Thursday, July 14, 2005


Whenever one dreams about abuse, the meaning will be notably different if that person has actually been abused, as opposed to someone who hasn't been abused but is now dealing with an abusive situation. In my case, because sexual abuse was a reality in my childhood, dreams focused on abuse have a certain intensity they might not have if it were not such a damaging part of my formative years.

In this dream, I am observing a scene. A young boy is talking to his father for the first time in a long time. They were estranged because of the father's inability to comprehend the statements his son made when rescued from a child abuser at an early age.

The child had been kidnapped and held for a long period of time. During that time, he was repeatedly abused. When rescued he said "I am grateful for the teachings". This so disturbed his father that he simply couldn't talk to the child for years. In the dream, the child is finally able to explain what he meant by those cryptic words so long ago.

The abuser was a tremendously knowledgeable man. Perhaps a genius, mentally. He spent hours and hours teaching this young boy. In the dream, I flash on a scene where the boy is sitting at a table and there is an open book. It appears to be an astronomy book and I get the feeling it is not simple astronomy but perhaps cosmic astronomy, past anything taught in schoools or even colleges.

The young boy, not quite yet a man, explains to his father that, at the time, the teachings were the only good thing he had, and he was so focused on it that it was all he could say. He used that to block out the pain of the other.

MY TAKE ON THE DREAM SO FAR:The first message that glares is from the last sentence. So, I ask myself what I've been using to "block out the other", because this dream is obviously telling me it's time for reconciliation of that. Reflecting on this question, as I sit here at the computer, typing this, it comes to me that I've used acting as well as spirituality to block the pain. One difficult truth I've learned is that blocking something takes tremendous personal energy which can never be freed for any other purpose as long as the need to block remains, as opposed to a letting in of the reality in full light so that understanding, integration and healing can occur and there is no longer a need to block. Then, that energy can be freed up for a more positive purpose.

If you can imagine a dike with a leak in it and the little boy with his thumb in the leak. Remember that story? I think it's a painting too, isn't it? A little boy with his thumb in the dike, holding back the flood. Well, as long as the hole is there, the thumb has to stay put. This severely limits the ability of the boy to go anywhere else but there and almost requires his focus to be on the leak, because it's about all he can see. To me, this an apt analogy for what happens when we block pain or memories or experience. In childhood, it's absolutely necessary to block some things, to survive. But at some point, the dam must break. The flood must come. The thumb must rest.

I want to impress on my readers that I have done a HUGE amount of work on the abuse already. Massive amounts of time and energy and focus, to help heal that little girl inside. In spite of all that work, this dream is clearly telling me that I am still holding that thumb in the dike. It's a hard thing to realize.

And obviously, it's significant that the struggle is between the boy and his father. The dream is telling me, first of all, that I need to heal my thoughts and beliefs around men in general but, also, that I need to heal my estrangement from the heavenly father, the male essence of creation. My personal knowing is that Universal Lifeforce Energy expresses here on earth in both feminine and masculine represenations. I've definitely leaned toward the feminine but it's time for balance. The "father" has been estranged because I was lying to myself. "I am grateful for the teachings" was not what had to be said. Now, I am coming to God with the truth.....I want to stop blocking my pain with teachings. I want to heal.

Of course, as with most Medicine Dreams, there are so many other layers to this dream. I've touched a significant message but others can be uncovered thru study of the significance of other factors. This is a start.

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