Monday, April 04, 2005

Dreams about Death and Kissing Marcia Cross

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Note on dreams about death: Usually, a dream about
death doesn't signal actual death. More often, it signals
the death of some behavior, relationship, way of thinking,
etc. that is hindering one from progressing spirituallly.
However, there is the occasional dream that is directly
warning of death and this is one of those dreams for me.

Last night I had a dream that, on first glance, appeared to
be one of those ego clean-up dreams that just incorporates
events of the day into a dream that helps the ego self shift
into a more surrendered state.

However, as the dream progressed, it became apparent that
it was far more significant, in fact a Medicine Dream.

In the dream, I was lying beside and almost on top of a
dying woman. I was aware, in the dream itself, that I was
there to comfort her and to forgive her for trying to kill me.

If this had been the extent of the dream, I would have
suspected ego clean up because just hours before, I had
watched (with most the world) a lot of memories of Pope
John Paul II being aired, in honor of his death. I was
particularly touched by the segment shown where
he goes to prison to forgive the man who shot him.

The Indigo Factor: One factor that separated this
from an ego-level dream was the genuine sense that
there was a fairly large group of people watching me
interact with this dying woman.

I could not see them but knew that they all seemed to
be dressed in dark blue, even indigo. The color of the third
eye. I knew, even in the dream, that I had been brought there
for a very important reason. Usually, when I see more indigo
in a dream than makes any kind of sense, it typically signals
a strong Medicine Dream for me. I'm not saying it would mean
the same thing for another person. I teach a very individual
approach to dreamtime work. You have to learn how Spirit
speaks to you and what symbols, colors, people mean
in your dreams. They may not be the same as mine.

The color gold in dreams:
Another factor involved the face of the dying woman.
She had a thin line of gold eyeshadow on her eyelids
and was wearing gold lipstick. It may sound garish but
I have seldom seen anyone look so beautiful. And
her face was rosy, glowing, peaceful. Gold is the
color I associate with spiritual refinement. It speaks
of fire; of difficult, challenging times on the Path.
I am certainly having those.

Gold additionally is associated with the crown
chakra which is, in turn, associated with incoming
Spiritual Information but I more closely associate
white with that chakra so for me, the message
was more about walking thru the fire of some
challenge in my spiritual life. I knew exactly
what it was pointing toward when I looked at
the message from that context.

The woman she had some kind of odd-looking puncture
wound near the pancreas (this is significant because at
my last chiropractic appointment the pancreas showed
up as being out of balance, which had never happened
before). As I lay with her, I felt something moving and
looked down and a tiny ant had found the wound and
was on it. I brushed it away. Before the dream was
over, the ant reappeared. This was also significant,
for reasons I'll detail later.

Other things I noticed about her body included the fact
that her abdomen was hardened. This, of course, was
highly significant to me because of my own intestinal
problems recently. (Read the dream on okra and beets).
And she had some kind of bruising between her right
shoulder blade and arm.

Why Marcia Cross?
At that time in the dream, I felt a need to go to the
bathroom and started to get up. The dying woman
opened her eyes and reached for me.

She said "Don't leave me now
but when you leave, don't come back". It was an
urgent appeal. I said to her "I won't leave you now,
but when I leave, I won't come back".

Then we kissed. It was completely non-sexual.
It was profound beyond any words I could put
to it. There was a sense of being suspended
between worlds, a sense of being out of form
but still aware of form. In that moment, I believe
I realized that though I recognized Marcia Cross,
it was my body and not hers I had been looking

I believe Marcia was there because of something
I heard her say a few hours before going to bed,
again tied into the Pope's death. She said that
whenever she heard of anyone dying, it reminded
her that we are only here for a short time.

That was the end of the dream except for a sense
that I was getting ready to get up after the kiss.
Either to leave or to go to the bathroom.

This is a huge dream for me. I have shared on this
blog how the end of my seven year spiritual marriage
affected my health. For months, I barely functioned.
I lived on coffee and crackers, rarely cooking or eating
anything. I cried constantly. I lost 30 pounds in a
very short space of time and I believe, had I gone on
forward in the way I was, I would have died.

