Saturday, March 19, 2005

Cat Totem, Medicine, Part Two

When working to interpet spiritual guidance, a different set of senses come into play. Before I begin the process of sharing the unfolding of events which culminated in a much-needed spiritual action on my part, I want to preface this sharing by admitting that any trained psychologist might define me as delusional. There is such a subtle but strong stimulus involved when spiritual guidance is imparted....how can one quantify that in terms to satisfy the scientific mind? One cannot, I believe.

Anyway, regardless of what might be judged simply the fanciful putting together of events in a way to support a certain point of view, I maintain (without need to prove) that what I'm about to share is fairly typical of the subtle nature of spiritual nudging. The way God gets one's attention, over a period of time, thru related events which, at the time of their occurence, seem to have no relation.

The first aspect of this spiritual guidance began with a dream.

In the dream, I was supposed to be on set to film a role. But i couldn't find the director. That could mean a lot of things, but like i always do when i wake up, i asked what was significant in the dream and what area of my life it was addressing.

What was significant was that i walked til i was exhausted, looking for this director. When I asked why that was significant, I simply got that I had to start walking.

Nothing profound. I knew it, have know it for a long time. In fact, as a wellness counselor, I cannot plead ignorance at any level, about the importance of moderate exercise in relation to fitness and health. Still,up until the point of this dream, I had not been exercising. Since walking has always been the best exercise for me because i can meditate while i walk, even walking briskly enough to increase my heart rate, the dream had added significance.

The second part of the spiritual message unfolded while I was watching Dr. Phil (by the way, I am not not crazy about him but the people he had on were very intriguing). I was watching, interested in the dynamics of the family he had on the show but not engaged at all on a personal level, until he made one statement that did something to me energetically. He said, in so many words, that if you have a price to pay, you will do things you wouldn't do if you didn't have a price to pay. He was telling a mother to set some sort of punishment for herself any time she cursed in front of her child, like not wearing any make up that day, to discourage her from cursing so much. When i felt the spiritual energy hit me, I asked - what's this about?

I got the exact same answer as I had after the medicine dream - You have to start walking.

I considered what I just heard on Dr. Phil and thought....well, setting a punishment is really no good because I still won't walk. I mean, I couldn't understand the concept. I felt if I had the discipline to exercise, I wouldn't need the punishment. And since I didn't have the discipline to exercise, what would give me the discipline to sentence myself to some self-imposed punishment? Didn't make sense to me but I knew it was significant because of the energetic connection.

How can I describe that connection? It's as if you are walking thru a crowded mall of people and things. Suddenly, among the crowd of strangers, you see a familiar face. You naturally gravitate toward that face. That doesn't exactly describe how it happens but I'm not sure I can get more specific than that at the moment. All I know is I'll be involved in something, and then something will change. Suddenly. Intensely. And I suddenly will hone in on a particular statement, a particular situation, etc. And at that moment, I literally feel something energetic happening to my body that wasn't present a few seconds before. So, this is what happened as I watched Dr. Phil.

OK, so this is two identical messages coming from two very different, distinct sources. First, the dream and then Dr. Phil. I believe in the spiritual power of three so when the third message came, you'd best believe I was paying close attention.

I remember that night. I was sitting on the couch, watching tv. My cat, a wonderful Medicine Cat who came to me around 2001, was lying in front of the heater. Pooter was lying on his back with his white belly exposed. I looked at him and thought how much I loved him. I asked him, out loud, if he would come to me in my dreamtime and help me understand what I needed to change or do, to feel motivated in my life.

It has been a recurring theme, since I left a spiritual marriage of 7 years, in 2001. I have so often felt as if I were spirituallly floundering since that time. I have a lot to be grateful for, and am grateful, but at the same time, I have felt stagnant in my life. So I was asking Pooter, very specifically, if he could help.

A hour or two after I made that request, Pooter went to the door and indicated that he wanted out. He often did this and I usually didn't let him out late at night, for fear I wouldn't hear him scratch at the door if he wanted back in. (How interesting...as I typed that statement, in real time, Pooter scratched at the door wanting back in - sort of gives away the ending....he does come back).

I let Pooter out since I planned to be up at least another hour and, usually, he would come back in before that much time. However, this time, he did not come back in at all that night. Ii remember waking from a sound sleep at 4 pm, exactly and feeling that pooter was there. but when i went to the door and called, of course, he wasn't.

The next day, worried sick about my little boy, I looked for him outside. When iI was walking up and down the road, and around the edge of the woods, i suddenly stopped and realized.....I was breathing hard from walking. And i was doing it because there was a price to pay if i didn't...Pooter might be lying somewhere hurt and I couldn't stand that though so I walked til my legs were sore the next day. I remembered the statement Dr. Phil had made and realized Pooter's gift to me. I was walking.

Pooter did finally return, two days later, skinny and hungry but ok. Just after his return, I left for Nashville. I had a film role in the movie "Two Weeks". I was there
for two days. And both days, I walked. It was a little over a mile to a place to access the internet from the hotel, so I walked there and back both days. Every step, I thanked Pooter for his gift. It so interesting to me that the time I spent away from home, doing the film, almost exactly matched the time Pooter had been missing
just days before.

I bought a Gazelle Glider and started walking each day. So far, I haven't missed a day. I knew I'd never use a treadmill or a bike so I thought about what might be fun as an exercise option. I remembered reading about the Gazelle and just felt like it would be more interesting to use than the other options. For me, it works.

Daily Exercise. Such a simple thing but, in my own life, huge. I had some tremendous resistance to exercise for whatever reason. Pooter helped me release that resistance. I have no way to prove it, of course, but I think exercise is the one thing I absolutely had to do right now, to stay healthy, to stay involved in my own life, to become motivated toward the goals I had deep inside.

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