


INGREDIENTS IN OKRA PEPSIN 3, BESIDE OKRA OF COURSE:
Bovine Orchic Extract is known as a protomorphagenic compound. When protomorphogens are administered orally, radiographic studies have shown a localized accumulation and absorption of radio-isotopes at the same site of similar tissue ingested.....This may speed the absorption and total supply of raw testosterone producing ingredients.... http://www.netrition.com/

Alginic acid is an ideal disintegrant for use with nutraceutical actives. Its performance as a disintegrant has been shown to be acceptable with a variety of active ingredients at relatively low use levels. In addition to being naturally derived, alginic acid is also relatively low in sodium and starch free. Combined, these basic product attributes will help improve tablet performance and consumer acceptance. http://www.ebigchina.com/

Tillandsia useneoides extract - Tillandsia's are without doubt one of the worlds most amazing group of plants. Tillandsias have developed the ability to take all their food and water through specially designed cells on their leaves and therefore can exist without any roots for ever. Roots are used by most species to attach themselves and nothing more. Tillandsias can grow in places no other plants can survive including electrical cable on power lines. That's all well and good but I can't locate any nutritional or health value to the extract itself. http://www.collectorscorner.com.au/

Carbamide -Active Ingredients: Urea skin cream, gel, lotion or ointment Representative Names: Aquacare, Carbamide, Carmol 10, Carmol 20, Gordon's Urea 40%, Gormel Cream, Lanaphilic, Nutraplus, Ultra Mide 25, Ureacin-10, Ureacin-20, VanamideUREA (Aquacare®, Carmol®) is commonly used to moisturize dry skin. At high doses (40%) urea can be used to dissolve and remove diseased nails without surgery. Urea is available in many non-prescription skin care products. http://www.drugdigest.org/

Pepsin - Enzymes that digest proteins pose a real challenge. The enzyme must be constructed inside the cell, but controlled in some manner so that it doesn't immediately start digesting the cell's own proteins. To solve this problem, pepsin and many other protein-cutting enzymes are created as inactive "proenzymes," which may then be activated once safely outside the cell. Pepsin is constructed with an extra 44 amino acids which block the large active site groove and hobble the enzyme. In the stomach, this extraneous chain is clipped off and the enzyme begins its destructive campaign. http://www.rcsb.org/

Pepsin used to be extracted from the stomachs of pigs for small-scale industrial uses. These uses included digesting photographic films made of gelatin to recover the silver and removing hairs from animal hides in the leather industry. To my knowledge it is no longer used commercially, except perhaps in some developing countries. http://www.enzymes.co.uk/

Note on info: I'm aware that there are many potentially toxic ingredients that, at lower dosages, or with different processings, can be beneficial so this info on pepsin, though amusing, doesn't negate benefits necessarily. I'd have to know more about how it actually works. I do think I didn't need it. I only needed the okra.

Allantoin - Promotes wound healing, speeds up cell regeneration, and has a keratolytic (skin-softening) effect. Allantoin has been termed a cell proliferant, an epithelization stimulant, and a chemical debrider in texts such as the "United States Dispensatory", "Merck Index", and "British Pharmaceutical Codex". It is said to clean away necrotic tissue, hastening the growth of new healthy tissue. Since Allantoin stimulates new and healthy tissue growth, healing epithelization may take place. The FDA OTC Panel has not recognized Allantoin as a wound healing agent, only as a skin protectant. Allantoin has been also termed a counter irritant that helps alleviate the untoward skin-irritation effects of certain cosmetic ingredients such as soap and detergent surfactants, oils, and acidic or alkaline materials. So far, this is the only ingredient besides the okra that looks like something which might be helpful in my situation. http://www.abateit.com/

Dreams about Death and Kissing Marcia Cross

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Note on dreams about death: Usually, a dream about
death doesn't signal actual death. More often, it signals
the death of some behavior, relationship, way of thinking,
etc. that is hindering one from progressing spirituallly.
However, there is the occasional dream that is directly
warning of death and this is one of those dreams for me.

Last night I had a dream that, on first glance, appeared to
be one of those ego clean-up dreams that just incorporates
events of the day into a dream that helps the ego self shift
into a more surrendered state.

However, as the dream progressed, it became apparent that
it was far more significant, in fact a Medicine Dream.

In the dream, I was lying beside and almost on top of a
dying woman. I was aware, in the dream itself, that I was
there to comfort her and to forgive her for trying to kill me.

If this had been the extent of the dream, I would have
suspected ego clean up because just hours before, I had
watched (with most the world) a lot of memories of Pope
John Paul II being aired, in honor of his death. I was
particularly touched by the segment shown where
he goes to prison to forgive the man who shot him.

The Indigo Factor: One factor that separated this
from an ego-level dream was the genuine sense that
there was a fairly large group of people watching me
interact with this dying woman.

