Friday, April 01, 2005

Dreaming of making love to someone you hate

What does it mean when you dream of being in an intimate relationship with someone you don't care for, in waking life?

For me, it usually means one of two things:

Either I'm being asked, on a spiritual level, to integrate some judgement I've had about that person and let it go or I'm being shown that I am choosing to become intimate with some dislikable behavior in a way that may not be healthy for me.

Often, the people I dislike the most are the ones that remind me of some aspect of myselk that I need to integrate, accept and heal.

When I say "accept" I don't necessarily mean that I don't try to change attidudes of behaviors that I want to transform or shift. What I mean by acceptance is that I make an active choice to love myself just as I am.

There's an old spiritual hymn of that name which has given me such peace. "Just as I am, without one plea".

In my spiritual walk, I strive to own my behaviors - the good, the bad, the ugly - and work diligently to avoid beating myself up for my current state of humanity.

A rejection of someone who exhibits behaviors that subconsciously remind me of my own behavior, or that remind me of behavior I am afraid I might lean toward, is essentially a rejection of myself and my potential.

It's part of the package of choosing to be human that we have equal potential for dark and light. Is it easier for us to believe we could be Mother Theresa or Jeffrey Dahmer? Both potentials exist. When we deny that the dark is there, we reject the opportunity to understand what it is and why it exists. I try not to deny my potential, in either direction,
because to do so is spiritually dangerous.

So, how do I determine the meaning of an intimate relationship in a dream, with someone I'd never connect with in waking life?

As always, the first step for me is to ask on waking "What area of my life is this dream representing?". The answer to that question usually holds a lot of information on the meaning of the dream itself.

I also ask myself how I felt in the dream itself. Did I still dislike the person in the dream or was the coming together enjoyable?

Then, I ask myself just exactly what behaviors of this person in the dream I dislike and why. Taking the answer, I look at my own recent behavior and see if there is a correlation. Am I unconsciously doing the same thing? And is it good for my path to be doing so, if so?

From the questions I have asked I will know what the dream means, unless it is a more rare type of dream, which I'll talk about later.

In one dream that I recall, I felt uncomfortable being with the person and still disliked them in the dream. When I woke, and asked the questions above, I knew immediately what area of my life the dream was addressing and saw also, immediately, that I was going down a similar path in one area of my life and that it was not a progressive thing for me to be doing.

If I had felt good about being with the person and being so intimate with them, I may have come to a different interpretation.

Sometimes, rarely, a dream like this will be bigger than the individual ego self adjustments I need to make.

If I don't see that my behavior is mirroring the behavior of the person in the dream, then I consider the possibility that I may have been wrong about judging that behavior negatively and maybe it's time for me to integrate that paradigm. Judge not that ye be not judged. The dream
may be a message that I've judged someone from a narrow perspective and I'm being asked to broaden mine.

And finally, if I feel (in the dream itself, not on waking) that I am there as a healer for the other person, the discomfort would take on new meaning as well. It would show me that I have distaste around working with those sorts of issues with people which could hinder me as a healer and that I need to release judgment about helping someone in that situation.

For example, I personally had that sort of feeling in several dreams during a period of my life when God was bringing to me a lot of people who smoked marijuana. I had a distaste of that particular frequency that hindered me being a clear channel for healing energies in those cases. Not always, but enough to trouble me as I look back on that time now.

As a healer, one must be able to walk into any energetic field and work, no matter what is going on in that person's life, if we are called to do so. We can't have a part of ourselves standing back in resistance to being there and be as effective as God wants us to be. This is something I work at all the time and dreams are just one way that I recognize my own limitations.

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