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Last night, I dreamed of Grandma. She's been gone for many years now.
It isn't the first time I 've dreamed of her, but it's the first time in a long time.
I think I posted earlier on this blog, about a dream I had decades ago, where my Grandmother was in some kind of concentration camp. She had knowledge, secret knowledge, and those in power were torturing her to release it. She was given the choice of telling what she knew and saving her family or refusing to tell and watching us be tortured to death in front of her. I was to be the first one so tortured.
I woke from that dream before it's completion, screaming. I wept for hours and could not go back to sleep. At that time in my life, I had no awareness of past lives. That was certainly never taught in our fundamental Christian church. Never even mentioned.
Anyway, back to the current dream.....
I am lying on a bed, drenched in sweat. I am in esctatic trance and speaking in foreign languages. My Grandmother sits beside me, sopping my forehead with a wet cloth. My neice sits in the room also, and she seems afraid for my health.
I am aware of them both and can see what they are doing, even though I have my eyes closed on the bed. This isn't me, the dreamer, observing the dream. This is me on the bed, in the dream itself, observing them. There's a difference. When I have a realization in a dream that I can see someone with my eyes closed, I know I'm having a Medicine Dream -- a dream of spiritual significance that goes beyond Freudian, Jungian or other typical interpretation.
So, while I do look at typical meanings for Grandmother, spiritually powerful positions such as that of a trance medium, etc. I know that I am dealing with something raw and potent that has nothing to do with the current issues of my life. In other words, I'm not just working out some issue of the personality self in this dream. I am doing spiritual work.
I have been aware, for a long time, that we often are utilized by Spirit, to speak a Word into the universe for someone. We don't ever have to know who the information was for, or in this case even what it was. We just have to be open to being utilized to get important information out.
Now, my Grandmother was a staunch fundamental Church of Christ woman with a backbone of steel and no patience at all for weakness, particularly in herself. She would have thought the devil had taken possession of me, if this kind of esctatic trance had ever happened while she were alive, here on earth. In the dream, from the other side of things, she was calm and facilitating the process.
Yes, again, all sorts of Jungian interpretation possible there. I'm aware and don't dismiss it but just know that there is more to this one than that.
I often dream of this particular niece whenever she is struggling. The fact that she was there observing and fearful of me was signficant to me because I feel she's at a point in her own life where she is being stirred to Purpose and, if I'm an example of that, it doesn't look like an easy road to her. She is right about that but once called, not going is worse.
I have also written on this blog about a spiritual baptism I received several years ago, after which everything I held dear was taken from me. My life was stripped down to nothing at all and I believe I came close to choosing death -- not deliberate suicide, just a choice to not care about my life anymore.
I've also written on this blog about my recent struggle with an old demon, alcohol. That was a deliberate struggle. I very carefully and deliberately started to drink again, after 9 years without it in my life. I made the choice to walk thru what killed my father, because I didn't want to run from it the rest of my life.
For two and a half years, I drank daily. Not a lot, on most days. On most days, I had one or two beers. Occasionally, I had three. And very rarely, I got drunk. Each day of that two and a half years, I deliberately danced with this devil of my father.
Am I through with that dance? Only time will tell. I know I stopped. I know I recognize what drives me toward it. I know that is what has to be healed. And I know my life depends on healing it.
So, dreams about dead Grandmothers. What do they mean? For most of us, in general, our Grandmothers were special. In my case, my Grandmother represented righteousness. She was the most dedicated, focused, and disciplined person I knew. She was not happy, though. She was severe. So, in taking on her good qualities, I also took on the severity. My whole life, I've been severe with life. I've been severe with others. I've most particularly been severe with me.
The dream, in part, was tremendously spiritual and a true Medicine Dream because the trance was real, the languages spoken were real, and they were transmitted to someone that night.
On the other hand, it was also real that my Grandmother was supporting me and helping me to come back to my core as a being of spiritual service. Since the spiritual baptism I mentioned above, I have pulled myself away from service. As a tremendously wounded healer, I could no longer offer healing energy to others. This was as it should have been but Grandmother is helping me toward the day when I will once again be available to others in that way. The day is soon.