I could not see them but knew that they all seemed to
be dressed in dark blue, even indigo. The color of the third
eye. I knew, even in the dream, that I had been brought there
for a very important reason. Usually, when I see more indigo
in a dream than makes any kind of sense, it typically signals
a strong Medicine Dream for me. I'm not saying it would mean
the same thing for another person. I teach a very individual
approach to dreamtime work. You have to learn how Spirit
speaks to you and what symbols, colors, people mean
in your dreams. They may not be the same as mine.

The color gold in dreams:
Another factor involved the face of the dying woman.
She had a thin line of gold eyeshadow on her eyelids
and was wearing gold lipstick. It may sound garish but
I have seldom seen anyone look so beautiful. And
her face was rosy, glowing, peaceful. Gold is the
color I associate with spiritual refinement. It speaks
of fire; of difficult, challenging times on the Path.
I am certainly having those.

Gold additionally is associated with the crown
chakra which is, in turn, associated with incoming
Spiritual Information but I more closely associate
white with that chakra so for me, the message
was more about walking thru the fire of some
challenge in my spiritual life. I knew exactly
what it was pointing toward when I looked at
the message from that context.

The woman she had some kind of odd-looking puncture
wound near the pancreas (this is significant because at
my last chiropractic appointment the pancreas showed
up as being out of balance, which had never happened
before). As I lay with her, I felt something moving and
looked down and a tiny ant had found the wound and
was on it. I brushed it away. Before the dream was
over, the ant reappeared. This was also significant,
for reasons I'll detail later.

Other things I noticed about her body included the fact
that her abdomen was hardened. This, of course, was
highly significant to me because of my own intestinal
problems recently. (Read the dream on okra and beets).
And she had some kind of bruising between her right
shoulder blade and arm.

Why Marcia Cross?
At that time in the dream, I felt a need to go to the
bathroom and started to get up. The dying woman
opened her eyes and reached for me.

She said "Don't leave me now
but when you leave, don't come back". It was an
urgent appeal. I said to her "I won't leave you now,
but when I leave, I won't come back".

Then we kissed. It was completely non-sexual.
It was profound beyond any words I could put
to it. There was a sense of being suspended
between worlds, a sense of being out of form
but still aware of form. In that moment, I believe
I realized that though I recognized Marcia Cross,
it was my body and not hers I had been looking
at.

I believe Marcia was there because of something
I heard her say a few hours before going to bed,
again tied into the Pope's death. She said that
whenever she heard of anyone dying, it reminded
her that we are only here for a short time.

That was the end of the dream except for a sense
that I was getting ready to get up after the kiss.
Either to leave or to go to the bathroom.

This is a huge dream for me. I have shared on this
blog how the end of my seven year spiritual marriage
affected my health. For months, I barely functioned.
I lived on coffee and crackers, rarely cooking or eating
anything. I cried constantly. I lost 30 pounds in a
very short space of time and I believe, had I gone on
forward in the way I was, I would have died.

My immune system was tremendously compromised,
not only from malnutrition but also from stress and
emotional trauma. And this stress has really been
present for about two years before the actual end
of the relationship. I knew it was ending and didn't
want to know it. So my entire system was in fight
or flight for two years. That is tremendously hard
on the physical body.

The slow recovery process has taken over two years
and up til this moment in time, I have still not felt
truly healthy.

I am still making choices that I don't personally consider
healthy. I'm making them out of boredom, out of a sense
of aimlessness, out of a lack of purpose.

The other side of healing your heart and emotions
after the end of a longterm relationship, inovolves
recreating your life. The first phase of my healing
took about two years. I'm not sure how long the second
half will take. I know that what is before me now is to
decide how to fill my days, now that they are no longer
filled the way they were before.

Now that I'm not longer immersed in emotional
distress over the loss of the relationship, I must
turn my thoughts toward what I want out of the rest
of my time here on earth. It isn't as easy as it might
sound.

So the stress of not knowing has continued, up
until now, to affect my health.

I know, without doubt, that I was being shown
my own death if I continue down the same path
I am now. The fact that I was told not to come back,
meant I can't go back. I must go forward or I'll
die.

Whenever I have a dream with a known person or
celebrity, I always ask myself how that person
reminds me of myself. In the case of Marcia,
it is her character on Desperate Housewives,
where I found the resemblance.

Bree is a rigid, spiritually. She is hard on herself.
She is hard on others. She has standards so high
that most can't meet them. My Grandmother
had those traits and I grew up thinking she was
the perfect Christian. So, of course, I wanted to
be like her.

In light of this, I believe that Marcia was also
telling me that I had to release judgment,
particularly of myself.

Now, the significance of the ants. Ant has been
a totem of mine before and one thing that stands
out is that ants represent two-year cycles. And
there were two ants in the dream, or one ant
appearing twice. update: In reviewing the
totem aspects of ant, as presented by Ted
Andrews in Animal Speaks, I notice that he
associates ant with 12 year cycles, NOT two
year cycles. So.....not sure where I came up
with that but it resonates. I have to look at the
12 year cycle too, now, in light of this new info.

Also, this dream triggered a vague recollection
of having recently read about something having
to do with ants and medicine. I relocated that
information and it added even more urgency to
the dreamtime message of the ants.

The article is a fairly long one so I posted it
on my site for a