My immune system was tremendously compromised,
not only from malnutrition but also from stress and
emotional trauma. And this stress has really been
present for about two years before the actual end
of the relationship. I knew it was ending and didn't
want to know it. So my entire system was in fight
or flight for two years. That is tremendously hard
on the physical body.

The slow recovery process has taken over two years
and up til this moment in time, I have still not felt
truly healthy.

I am still making choices that I don't personally consider
healthy. I'm making them out of boredom, out of a sense
of aimlessness, out of a lack of purpose.

The other side of healing your heart and emotions
after the end of a longterm relationship, inovolves
recreating your life. The first phase of my healing
took about two years. I'm not sure how long the second
half will take. I know that what is before me now is to
decide how to fill my days, now that they are no longer
filled the way they were before.

Now that I'm not longer immersed in emotional
distress over the loss of the relationship, I must
turn my thoughts toward what I want out of the rest
of my time here on earth. It isn't as easy as it might

So the stress of not knowing has continued, up
until now, to affect my health.

I know, without doubt, that I was being shown
my own death if I continue down the same path
I am now. The fact that I was told not to come back,
meant I can't go back. I must go forward or I'll

Whenever I have a dream with a known person or
celebrity, I always ask myself how that person
reminds me of myself. In the case of Marcia,
it is her character on Desperate Housewives,
where I found the resemblance.

Bree is a rigid, spiritually. She is hard on herself.
She is hard on others. She has standards so high
that most can't meet them. My Grandmother
had those traits and I grew up thinking she was
the perfect Christian. So, of course, I wanted to
be like her.

In light of this, I believe that Marcia was also
telling me that I had to release judgment,
particularly of myself.

Now, the significance of the ants. Ant has been
a totem of mine before and one thing that stands
out is that ants represent two-year cycles. And
there were two ants in the dream, or one ant
appearing twice. update: In reviewing the
totem aspects of ant, as presented by Ted
Andrews in Animal Speaks, I notice that he
associates ant with 12 year cycles, NOT two
year cycles. So.....not sure where I came up
with that but it resonates. I have to look at the
12 year cycle too, now, in light of this new info.

Also, this dream triggered a vague recollection
of having recently read about something having
to do with ants and medicine. I relocated that
information and it added even more urgency to
the dreamtime message of the ants.

The article is a fairly long one so I posted it
on my site for anyone who is interested but
basically this article details the work of
Dr. Hans Neiper, whose list of medical
achievements is quite long and impressive.

Dr. Neiper has one of the highest cure rates
for cancer in the world. As part of his work,
he uses something called Iridodials.

Dr. Neiper states: "In my clinical experience, I
have observed that the iridodials outdistance
most other therapeutic substances known in
the treatment of cancer. They are extremely
effective, even in terminal breast cancer cases,
as long as the tumor has not grown beyond a
certain size. Not only are the iridodials more
effective and much less expensive than other
anticancer agents, but they are non-toxic
and can be used without complication for
an unlimited time. Never, in forty years of
treating cancer, have I experienced more
positive results than I have with the iridodials."
You can read the entire article HERE

I'd never heard of Iridodial before reading
this article but it impresses on me now both
because of my past experience with Ant as
a totem teacher, and my troubles with
my colon area. When I put all the elements
of the dream together, it adds up to a serious
message. I am ordering the Iridodial because
it is tied into the dream in more than one way
and because treating the physical body is a
signal to Spirit that I also wish to start healing
the other aspects of my life - emotional,
spiritual, mental.

The location of the ants was another factor
to consider and investigate. They were around
the area of the pancreas.

I know that the pancreas is closely associated
with blood sugar levels but the association that
was more significant to me was the digestive
one. Pancreatic juices that contain enzymes
necessary for proper digestion are secreted
and sent thru a duct and into the duodenum
(which is the beginning of the small intestine).
Given my intestinal distress of late, this was
yet another message about taking care of my
health. I consider it an urgent message.

I think I've covered all aspects of the dream
except for the bruising between the collarbone
and the shoulder on the right side. I simply
sense that this relates to the throat. I can't
say how I know that except that I do. It is
a "spreading" of imbalance starting in the
throat chakra. I knew immediately what this
was addressing as well, and it is as serious
as the rest of the dream.

This is certainly one of the more spiritually
important dreams I've had in my lifetime.
What I do with the information is up to me.

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